Feeble Minded People Comic Strips - Page 14
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The boss reads a memo and thinks, "If I eliminate the training budget, I can afford to hire two more people." The Boss smirks, and thinks, "Then I'll have enough direct reports to get a vice president title." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Shouldn't we have a strategy?" The Boss says, "I have one. Thanks for asking."
Alice is standing in the office with her arms apart from her side and thinks, "Forgotten in the reorganization plan, I exist in org-limbo." Dilbert and Wally walk by as she thinks, "The normal people can't see me or hear me." Dogbert is standing on the bosses desk wearing a turban and says to the boss, "Sometimes the unassigned have unfinished business. I can see them."
The Turnaround CEO Dilbert is standing in front of the CEO's desk saying, "If you let me keep my job, I'll do the work of ten people." The CEO looks like the devil. Dilbert goes on, "Specifically, it would be the ten people in our strategic planning group." Dilbert says, "They don't do much." The CEO replies, "I'd like you to be my traitorous mole."
Dilbert is sitting at a table with a co-worker. The co-worker tells Dilbert: "I'll get this information for you." Dilbert replies: "No you won't. You'll wait until I hunt you down and then you'll say you were too busy." On the couch at home with Dogbert, Dilbert says: "Today I started hating people in advance." Dogbert replies: "It saves time."
Dogbert and Dilbert are on the couch, relaxing at home. Dogbert says: "I'm planning to give worthless awards to famous people." Dogbert continues: "If enough celebrities come to the award ceremony, it will become prestigious." Hair flying in the wind, a celebrity in his convertible speaks into his cell-phone: "I've never heard of the Dogbert Gullibility Award, but it's an honor to be nominated."
An employee explains to the Boss: "We don't pay enough to hire brilliant people for our web team." She continues: "I need webiot savants who don't know they should have better jobs." At a hiring interview the the applicant says: "I'd expect stock options, of course." She turns and yells, "Next!!"
Dilbert tells the Boss: "As requested, I came up with a plan for doing more work with fewer people." He points to a picture of a contraption: "A future version of me will arrive via time machine to help on the project..." He continues: "...unless you say something now that makes me unmotivated."
Dilbert asks the Buddha, "How did you become so enlightened?" The Buddha replies, both eyes still closed "I just eat a lot and tell people their ideas stink." The Buddha looks at the paper Dilbert hands him and asks sarcastically, "Whose shoe did you scrape this off of?
Dilbert sits at his computer working. The Boss approaches with a new employee. The Boss says to the new employee, "Dilbert is one of our social misfits." The Boss says to the new employee, "Your job is to keep him away from normal people." Dilbert, still facing his computer is obviously annoyed by what he is hearing. Unable to keep quiet, Dilbert yells without turning around, "Hello! I'm right here!" The Boss and the new employee unaffected by Dilbert's outburst, continue their conversation. The Boss says to the new employee, "Your title will be Engineering Liason."
Asok says to the Boss, "My accomplishment this week was scheduling fifty people to discuss the bug in our product." Alice says to Asok, "I fixed the bug this morning." Alice continues, "And thanks for not inviting me to the meeting."