Consultant Comic Strips - Page 14

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142 Results for Consultant

View 131 - 140 results for consultant comic strips. Discover the best "Consultant" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags security consulatant, without id, badge, strip search, confiscate wallet, lock him janitors closet, extreme, living on mop water

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Dogbert the security consultant Dogbert: "If you see someone without an ID badge..." "...Strip search him, confiscate his wallet, and lock him in the janitor's closet until he starves!" The boss: "That seems a bit extreme." Dogbert: "You're about one minute away from living on mop water."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags dating, internet & world wide web, social media cosultant, one like, less than ten thousand, insulting, elbonian, inflate your like count, socialize, wine glasses, bar wine, kiss, relationships

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Dilbert: What do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a social media consultant. Dilbert: I like you. Woman: Phhht. You're giving me one like? Anything less than ten thousand likes is an insult. Dilbert: I'll be right back. I hired an Elbonian to artificially inflate your like count. Elbonian: Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like. Dilbert: I am not paying that guy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags illness, stress, culture of consulting fiorms, flat linig, false larm, graphs

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Consultant: I haven't slept since October because the culture of consulting firms is anti-health. I'm flat-lining! False alarm. I'm back. Who wants to make some graphs?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags efficiency experts, wide transformation, compettetive, solutions, pay the most, consultants, recommendations

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Boss: Our consultant has recommended a company-wide transformation to make us more competitive. Dilbert: Is it a coincidence that consultants always recommend solutions that pay their firms the most? Boss: How would I know? Dogbert: I'll look into that for you.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags efficiency experts, Advice, consultatn, cms, same advice, pay to leave

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Boss: On the advice of our consultant, we're going to rewrite the CMS from scratch. Alice: How much did you pay the consultant for the same advice your employees gave you for free? Boss: I don't pay consultants for advice. I pay them to leave.

Dogbert's Recommendations

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Dogbert's Recommendations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, consultant, listening, employees, business

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Dogbert Consults. Dogbert: I recommend doing all of the things your employees have been telling you to do. Boss: I don't see why I should pay you for this. Dogbert: Oh. Then how about doing all the things your competition is doing? Boss: Now, that's a great idea. Dogbert: Good, because that's what your employees have been telling you to do.

Dogbert's Personality Profiles

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Dogbert's Personality Profiles   - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags consultant, personality, test, business, psychology

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Dogbert: I have the results of your Dogbert Personality Profiles. Based on your questionnaire answers, Alice is angry, Wally is lazy, and Dilbert is boring. Dilbert: How are we supposed to use this new information? Dogbert: Wake me up when he's done talking.

Dogbert Will Start Monday Or Tuesday

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Dogbert Will Start Monday Or Tuesday - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags negotiation, irony, appointment, deadline, consultant, training, business

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Narrator: Dogbert The Negotiation Trainer. Boss: We'll see you on Monday for our first lesson. Dogbert: Sure. I'll see you on Monday or Tuesday. Possibly Wednesday. Boss: We paid you to start on Monday. Dogbert: Think how much you'll learn when I don't show up.

Placebo Effect New

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Placebo Effect   New - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, consultant, science, explain, ancecdotal, evidence, misleading, placebo, effect

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dilbert: why do you keep explaining to me how science works when you know i already know? sciencesplainer: did you know anecdotal evidence can be misleading? dilbert yelling: yes!!! i knew that!!! sciencesplainer: have you ever heard of the placebo effect? dilbert: GAAAA!!!

Dogbert The Auditor

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Dogbert The Auditor - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags business, business ethics, consultant, company, fee, fraud, crime, report, question

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dogbert: for a reasonable fee, i will audit your company and find any fraud or crime if it exists. dilbert: what's to stop you from taking bribes from the fraudsters and reporting that everything is fine? dogbert: my business model depends on you not asking that kind of question.