Search Results for "blame traffic"

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 26, 2017's comic on:


Tags #negotiation, #demand, #haggle, #prices, #pricing, #negotiate

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Negotiate with your vendor and get the price down. Dilbert: I don't know how to negotiate. I'm an engineer. Boss: It's simple. All you need to do is make an aggressive first demand and settle for less. Dilbert: How aggressive are we talking about here? Boss: The more aggressive the better. Dilbert: That doesn't sound right. Boss: Trust me. More is better. Dilbert: My opening demand is that you name me as a beneficiary on your life insurance police, mow my lawn, and die in traffic on the way home. Boss: You got the price down by 35 percent. Dilbert: I really hoped it wouldn't work.

Suboptimal Barry Dingle

Thank you for voting.
Suboptimal Barry Dingle  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 06, 2017's comic on:


Tags #annoyance, #open-door policy, #corporate culture, #pest

View Transcript

Transcript

Barry: Hi, I'm Barry Dingle. I hang around your office door and ask you questions every time you get off the phone. Boss: I hate that. Barry: You can blame your open-door policy for all of it. Boss: This is sub-optimal.

Wally Not Motivated

Thank you for voting.
Wally Not Motivated - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 22, 2017's comic on:


Tags #laziness, #motivation, #behavior, #medical, #treatment, #blame, #accountability, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: I need to take a medical leave to recover from my crippling laziness. Boss: Laziness is a behavior problem, not a medical problem. Wally: That would suggest you have not motivated me enough. Boss: Can't be that. It sounds more like you're dying.

Wally Has A Car Problem

Thank you for voting.
Wally Has A Car Problem  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2018's comic on:


Tags #blame, #excuse, #laziness, #problems, #starbucks, #car problem

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Sorry I'm late. I had a car problem. Boss: What kind of car problem? Wally: I didn't get in it soon enough. Boss: That sounds like a "you" problem. Wally: Then my stupid car took me to Starbucks.

Anyone Fired Lately

Thank you for voting.
Anyone Fired Lately - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 31, 2018's comic on:


Tags #blame, #fired, #scapegoat, #laziness, #excuse

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally: Before I give my project status report, has anyone quit or been fired recently? Boss: I fired Ted last week. Now tell me why your project is late. Wally: It was Ted's fault.

Dilbert Starts The Cover Up

Thank you for voting.
Dilbert Starts The Cover Up  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 10, 2018's comic on:


Tags #conspiracy, #aspersions, #suspicion, #blame, #proof, #guilt, #innocence

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: How conspiracy theories happen. Alice: I think Dilbert is trying to ruin my career. Carol said he was mad about something I said, and hew as in the server room right before I lost my files. This morning he said he "had work to do." Boss: OMG. He already started the cover-up. Narrator: Continued...

How Conspiracy Theories Start

Thank you for voting.
How Conspiracy Theories Start  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 09, 2018's comic on:


Tags #conspiracy, #aspersions, #guilt, #innocence, #blame

View Transcript

Transcript

Narrator: How conspiracy theories start. Alice: I can't find my spreadsheet files. Asok: I saw Dilbert going into the server room. Alice: That doesn't mean any... Asok: Carol said he was mad about something you said. Narrator: Continued...