Raise Temp Comic Strips - Page 14

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View 131 - 140 results for raise temp comic strips. Discover the best "Raise Temp" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #no raise, #next year, #disincentivized, #moping around, #muscles, #weak, #motovation

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Dilbert: "I can't give you the salary that you deserve because then there'd be no room for a raise next year." "I wouldn't want you to be all disincentivized, you know, just moping around." Dilbert: "Neck.. muscles.. so.. weak." The Boss: "I think motivation causes that."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #disturbing news, #outsourced, #customer service function, #india, #subcontracted, #jobs to mexico, #lowest cost provider, #pay ourselves

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"I have some disturbing news." "We outsourced our customer-service function to India a few years ago." "So?" "Apparently, they subcontracted the job to Mexico." "Then Mexico subcontracted to Vietnam, who subcontracted to the Philippines.." "..Who subcontracted it to us." "It turns out that we're the lowest-cost provider because we lie about our hold times." "In summary, we pay ourselves to hose ourselves." "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" "We should raise our prices?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #functions to outsorce, #dont do well, #management, #sales, #quality control, #core competenece, #brown table startegy, #business

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Dilbert points to a slide and says, "As requested, I put together a list of functions we should outsource." Dilbert continues, "I limited my list to things we don't do well." The Boss and Wally listen as Dilbert's voice continues, "Marketing, quality control, engineering, finance, human resources, and customer support." Dilbert says, "That leaves us with our core competence..." Dilbert continues, "... Sitting around a brown table." Dilbert says, "And, of course, our ability to speak honestly without fear of retribution." The Boss says, "You will never get another raise as long as I'm alive." Dilbert responds, "Well, that puts a lot of pressure on the brown table strategy."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #100 hrs a week, #ask for raise, #top secret facilit, #super genius, #resume, #honest, #take one, #know one

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An interviewee says to The Boss, "If you hire me, I'll work a hundred hours a week and never ask for a raise!" The interviewee continues, "I went to school at a top-secret facility for super geniuses; that's why it's not on my resume." The Boss says to Catbert, "And I'm sure it's all true because he says he's honest!" Catbert replies, "Apparently it doesn't take one to know one."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #performance review, #two jobs, #well, #attaboy, #no budget for raise, #cheapen

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Headline: Performance Review. The Boss says to Dilbert, "You did two jobs for a year and you did them well." The Boss continues, "I have no budget for raises, so all I can offer is an attaboy." The Boss continues, "The problem is: I don't want to cheapen the whole attaboy system."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #teds job, #two jobs forever, #verbal praise, #down the road, #future, #manipulation, #until hire

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I need you to do Ted's job and your own job until we hire someone." Dilbert responds, "If I do well, you'll make me do two jobs forever. If I do poorly, I'll get no raise." The Boss replies, "I can't promise anything, but there might be some verbal praise down the road."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #yemp, #fear of commitment, #one foot out door, #swiped

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The temp is standing with one leg up in the air. He says to Dilbert, "I'm a temp with a fear of commitment. I keep one foot out the door." Dilbert hands the temp a piece of paper and says, "Whatever. Just take care of this for me. It'll take ten minutes." The temp zips away faster than his clothes can move.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #temp requested, #afraid of commitment, #stand like this, #no chair needed

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Carol brings a man into Dilbert's cubicle and says, "Here's the temp you requested." Dilbert extends his hand. The temp backs up and exclaims, "Gaaa!! No handshake! I'm afraid of commitment!!" The temp motions as if he is running and says, "I won't need a chair. I like to stand in this position."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #superior perfromance, #not effective, #budget increase approved, #retroactive, #be happy, #some no raises, #10% raise, #future raise

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The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, your performance this year was superior. I'm giving you a 10 % raise." The Boss continues, "But it's not effective right away." "It kicks in as soon as soon as my budget increase gets approved." Carol asks, "When will that be?" The Boss responds, "As soon as the economy improves and profits go up!" Carol asks, "But my raise will be retroactive to today, right?" The Boss replies, "No." The Boss continues, "You should be happy. Some people aren't getting any raises at all." Carol holds one arm down with the other and thinks, "Must.. control fist... of death." Carol bumps into Wally in the hallway. Wally says, "I just got a 14% future raise just for showing up." Carol holds her arm down again and exclaims, "Gaaa!!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #use my raise, #move from home, #handicapped stall, #storage facility, #house warming, #gift, #flashlight, #hesitate, #call alice

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Dilbert, Wally, and Asok are eating lunch. Asok says, "I plan to use my raise to move my home in the handicapped stall to a storage facility." Asok continues, "If you are trying to think of a housewarming gift, I wouldn't say no to a flashlight." Wally says, "If you need help moving, don't hesitate to call Alice." Asok replies, "You are too kind."