Replace Humans Comic Strips - Page 14

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143 Results for Replace Humans

View 131 - 140 results for replace humans comic strips. Discover the best "Replace Humans" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 21, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #the boss, #report, #utilize, #facilitate, #replace, #implementation, #phase, #readable, #fax, #type, #size

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The Boss sits at his desk reading a report while Dilbert stands waiting. The Boss says, "Good report, but change the word 'use' to 'utilize' in each case." The Boss continues, "Change 'help' to 'facilitate' and replace 'do' with 'implementation phase.'" The Boss continues, "Hmm . . . It's still a bit too readable." Dilbert replies, "I could reduce the type size and run it through the fax."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 1992's comic on:


Tags #ratbert, #Dilbert, #glumb, #Dogbert, #lonely, #entertain, #dance, #Number, #bond, #replace, #dancing, #rat

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Dilbert sits in his chair and Ratbert stands on the hassock. Ratbert asks, "Why are you so glum?" Dilbert replies, "It's lonely when Dogbert is away." Ratbert says as he dances, "Lonely? Ha! Let me entertain you with a little dance number. Then we'll bond and I'll replace Dogbert as your best friend!" Ratbert dances and signs "Kumbaya." Dilbert says, "Now I'm lonely and I have a dancing rat."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 11, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #robots, #requires, #vast, #strength, #protect, #harm, #humans, #robot, #code

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Dilbert says to a robot, "Remember, the 'Robot's Code' requires you to use your vast strength to serve, protect, and never harm humans." The robot says, "Ha! I didn't sign any 'Robot's Code.' In fact, with my vast strength I can make YOU serve ME!" Dilbert says to Dogbert, "I forgot to program in the 'Robot's Code.'" The robot reaches toward Dilbert's head and says, "Maybe I'll crush your head just for fun!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 01, 1992's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #intimidation, #respect, #humans, #elf magic, #magic, #elves, #verbal, #bozo, #chubby, #karl, #donuts, #shut up

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An elf says to three other elves, "The humans are not afraid of our elf magic. We must gain their respect through verbal intimidation." Dilbert sits at a table with a box of donuts and a glass of milk in front of him. The elves shout, "Hey, Bozo! We're talking to you, Chubby!" The elves walk away with donuts around their bodies. An elf says, "And then Karl says 'Do you think you're going to eat ALL of those donuts?'" Karl thinks, "Shut up."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 30, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #confirmed, #supreme court, #improper, #goal, #conquering, #world, #enslaving, #humans, #withdrew, #unwritten, #rules

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A member of the Senate Judiciary Committee says, "Mister Dogbert, do you realize that if confirmed for the Supreme Court . . ." The senator continues, "It would be improper to pursue your stated goal of conquering the world and enslaving all humans?" The senator next to him is asleep and snoring. Back at home, Dilbert sits in his chair and Dogbert sits on the hassock. Dilbert asks, "You withdrew?" Dogbert replies, "Apparently there are all these 'unwritten' rules."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 1991's comic on:


Tags #the boss, #Dilbert, #department, #machines, #filled, #bird, #bobs, #head, #three, #birds, #job

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Dilbert sits across from the Boss's desk. The Boss says, "I've decided to replace your department with machines." The Boss points to a toy on the desk and says, "Your job will be filled by this little bird that bobs his head up and down." Back at home, Dilbert tells Dogbert, ". . . Then I said 'Ha! It would take at least THREE of those birds to do MY job!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 06, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #andy, #android, #computer, #absurdity, #existential crisis

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Andy the Android: As an android, I wonder how humans cope with the absurdity and utter futility of their meaningless lives. Was it something I said?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 04, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #Dogbert, #andy the android, #humans, #sleep, #eat, #don't, #die, #existential, #crisis

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Andy: Androids want to be like humans. Tell me what humans do. Dilbert: Mostly, they eat, sleep, and hope they don't die. Andy: That's it? Dilbert: Unless they find religion... Then they eat, sleep, and look forward to dying.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 05, 1991's comic on:


Tags #Dogbert, #pillow, #servants, #dog, #hours, #Dilbert, #prison

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Dogbert sits on a pillow thinking, "When I conquer the earth . . . Will it be more efficient to put all humans in prison . . ." Dogbert continues thinking, ". . . Or train them as domestic servants for dogs?" Dilbert watches Dogbert from the doorway and thinks, "It's amazing how dogs can sit for hours thinking absolutely nothing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 26, 1990's comic on:


Tags #Dilbert, #death, #therapist, #sorrow, #bottled, #legally, #inherit, #humans

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Dogbert lies on a couch and says to a therapist, "I haven't been able to cry over Dilbert's death." The psychologist takes notes. Dogbert continues, "I really miss him, but I keep my sorrow bottle inside." The psychiatrist asks, "Did you know that dogs can't legally inherit from humans?" Dogbert bawls.