Massive Design Flaws Comic Strips - Page 14

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178 Results for Massive Design Flaws

View 131 - 140 results for massive design flaws comic strips. Discover the best "Massive Design Flaws" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #funny in purple, #important decsions, #missile defense networks, #naps, #french people, #touching with cigarette

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Dilbert enters the Boss' office and asks, "Is it okay if I take naps during the day?" Dilbert then asks, "Or would you prefer that I make important decisions while groggy and delusional?" Dilbert continues, "Either way is okay with me. It's your call." The Boss doesn't respond and Dilbert leaves his office thinking, "He looks funny all purple." Back at his desk and half asleep, Dilbert thinks to himself "Must...stay...awake. Make...important...decisions." Dilbert continues, "Must replace optical switches with dancing lemurs." The Boss stands behind Dilbert as he sleeps. Now in an obvious dream state, Dilbert yells in his sleep "Gaaa! French people are touching me with cigarettes!" The Boss leaves Dilbert's cubicle thinking, "I hope that's how engineers design missile defense networks."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #self service consulting, #strategy, #massive bills, #hoping to print

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Dogbert says to the Boss while standing atop his desk, "I now offer self-service consulting." Dogbert continues, "Write down your strategy and I'll send you massive bills." The Boss asks, "Do you have a card?" Dogbert replies, "I was hoping you'd print some for me."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cd rom business card, #character flaw, #film archive

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Dilbert tells a woman: "Here's my CD-ROM business card." He continues: "It has a film archive of all my character flaws." The woman asks Dilbert: "Including this one?" Dilbert answers: "It's number 34."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #totally correct, #time under budget, #give up features, #shoebox falloff yarn, #yarn is free, #open door policy, #serious threat, #new design

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Dilbert pokes his head into the boss's office and says: "You were totally correct." Dilbert says to the boss: "We can develop the product on time and under budget." Dilbert says to the boss: "All we have to do is give up some features." Dilbert says to the boss: "For example, the original design called for a scalable wide area network switch..." Dilbert says to the boss while extending his arms: "...with multiprotocol support and full network diagnostics." Dilbert shows a sheet of paper to the boss and says: "The new design calls for a shoebox full of yarn." The boss is looking at the sheet of paper while Dilbert says to him: "So we're in good shape...assuming yarn is free." The boss says to Dilbert: "You're a serious threat to my open door policy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #good product design, #gave three, #leadership, #product is bad, #stock willplunge, #totally meaningless, #signed card, #happy birthday

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Asok and Dilbert stand in front of the boss' desk. Dilbert says, "we need six weeks to make a good product design." Asok says, "You gave us three." Dilbert says, "Thanks to your leadership, the products is bad, our stock will plunge, and our lives are totally meaningless." Dilbert says, "Oh, and happy birthday." Asok holds a letter out and says, "We all signed a card."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ram cache, #better engineer, #boss, #time line chart, #circuit design, #who knows more

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The boss stands behind Dilbert's cubicle and pionts at the screen. The boss says, "Now move the other thing next to the other thing and label it "ram cache." The boss says, "I'm your boss, so it stands to reason that I'm a better engineer than you." Dilbert says, "I'm telling you I'm working on my timeline chart." The boss says, "No, I'm sure that's a circuit design."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #few upgrades to design, #realize engineer, #graduate of liberal arts, #college, #broad exposure, #modern renaissance, #timing circuit, #moby dick, #charles dickens, #engineering classes, #poor engineers, #work is small, #education

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The Boss hands Alice a piece of paper. He says, "I made a few upgrades to your design, Alice." Alice turns and says, "Do you realize you're not an engineer?" The Boss replies, "I'm better! I'm a well-rounded graduate of a liberal arts college." The Boss continues, "The broad exposure to diverse topics made me what I am today." The Boss says, "A modern renaissance man." Alice says, "You scribbled out my timing circuit and wrote in 'Moby Dick by Charles Dickens.'" The Boss says, "Exactly! I'll bet you didn't learn THAT in your engineering classes." The Boss walks away and thinks, "Poor engineers; there world is so small."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #power supply, #nail in wood, #vacation tomorrwo, #need changes

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Dilbert works on a computer with a screwdriver. A stupid looking man offers Dilbert a piece of wood with a nail in it. The dumb man says, "I didn't know how to design a power supply, so I put a nail in a piece of wood." The man says, "I'm on vacation tomorrow, so I'll give you my files in case you need to make changes." Dilbert holds the wood and looks mad. The stupid man says, "Once I had he idea, it all came together pretty quickly."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogbert the ceo, #stock price, #personal gain, #budget cuts, #products, #relevant

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Caption: Dogbert the C.E.O. Dogbert sits at head of table surrounded by workers. Dogbert says, "I've decided to manipulate our stock price for personal gain." Dogbert continues, "I'll spin off a few divisions, buy back some of our stock and announce massive budget cuts." Worker asks Dogbert, "Um...do you even know what products we make?" Dogbert replies, "How would that be relevant?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #optimistic assumptions, #revenue target, #visited by alien, #our new pordcut, #autopsy video, #technology

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Dilbert stands in front of a line graph titled, "$". Dilbert says, "I had to make some optimistic assumptions to meet the revenue target." The Boss is sitting behind Dilbert, looking at the graph. Dilbert continues, "In week three, we're visited by an alien named D'utox Inag who offers to share his advanced technology." The Boss asks, "Then do we use his technology to design our new product?" Dilbert replies, "No, we kill him and sell the autopsy video."