Sounds Good Comic Strips - Page 14
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The Boss and Web Mistress Ming are getting coffee. The Boss says, "I'm a nature lover. When I fish, I only do catch-and-release." Web Mistress Ming says to The Boss, "In other words, you torture fish for fun." The Boss sits at his desk alone and thinks, "I wonder why everything I do sounds bad when it's put in other words."
Dilbert sits at his computer as The Boss says, "Good news: The deadline got pushed back a week." Dilbert says to The Boss, "Good news?! I've been working for forty hours straight to finish on time!" The Boss thinks, "I just realized I don't know the difference between good news and bad news."
Dogbert says to Ratbert, "Ratbert, I have good news and bad news." Dogbert says to a happy Ratbert, "The good news is I'm starting up a power utility company and you're my new VP of Operations!" Dogbert says to a chagrined Ratbert, "The bad news is that your office is inside a wheel attached to a generator."
The boss says to Dilbert, "The key to success is to remain optimistic even when you fail." Dilbert says, "What's the point of succeeding if failing feels good too?" The boss says, "I'll read another page of the magazine article tomorrow and get back to you."
A woman asks Dilbert, "Do you have a good job?" Dilbert says, "It depends on what you mean by good." Dilbert continues, "If you consider the decline of my stock options, I work sixty hours a week for nothing." The woman says, "Hey, look at the time." Dilbert says, "My boss thinks I work eighty hours. Hee hee!"
Dilbert and Alice open a box as Wally stands by, drinking coffee. Alice says, "Dilbert, we should read the set-up instructions." Alice and Dilbert lift the contraption out of the box as Dilbert replies, "Alice, a true engineer never reads the set-up instructions." Wally takes a sip of coffee. Dilbert continues holding the contraption as Alice reads the instruction manual: "It says to keep it away from any slurping sounds." Just then, an arm reaches out and grabs Wally's head.
Dilbert is walking out of the office with his briefcase and his jacket on. The Boss looks at his watch and says, "Leaving at seven?" Dilbert turns and replies, "All of my work is done." The Boss replies, "Then get some more work." Dilbert says, "That would make my life an exercise in futility." The Boss replies, "Exercise is good for you."
Wally and Alice sit on either side of the Boss. Alice looks crazed and her eyes begin to twitch. The Boss says, "...And incrementally develop time-to-market benchmark framework..." Suddenly, Alice throws her arms up and screams out, "This meeting stole two hours of my life!!!" The Boss looks at her, then asks, "Did that help?" Alice, looking exhausted, replies, "Yeah, I'm good for another hour."
The Boss comes into Wally's cubicle and says, "From now on I'll be managing by exception." The Boss continues, "If I don't talk to you for months, assume you're doing a good job." The Boss continues talking, saying "...Or that you're project isn't important...Or that I don't remember your name."
The Boss is sitting at his computer. He thinks to himself, "My powers of communication will inspire them to be better employees." Dilbert points at his computer screen and exclaims, "Gaaa!! He's using his powers of communication against us!" Wally looks on with a panicked expression. Asok walks past Dilbert and Wally's cubicles like a zombie. His arms are out- stretched and his body is stiff. He says, "Must work harder for no good reason." Dilbert and Wally poke their heads from behind their cubicle walls. Dilbert says, "We're too late!"