Unexpended Stock Options Comic Strips - Page 14

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

193 Results for Unexpended Stock Options

View 131 - 140 results for unexpended stock options comic strips. Discover the best "Unexpended Stock Options" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #pants, #twelve-inch, #waist, #inches, #secret, #retail, #success, #merchandise, #shop, #harder, #retail store

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert asks a salesclerk in a clothing store, "Excuse me, do you have any pants that AREN'T a twelve-inch waist and fifty inches long?" Dilbert holds up a pair of tiny pants and says, "I ask because there are no human beings who could wear these pants, and one of the secrets of retail success is to stock merchandise that somebody might want." Dilbert continues, "Then people would shop here and actually BUY things." The clerk replies, "Wow, that's way harder than what we do."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new dress policy, #allows casual clothes, #stick plunge, #friday, #only safe day, #policy stupid

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits on his couch and Dogbert perches on the backrest. Dilbert tells Dogbert, "Our new dress policy at work allows casual clothes on Fridays." Dogbert responds, "That's good, because studies have shown that Fridays are the ONLY safe day to dress casually; any other day would cause a stock plunge." Dilbert asks, "Is it just me or is that policy stupid?" Dogbert says, "That's not an 'or' question."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #catbert the hr director, #invent illogical policies, #annoy emplyees, #diabolical dress code, #question sanity, #casual clothes, #wally insane

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert is at his desk. He thinks, "I think I'll invent some illogical policies to annoy employees." Catbert continues thinking, "My diabolical new dress code will make them question their own sanity." Reading a document, Dilbert tells Wally, ". . . So, casual clothes DON'T lower our stock value . . . but only if worn on Fridays . . . unless somebody sees us . . . Got it?" Wally puts his hands on his head and replies, "I think I'm insane."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #rather the consultant, #strategy optuons, #matrix, #four boxes, #something, #phase two, #concentric circles, #labels and arrows

View Transcript

Transcript

Ratbert stands in front of a dry erase board and says, "Your strategy options can be shown in this matrix." Dilbert and the Boss sit at a conference table listening to the presentation. Ratbert continues, "The four boxes are 'Something . . . Something . . . Some other thing and whatever.'" Ratbert continues, "In phase two I hope to turn this matrix into concentric circles with labels and arrows." The Boss thinks, "I'm under the consultant's spell."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Catbert, #evil hr dierctor, #life insurance policy, #raise blood pressure, #dangerous levels, #fifty time salary, #ceo

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert peers over a wall and says, "Wally, the company bought a life insurance policy on you." Catbert explains, "Our plan is to raise your blood pressure to dangerous levels." Catbert asks, "Did you know that our CEO makes fifty times your salary even though our stock is down?" Wally covers his ears and shouts, "Ow! Ow! Ow!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stock holder meeting, #wake up, #certification, #jokes, #tech jokes

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert is in his cubicle. The Boss says, "I'm putting you in charge of getting ISO 14000 certification." Dilbert says, "What's the difference between that and ISO 9000?" The Boss says, "About 6000," and laughs. As The Boss walks off he says, "Hey, I think I'll use that at the stockholder meeting!" Dilbert says, "Yeah, that'll wake them up."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #electron hut, #p-connect, #adapter, #shelf, #salesman, #computer

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert walks into a computer store called the "Electron Hut." Dilbert tells the salesman, "I'm looking for a p-connect adapter post." The clerk replies, "We don't have any." Dilbert points to the wall and says, "There's a whole shelf of them right behind you." The salesclerk replies, "They're only five cents apiece. I can't waste my time selling them." Dilbert says, "I'm the only customer in the store! Besides, why do you stock something you don't want to sell?" The clerk throws the posts at Dilbert's head and says, "Here! Take three! And stop wasting my time!" Dilbert kneels on the floor and picks up the posts. The salesman asks, "While you're here, have you seen our fine line of computers?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #free flu shots, #wealth stock holders, #hunt down, #shoot flu darts, #not flu prevention shits

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert is standing at the entrance to Wally's cubicle. Catbert tells him, "The company is giving free flu shots, Wally." A man holding a rifle, wearing safari gear and glasses, reminiscent of Teddy Roosevelt, stands next to Catbert. Catbert continues, "The shots will be delivered by wealthy stockholders who will hunt you down and shoot you with flu darts." Wally, with the barrel of the rifle pointed in his back, asks, "At least I won't get the flu, right?" Catbert replies, "You're probably thinking of the flu prevention shots."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #personal life, #engineering project, #mission, #find girlfreind, #feasible alternatives, #calculate attractiveness, #buying power, #attractive baboon, #face transplant

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "Maybe I should approach my personal life as if it were an engineering project." Dogbert: "What is the mission of this project?" Dilbert: "Find a girlfriend!" Dogbert: "Good. Now consider the feasible alternatives." Dilbert: "Define 'feasible'." Dogbert: "Never mind, let's move on." Dogbert: "Now let's calculate your attractiveness ratio so we can narrow the field of girlfriend options." Dogbert: "Let's see...your buying power narrows the choices to a woman who just got a face transplant from a baboon." Dilbert: "Maybe it was an attractive baboon. I should call her." Dogbert: "Somewhere between desire and engineering lies stupidity."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #intangible benefits, #earn money, #tangible benefits, #emplyees, #stcokholders, #stockholder meeting

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert talks to the boss. The boss sits at his desk. Catbert says, "The employees aren't falling fror the old "intangible benefits" story anymore." The boss says, "Uh-oh. We don't earn enough money to give tangible benefits to employees AND stockholders." Caption: Stockholder meeting. The boss presents a sign that reads "Stock" and has a plummeting line. The boss says, "...Now let's discuss your intangible benefits..." One stockholder pulls a gun. Another stockholder waves his can and curses.