Part Horse Comic Strips - Page 14

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243 Results for Part Horse

View 131 - 140 results for part horse comic strips. Discover the best "Part Horse" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #celebrity business plan, #commit crime, #hire lawyer, #reality tv show, #gain weight, #tabloids, #spokesperson, #weight loss product, #write children book, #rehab, #addicted to painkillers, #plan, #future plans, #goals, #sensationalism

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Dogbert: "Would you review my celebrity business plan?" Dilbert: "Sure." Dogbert: "First, I'll commit a sensational crime that the media can't ignore." "Then I'll hire celebrity lawyer, Johnny 'Red' Galipigos to help me beat the rap." "I'll use my fame to land a part on a reality tv show where I will win by cheating." "Then I'll gain a massive amount of the weight so the tabloids will fixate on me." "Burp" "Then I'll become a spokesperson for a weight loss product." "It works!" "Lastly, I'll write children's books." Dilbert: "What about rehab?" "Good catch. I totally forgot the part where I get addicted to pain killers." Dilbert: "Otherwise it looks good."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales drop, #invent something, #everyone wants, #visionary leadership, #demands of boss, #unreasonable demands on staff, #money making, #shortfalls

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The boss: Sales are dropping like a rock. Our plan is to invent some sort of doohickey that everyone wants to buy. The visionary leadership work is done, How long will your part take.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #market budget, #horse purchase, #top thoroughbread, #broke leg, #starting gate, #shot horse, #sponger sailboat, #lunch, #roast beef sandwhich, #piece of lead

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"Our director of marketing will give us an update." "We spent our entire marketing budget buying a racehorse." "We named the horse after our flagship product because they're both fast, get it?" "Unfortunately we didn't have enough budget for a top thoroughbred." "Our horse broke its leg walking to the starting gate, so we shot it." "Next year we plan to sponsor a sailboat." "Anyway, your lunch today is brought to you by the marketing department." "Enjoy." "Hey, my roast beef sandwich has a piece of lead in it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #involuntary sepration, #payroll, #fired, #can't touch anything, #way of saying fired

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"Ted, you're going to experience an involuntary separation from payroll." "I'm fired." "No-o-o-o. It's just that you won't be part of the payroll system." "And you're not allowed to touch anything."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #accidentally eat, #apple core, #care values, #customer service, #respect, #stem is loyalty, #teamwork, #apple product

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The Boss: "This apple will remind us of our CORE values: respect, customer service, and teamwork." Dilbert: "The apple's core is the part you throw away." The Boss: "Not always. Sometimes I accidentally eat it." Dilbert: "Maybe the stem can represent our loyalty to the company."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #balance them, #not trash, #mistaken, #took as tarsh, #important files

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The Boss: Where can I put my most important files so I won't lose them? I'll balance them on top of the trash can so the janitor knows its not part of the actual trash. Garbageman: These items must be whats most urgently in need of discardation.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #hate people, #never allowed shoes, #Dogbert, #hows my walking, #dial, #1800

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"I plan to make bumper stickers for pedestrians that say, 'How am I walking? Call 1-800 blah, blah, blah.'" "If you call the number and report people, they'll never again be allowed to purchase shoes!" "The best part about hating people is that I never run out of great ideas."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #boss, #touched by new hire, #cry, #hired, #special skill, #identifying good people, #part instinct, #favorite color

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Man: "When I'm not helping team members, I like to feed the poor or read to blind people." "I don't care about money. All I want is a chance to help humanity reach its fullest potential." The Boss: "You're so wonderful. It's making me cry! You're hired." Man: "Excellent." The Boss: "Come meet the team." "I have a special skill for identifying good people." "It's part instinct, part experience." "And yes, maybe just a little ESP." "Watch this." "Alice, your favorite color is...mitten?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new guy, #middles part, #forbid, #near work space, #not good people, #1970's called

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Dilbert introduces the new coworker to Carol, "Carol, this is our new guy, Harry Middlepart." Harry extends his hand. Carol responds, "I don't approve of your hairstyle. I forbid you to be near my workspace." Carol holds out the phone and yells, "The seventies called. They want their hair back!!" Harry says to Dilbert as they walk away, "She's not good people."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new marketing strategy, #past cutomers, #flu symptoms, #sick people, #appeal to sick people, #reinvent dead horse, #duh- mensuon, #floating scared darkness, #confusing cause & effect

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "Jimmy will explain our new marketing strategy." Jimmy says, "A study of past customers shows that 96% of them have flu symptoms." Jimmy continues, "Apparently, sick people are the most likely to buy from us. We don't know why." Jimmy points to a slide of an ill man and says, "So we redesigned our ad campaign to appeal to sick people." Alice says to Jimmy, "You're confusing cause and effect. Your study shows that our products make people sick." Jimmy responds, "Alice, let's not reinvent a dead horse." Alice panics and says, "Suddenly nothing makes sense.. I must have slipped into the meeting duh-mension!" Alice leans back in a daze and says, "Floating.. Scared.. Darkness." The Boss says, "This usually lasts about 10 minutes."