New Employee Comic Strips - Page 14
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Character
1000 Results for New Employee
View 131 - 140 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday November 09,
2018
Alice Makes Her Boss Look Good
Tags boss, employees, insults, managers & supervisors, office workers, sarcasm
Transcript
Boss: Alice, always remember that a good employee makes her boss look good. Alice: Maybe I could toss a blanket over you when other people are around. Boss: I'm not talking about my physical appearance. Alice: The blanket would also muffle the sound.
Sunday October 21,
2018
Tags Dilbert, the boss, test, scripts, software, project, hardware, tests, version, final, release, volunteering, testing, player
Transcript
The Boss: I need someone to run some test scripts on the new software. Dilbert: I can do that my project is on hold until the new hardware arrives. The Boss: Great, I'll need you to run the same tests on every version until final release. Dilbert: Um... I was only volunteering to do it once it isn't my job to do all the testing. The Boss: Too late. You're the test script guy now. Dilbert: You're adding an entirely new job to my existing job! The Boss: Don't you want to be a team player? Dilbert: Of course I do. The Boss: Good. I just put you on the losing team.
Monday October 08,
2018
Carol Can't Get The Printer To Work
Tags carol, Dilbert, printer, work, priorities, yammering
Transcript
Carol: I can't get the printer to work can you help? Dilbert: Sure, I'll be there as soon as I finish my twenty-seven tasks that are all higher priorities. Carol: How long will that take? Dilbert: I got three new tasks while you were here yammering.
Saturday September 22,
2018
New Statue In The Lobby
Tags Dilbert, alice, the boss, criminal, tech support, darned, good, report
Transcript
The Boss: Where's the career criminal I hired to do tech support? He was last seen talking to you. Alice: Rumor has it that someone murdered him, covered him in with-out and tried to pass him off as a statue in the lobby. Dilbert: I would report this if it did't look so darned good here.
Sunday September 16,
2018
Tags Dilbert, employee, calendar, week, awkward, problem, schedule, relative, lunch, sandwich
Transcript
Male Employee: Do you have an hour to meet next week? Dilbert: Let me check my calendar. Next week is not good. Male Employee: You don't have one hour of free time all week? Dilbert: Well, this is awkward. The problem isn't my schedule so much as your total lack of value relative to my alternatives. Male Employee: Maybe we could meet over lunch? Dilbert: I like to focus on my sandwich.
Sunday September 09,
2018
Tags data, Dilbert, internet, jerry, tweet, weasel
Transcript
Jerry: Omg! You are soooo wrong! I literally cannot believe you are this gullible. Hahahahaha! Hahahaha! I can't wait to tweet about your stupidity. Your dumbness will live forever on the internet! Dilbert: You probably haven't seen the new data that proves I'm right. Will you apologize like a decent human being or will you move the goalposts claim victory. And trash my name like a demented weasel? Jerry: Can you tell me more about the weasel option?
Wednesday September 05,
2018
Candor Monster
Tuesday September 04,
2018
Radical Candor
Tags the boss, Dilbert, management, radical condor, time, computer
Transcript
The Boss: I've decided to adopt a hot new management trend called, "Radical Condor." The trick is to be direct yet kind at the same time. Dilbert: What were you doing before? The Boss: Let's not get into that.
Friday August 31,
2018
Introducing The New Hire
Tags the boss, new hire, names, introduction
Transcript
The New Hire New Hire: Can you take me around the office and introduce me? The Boss: No, that scheme won't work because it requires me to admit I don't know most of their names. New Hire: What's my name? The Boss: Um... Does it start with a letter?
Wednesday August 22,
2018
Jerry The Contract Employee
Tags threat, Dilbert, the boss, jerry, contract, zebra, agile
Transcript
The Boss: This is Jerry the contract employee. I hired him to work on project zebra. Dilbert: We haven't even defined the project. How did you know what skills we needed? The Boss: Why are you so threatened by jerry? Jerry: He's not very agile.


