Motivate Staff Comic Strips - Page 14

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148 Results for Motivate Staff

View 131 - 140 results for motivate staff comic strips. Discover the best "Motivate Staff" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #can't breathe, #demonstration, #evil eye process, #new consultant, #paper cut bleeding, #rasputin, #charisma

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The Boss says to his staff, "This is Rasputin, our new consultant." The Boss continues, "He stopped my paper cut from bleeding." The Boss says to everyone, "He has charisma." Alice says, "I'd like to see a demonstration on Asok." Rasputin looks at Asok fiercely. Asok nervously says, "Ack...can't breathe..." The Boss says to everyone, "That's called the evil eye process. Now do Wally." Rasputin begins to stare at Wally. Wally replies, "Ack...can't breathe..." Wally drops to the floor and the Boss says, "He never had a chance." Dilbert replies, "Your anti-charisma is strong today."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #flattery, #happiness, #underlings, #achievemnets, #warrants praise, #under budget, #head pat, #boss, #enjoys head pat, #psychology

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CEO: I read an article that says leaders should acknowledge the achievements of their underlings. Have you done anything lately that warrants some praise? Boss: Well... I'm under budget because I forgot to staff one of our projects. CEO: Okay, I can work with that. Now I think I'm supposed to pat you on the head or something. Let's try that and see how we feel. Stop leaning in. Boss: Feels... so... good.

Tell Everyone You Are Writing A Novel

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 Tell Everyone You Are Writing A Novel - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #writer, #reputation, #writing, #novel, #peer pressure, #motivation, #frustration, #writers block

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Dilbert: I'm telling everyone I'm writing a novel. That way I can leverage the invisible hand of social influence to motivate me for the next year. Alice: Have you written anything yet? Dilbert: Stop badgering me!!!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers & supervisors, #credit, #motivation, #obliviousness, #hiring, #logic, #business

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Boss: The secret to success is hiring the right people. Dilbert: Then why doesn't everyone do that? Boss: It takes a lot of skill to hire the right people. Dilbert: Did you just find a way to take all of the credit for the team's success? And did you do it in a clever way that was intended to make you look humble even while hogging all the credit? Boss: I also motivate you. Dilbert: You're money?

That's Motivation Not Stalking

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That's Motivation Not Stalking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #compliment, #managers, #jargon, #sincerity, #insincere, #motivation, #motivate, #annoyance, #frustration

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Boss: Alice, you're doing a great job and the company values you. Alice: Your insincere management babble is making me uncomfortable. Boss: That's motivation you're feeling. Alice: I'm getting more of a stalker vibe.

Fifty Slide Presentation

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Fifty Slide Presentation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #managers, #tasks, #presentation, #expectation, #unrealistic, #obliviousness

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Boss: Our CEO wants me to make a fifty-slide presentation for him that will motivate employees. Dilbert: Ha ha! Now you know how we feel when you ask us to do ridiculous things. Boss: Anyway, I don't have time, so I need you to do it for me.

Network Is Slow

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Network Is Slow - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #bandwidth, #network, #speed, #nsfw, #videos, #internet, #technology

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Boss: Why is our network so slow today? Dilbert: I'll check. Okay, it seems that 75 percent of the staff is viewing inappropriate videos. Boss: That's all I wanted to do, too.

The Comparison Problem

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The Comparison Problem  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #entrepreneur, #comparison, #power, #money, #perspective, #happiness, #psychology

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CEO: How'd it go when you told your staff to act more like entrepreneurs? Boss: Not so good. They were happier when they were comparing their careers to other people in cubicles. Dilbert: What?! This idiot is worth a billion dollars now??? Asok: Gaaa!!! I'm a failure!

Picking The Spaceship Staff

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Picking The Spaceship Staff - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #space, #space flight, #rocket, #death, #sacrifice, #astronaut, #medical

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CEO: How's the Mars spaceship project going? Boss: Good. I picked our worst employees to be on the first test flight, just in case it explodes. CEO: Good thinking. Boss: We have two ways to win and no way to lose.

Move To Cubicles Is Complete

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Move To Cubicles Is Complete - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #office workers, #office, #cubicle, #depression, #psychology

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Dilbert: We're done moving the staff from the open office plan back to cubicles. Now they will be less distracted when they focus on the crushing futility of their assignments. Boss: Good job. Dilbert: If you need me, I'll be in my fabric-covered box.