White Water Comic Strips - Page 14
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Dilbert sits in his cubicle adjusting his computer. A man with a strange hat comes in and says, "Halt!" The man continues, "You moved your computer without approval from the central cubicle committee." Dilbert touches the computer screen again and says, "I was simply adjusting the angle." The man in the strange hat gasps. The man throws up his arms and says, "Fool! It will cost $200 for a team of technicians to move it back." Dilbert holds up his plant and says, "It's better this way so my plant won't fall off." The man looks on appalled. The man screams, "We have guidelines!!" Dilbert says, "I know. I stapled them to my wall." Wally sits on float in his cubicle, which is filled to the top with water. Dilbert says, "You'd be surprised what isn't allowed."
Abducted by the government NSA Agent: We're going to waterboard you now. Dilbert: Really? Cool. I don't get touched a lot, so I think I'll enjoy it. Is that all the water you brought? NSA Agent: Okay, this got creepy.
Wally: Weren't you obese yesterday? Dilbert: I got the "Insanity" workout video. Wally: What kind of exercise makes you lose sixty pounds in one day? Dilbert: I didn't exercise. All I did was watch it. Shaun T: And that was the easy part...
CEO: I bought a dolphin for my daughter's birthday party. But it turned out to be a retired Russian military dolphin. It dragged one of the birthday clowns into the pool and drowned him. Dilbert: I though dolphins need to live in seawater. CEO: Maybe that's why it's so angry.
Dilbert: Our CEO Bought a Russian military dolphin for his daughter's pool party and it killed a party clown. Then it stole a smartphone and hired Dogbert to put a hit on the CEO so the dolphin... Garbage Man: That's way too much exposition. Dilbert: ...fill the CEO's mansion with water and live in it forever.
The Hairdresser Illuminati. Dogbert: Before we start, I'll need to see a list of your political views. Hoo-boy, this is some crazy stuff. I have just the right hairstyle for this. There. That should keep you out of The White House.
Ted: My name is Ted. I'm applying for this job of generic white guy. Boss: We just lost our Ted. You look perfect for the job. Ted: Is there anything I should know about the job? Boss: It doesn't end well.
Boss: I want you to take over Ted's software upgrade. Can you finish that in a week? Dilbert: Are you kidding? It will take a week just to bad-mouth his existing code to everyone within walking distance. Boss: Is that part necessary? Dilbert: Like water to a fish.
Boss: We need to be more innovative and more nimble. That's why I created a task force to consider forming a project team to write a white paper on how to start. Dilbert: Maybe they can fix you first. Boss: You can't fix perfect.