New Position Comic Strips - Page 14
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Man: Wally, I need you to add a feature to the legacy system while we wait for the new software to go live. Wally: My job is to prevent people such as you from adding features to our legacy system. Man: But it's my job to make you do it. Wally: One of us has a terrible job.
Boss: I'm assigning our best and brightest engineers to the new system integration team. Anyone who is left over gets to be in charge of watching our legacy system slowly rot. Dilbert: Who would want that job? Wally: Me!!! Pick me!!!
Never go to a robotic hair transplant center on the same day they upgrade the software. Is that the surgery where they take hair from the back of your head and fill in the bald spot? That's how the old software worked. The new one didn't respect boundaries.
Our customers organized a boycott because of your racist tweet. I know. That's why I tweeted out some witty insults at the organizers. Your new tweets are sexist. Notice how the make you forget about my racist tweets?
Dilbert: The new hire gets paid more than me. It isn't fair. Dogbert: Fairness is a concept that was invented so kids and idiots could participate in debates. Dilbert: Hey, that's not fair. Dogbert: The best case scenario here is that you're younger than you look.
Dilbert: I just found out that the new hire makes more than I do. Boss: It isn't my fault that you're a terrible negotiator. Dilbert: I don't like confrontation. Boss: I know. It saves me a lot of money. Shoo!
Boss: Wally, I want you to train our new hire. Wally: The first thing you need to know is that we never use the DPX system when the MGB is down. Man: The... what and the what? Wally: Hold your questions till the end. You can use our PX4 to tunnel into the B9 data and produce at TMNP report. But you'll need authorization from the LDG and the MICOO. Man: I don't understand any of that! Wally: I toldy you to hold your questions until the end. Always remember to jost the primpram whenever the gip is fleeming toward kilp. Man: Maybe I should ask someone else to train me. Wally: Now we're making progress.
CEO: The press says I need to resign because of our exploding phones fiasco. Dilbert: Maybe you can change their minds by sending the press our new model that doesn't explode. CEO: I already sent them the exploding phones and said it was our new models. Your way left too much to chance.