Stuff To Steal Comic Strips - Page 14
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222 Results for Stuff To Steal
View 131 - 140 results for stuff to steal comic strips. Discover the best "Stuff To Steal" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday March 21,
2007
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Thursday March 29,
2007
Sunday November 04,
2012
Tags work ethic, employee survey, respect and dignity, feel gross, disgust, paper towel
Transcript
Catbert: The first question on the employee survey is... Do you feel you are valued and treated with respect and dignity? Dilbert: Well, let me put it this way... you know how sometimes you step in something gross and then you have to wipe it off your shoe with a paper towel? Catbert: So... you feel like the paper towel? Dilbert: No, the paper towel has a purpose. Catbert: So... you feel like the gross stuff on the shoe? Dilbert: No, the gross stuff gets to leave. I feel like a shoe that has gross stuff on the bottom and a sweaty foot shoved all the way to the end of its sole. Catbert: I'll leave this one blank. Dilbert: Because my opinions don't matter?
Monday December 10,
2012
Tags brain parasite, eliminate redundancy, executives, lying, mergers & acquisitions, more choices
Transcript
Boss: Our CEO has promised that the merger will cause no layoffs. Dilbert: Is that because he's too incompetent to eliminate obvious redundancies or is he just lying? Boss: Can you give me more choices? Dilbert: A brain parasite is making him say stupid stuff?
Friday January 01,
2010
Tags agreeing, meeting, calendar, scheduling, ignorant, clueless, business
Transcript
Dilbert says, "We agreed on about fifty things today, but you didn't take any notes." Dilbert says, "Let's schedule our next meeting to rehash all the stuff you'll forget from today." Dilbert says, "DO you have your calendar with you?" Morgan says, "No. Why do you ask?"
Friday January 22,
2010
Tags cultural sensitivity, elbonians, negotiating, soul, training, yawn
Transcript
CULTURAL SENSITIVITY TRAINING Man says, ?Elbonians believe that if you yawn in their direction, you steal their soul.? Alice says, ?In other words, we can use it as a negotiating tool.? Man says, ?No, that's not...? LATER Alice says, ?Okay, my intern has your soul. Give us a 20% discount or he swallows.?
Saturday February 20,
2010
Tags trash, garbage man, soul, shamwow, suck, wrong, towel over head, steal
Transcript
Asok says, "The word on the street is that you can help me get my soul back." Garbage man says, "Souls are totally fungible. Use this shamwow to absorb someone else's soul while you suck on the other end." Asok thinks, "Why does this suddenly seem so wrong?"
Thursday March 04,
2010
Tags meeting, math, project, fail, disaster, embarrassed, act dumb, cancel, buy, question, demonstrate, hands up, education, business
Transcript
Dilbert says, "The math clearly shows that our project won't work, even if we do everything right." The Boss says, "It's embarrassing to cancel a project in the middle. Let's act dumb and hope someone in upper management cancels it for budget reasons." Dilbert says, "Should I stop buying stuff?" The Boss says, "You should buy twice as much."
Friday May 28,
2010
Tags tired, exhausted, research, lie, avoid work, lab report, meeting, write down, science, business
Transcript
Wally says, "I'm exhausted from all of the basic research I'm doing." Wally says, "It's too bad that the value of my work won't be quantifiable for another ten years." The Boss says, "I'd like to see your lab report." Wally says, "So? the new rule is that we write down stuff?"
Wednesday June 09,
2010
Tags meeting, technical jargon, lame, condescending, integration layer, insult, head, business
Transcript
Wally says, "This week I mapped our applications to our domains and defined the interface between our applications and our software environment." Wally says, "Whatever you did this week probably seems lame compared to all of that." Wally says, "The stuff I'm doing is way up here in what's called in the integration layer." The Boss says, "What's he's been reading?"