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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 21, 2013's comic on:


Tags #dating, #frustration, #relations between the sexes, #modern world, #purpose of men, #money, #bad jokes, #faltulence, #useless men, #pondering on importance, #relationships

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Woman: I'm not sure what function men serve in the modern world. My job pays well, so I have all the money I need. If something in my house breaks, I either fix it or pay someone to fix it. If I want a baby, I'll call a fertility doctor. In today's world, men are little more than carriers of bad jokes and flatulence. My gardener mows my lawn. Dilbert: I get it!!! Dogbert: That is disturbing. Dilbert: Not compared to the alternatives.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 15, 2013's comic on:


Tags #cosmetics, #relations between the sexes, #awful smell, #new fragrance, #pepper spray, #half gym sock, #dual purpose, #odiferous moat, #weaker applicants, #tweak

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Dilbert: What's that awful smell? Wally: My new fragrance. It's half pepper spray and half gym sock. It has a dual purpose. The pepper spray is so I can build up an immunity to it. Dilbert: That'll probably come in handy someday. Wally: Right? The second purpose is to crate an odiferous moat around me to discourage the weaker romantic applicants. Carol: Unh!!! Wally: I might need to tweak the formula.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 30, 2013's comic on:


Tags #business ethics, #executives, #managers & supervisors, #kill or cannibalize, #business

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CEO: Experts say we need to be willing to kill or cannibalize our best businesses. Boss: I can do that. I've been killing our best businesses for years. CEO: That's all the leadership I have for today. Boss: That'll last me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 31, 2014's comic on:


Tags #relations between the sexes, #Women, #boss, #injected, #job performance drugs, #jerk, #kryptonite, #evolution, #physical attributes

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Dilbert: our boss injected me with job performance enhancing drugs. Alice: Gaaa!!! Evolution has made me attracted to your physical attributes! Dilbert: I'm sort of a jerk now. Alice: Noooo! That's my kryptonite!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 29, 2014's comic on:


Tags #avarice, #business ethics, #stock market, #stock split, #dumb stock holders, #fantastic prodcuts, #money

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CEO: The board has voted to do a stock split. It came down to a choice between creating fantastic products or attracting dumber stockholders. One of those two things is easy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2014's comic on:


Tags #engineers, #relations between the sexes, #silicon valley startup, #socially awkward, #seen a woman, #four years, #scalable architecture

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Boss: We bought a Silicon Valley start-up just to get the engineers. Be gentle with them. They're socially awkward and they haven't seen a woman in four years. Coworker: Who's up for a debate about scalable architecture followed by some spawning.

Useless Mansplainers

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Useless Mansplainers - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 07, 2015's comic on:


Tags #mansplainer, #relations between the sexes, #sexism, #Women, #engineers, #programmers, #furstration

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Alice: I can't get any work done because my project team is a bunch of useless mansplainers. Why do men feel the need to explain things to me when I know more than they do? Boss: Let me explain it to you, Alice. Men like to show off and feel important. Alice: Stop it!

Mansplaining The Network

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Mansplaining The Network - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 08, 2015's comic on:


Tags #mansplainer, #mansplaining, #relations between the sexes, #sexism, #frustration

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Mansplaining. Man: Let me explain how our network is designed. Alice: I personally designed our network and I know far more about it than you ever will. Man: Do you know what a cloud is? Alice: It's where you'll be playing your harp in a minute.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 03, 2015's comic on:


Tags #reasoning, #excuse, #leadership, #Promotion, #promote

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Boss: I can't promote you because you didn't have an impact on anything important. Dilbert: How can I have an impact on important things when you put me on unimportant projects? Boss: That sounds like an excuse. Dilbert: What's the difference between an excuse and a great reason? Boss: It depends who says it. Leaders have great reasons when things don't work out, but losers just have excuses. Dilbert: So... you can turn my excuses into great reasons by promoting me? Boss: No, because I can't promote you. Dilbert: That sounds like an excuse.

Tina's Criticism

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Tina's Criticism - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 11, 2016's comic on:


Tags #work spouse, #wife, #wives, #criticism, #nagging, #Women, #relationships

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Tina: As your work wife, I have some constructive criticism for you. Dilbert: Great. Tina: You'd be more attractive if you were taller, I just realized I don't know the difference between constructive criticism and the regular kind.