Might Hurt Comic Strips - Page 14
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Dilbert stands with his arms extended and says to the Boss, "I'm paralyzed with fear because of the pending merger." Dilbert continues, "Thanks to your leadership I've gone from being unmotivated to being inert." Dilbert says, "I think I'm advancing to the next phase. Hello, rigor mortis!! Take me, I'm ready!!" The Boss walks away thinking, "It might be time for a morale-boosting potluck lunch."
Alice sits at a manager's desk and yells, "A two percent annual raise?!! Wowee!!" Alice continues, "Ha ha! You tried to disappoint me but I compensated by drastically lowering my expectations!" Wally and Dilbert peer in the door and see Alice dancing on a chair and shouting, "Weeee!!" Dilbert says, "Yeah, it MIGHT be a good sign, but I'm thinking not."
Dilbert and Liz sit at a table looking at various containers. Liz says, "These are some of the advanced materials I'm designing at work. That jar holds a pyrophoric substance." Dilbert picks it up and says, "Let's see." The jar explodes in his face. Dilbert looks charred and small clouds of smoke rise from his head. He says, "Yep, that's a good batch." Liz says, "A person from a smarter gender might have said 'What does "pyrophoric" mean?'"
Dogbert, the Boss, Alice and Dilbert sit at a conference table. Dogbert stands on the table, holds up a piece of paper and says, "Your new logo might look like a simple coffee stain, but what does the image say about you?" Dilbert asks, "We're sloppy and unimaginative?" Alice asks, "We give lots of money to consultants and get little in return?" Dogbert looks at the logo and says, "Wow. This is almost TOO good." Dilbert raises his hand and says, "Ooh ooh! How about 'Our opinions don't matter?'"
Dilbert and Wally walk down the hall together. Wally says, "This company makes perfect sense, now that I'm insane." Wally continues, "For example, it might seem as though we're woefully understaffed, but I can compensate by working smarter not harder." Wally walks into Dilbert's cubicle in his underwear with a box on his head and a monitor strapped to his chest. Wally says, "Hey, if I'm capable of working smarter, then why do I work HERE?" Dilbert thinks, "The healing has begun."
Dilbert sits at his desk and tells Dogbert, "I invented a new data encryption program called P.H.B. which stands for Pointy-Haired Boss." Dilbert explains, "It converts e-mail into manager babble. Nobody can intercept and decode my private messages without the key." Dogbert asks, "Who would want to read YOUR messages?" Dilbert says, "Somebody MIGHT want to read my messages. It could happen!" Dogbert says, "And maybe you should carry pepper spray in case supermodels try to kiss you."
Dilbert treads water. A dolphin says to him, "Some dolphins in my situation would help you get to shore safely." The dolphin says, "Others might try to distract you while an accomplice played a cruel joke." Another dolphin swims up behind Dilbert. Dilbert yells, "Come back here with my trunks!!!" One dolphin holds Dilbert's swimsuit in his mouth. The other dolphin says, "Let's asks the humming fish to do the 'Jaws' theme song."
Ratbert walks across Dilbert's desk and says, "You know what's funny? I'll tell you." Ratbert continues, "You're working hard. I'm doing nothing. In a hundred years we'll both be dead." Dilbert says angrily, "You might not need to wait that long." Ratbert says as he walks away, "I think I'll spread some joy over this way."
The Boss hands Tina the Tech Writer a document and says, "Your first draft was boring, so I added a bunch of exclamation points." Tina reads the document and says, "Wow! Those exclamation points make this technical document come alive!" The Boss thinks, "This might be that sarcasm thing I keep hearing about." Tina hugs the document and cries, "I'm in the presence of genius! I beg you to father my children!"
Wally tells the Boss, "I can't sign this performance review! It's full of alleged misdeeds that you invented to lower my rating!" The Boss replies, "Yes, but I think it reflects the sort of things you MIGHT do. I had to make all the reviews fit a bell curve." Wally screams, "I am NOT selling crack from my cubicle!!!"