True Costs Comic Strips - Page 14

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202 Results for True Costs

View 131 - 140 results for true costs comic strips. Discover the best "True Costs" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discount brokerage, #open an account, #money eveaporates, #photo synthesis, #yes haw

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DISCOUNT BROKERAGE: Dogbert says to a prospective customer, "You can only open an account if you meet my stringent requirements." Dogbert says, "True or false: Money evaporates because of photo-synthesis." The prospective customer replies, "True?" Dogbert says, "You're in." The customer thinks, "Don't yell yee-haw!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #you're fired, #used internet, #personal reasons, #groceries, #more time working, #evil but true

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Catbert, sitting at his desk, says to an employee, "Our records show that you used the internet for personal reasons. You're fired." The employee says, "Please, I merely ordered groceries online so that I might have more time for working." Catbert says, "My motto is, you can't spell 'who cares?' without H.R." The employee says, "It's evil, but it's true."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #funerals, #evil dierctor, #heating costs, #too high, #company furnace, #cremated, #business

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Catbert the Evil HR Director says to the staff, "Employees waste too much time at funerals." Catbert continues, "On a related note, our heating costs are too high." Later at home, Dilert's mother says to Dilbert, "As a matter of fact, I would mind being cremated in the company furnace."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #share knowledge, #new intranet, #collaboration software, #knowledge to share, #hurst, #true, #hoarding

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Asok says to Dilbert and Wally, "Who wants to share knowlege with me via our new intranet collaboration software?" Dilbert says to Asok, "You don't have any knowledge to share." Asok replies, "Ouch. It hurts because it's true." Wally says to Dilbert, "I'm hoarding my knowledge in case I ever need it."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #cut budget, #technology installation, #adequate budget, #unethical vendors, #huge purchase, #free stuff, #no hidden costs, #huge purchase later

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The Boss says to Dilbert, "I cut your budget in half." Dilbert replies, "How can I do a technology installation without an adequate budget?!" The Boss says, "Try being unethical with our vendors." Dilbert answers, "What?" The Boss replies, "It's easy." The Boss continues, "Tell them we might make a huge purchase. Later..." The Boss goes on to say, "...If they give us a bunch of free stuff now." The Boss says to Dilbert, "If it makes you feel better, wait until they lie first." The vendor representative says to Dilbert, "And there are no hidden costs." Dilbert says to the representative, "Um...we might make a huge purchase later."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dumpster service, #save money, #discovered alternative costs, #tear off piece

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At a meeting, the Boss announces: "I cancelled our dumpster service to save money." He continues: "I discovered an alternative that costs nothing." He tells everyone as he hands them a sheet of paper: "Everyone tear off a piece and put it in your pocket."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #me from future, #next holiday party, #never drank agina, #predicting future

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Dilbert introduces the future Dilbert to Alice: "Alice, this is me from the future." Alice says: "Hi." The future Dilbert tells Dilbert: "At the next holiday party, she's all over you." Dilbert asks the future Dilbert as they are walking away: "Is that true?" The future Dilbert answers: "No, but after today she never drank again."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #many tasks, #better, #never born, #technically true, #slap later

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Asok reports at a meeting: "I performed many tasks, but I can not claim any accomplishments." He continues: "Because things might have turned out better had I never been born." He turns to Dilbert: "Technically, it's true." Dilbert tells Asok: "Remind me to slap you later."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #action items, #filberts mother, #gnp, #not giving back, #tuition money, #costs for strategy

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Dilbert is with his Mom. She is drinking tea. She asks Dilbert: "Did you do any action items this week?" Dilbert answers: "I gathered costs for a strategy we had already decided not to use." Dilbert's Mom says: "That helps the Ol' GNP." Dilbert tells her: "I'm not giving back your tuition money."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #face time, #software, #man makes face, #imitating worker, #discourage from raise, #costs money, #discouraging, #engineering

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The Boss: Come in to the VP's office with me. you need to get some face time. Dilbert: What is Face Time? The Boss: Its very important. man: and this is you asking for a raise.