Wild Guess Comic Strips - Page 14

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242 Results for Wild Guess

View 131 - 140 results for wild guess comic strips. Discover the best "Wild Guess" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #despair, #employment, #freedom, #jobs, #office, #office workers, #suicide

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Ted: I used to be a photographer, wild and unsupervised. I tasted the sweet nectar of freedom. Carol: Fill out your time report in 15-minute increments so we always know what you're doing. Attempted self-strangulation is code 39. If you succeed, it's 40.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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"Wally, we've been monitoring your Internet usage." "You've been running a side business on eBay, selling our office supplies." "Well, I guess empowerment turned out to be a bunch of blah, blah, blah."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #system failures, #data aren't actionable, #no practical value, #crime, #guilty, #feel awkward, #incident

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Ted says to Dilbert and Wally, "We had fifteen system failures with the previous software." Dilbert says to Ted, "Your data aren't actionable." Ted replies, "What?" Dilbert continues, "Your presentation has no practical walue." Ted throws his hands in the air in defeat and says to Dilbert, "Well, if that's suddenly a crime then call me guilty!" Wally says, "Now the meeting feels awkward can we go back to acting interested?" Dilbert replies, "I guess." Ted says, "Fine. Let's put this ugly incident behind us."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #employees, #improvement plan, #90 day, #individual honor, #valuable service, #polite, #thanks, #business

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Ted: Guess who made it onto the generic ninety-day improvement plan. I don't think of it as an individual honor. I think of it as doing a valuable service for the team. Dilbert: Should we thank him? Wally: Are we polite now?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #executives, #honesty, #low margins, #make money, #extended warrantees, #idiots, #forgetful, #take advantage

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CEO Investor Call CEO: Our margins are so low that we gave up trying to make money that way. Now we make all of our money selling extended warranties to idiots who will forget they bought them. Woot-woot! Guess what the margin on that is! Ha ha! Dilbert: It's okay. We don't let him connect to the outside.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #questioning, #ceo, #lawyer, #salespeople, #psychopathy, #disembowle, #rhetorical, #legal

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CEO: You might be wondering why I called this meeting. Dilbert: Well, I see a CEO, a company lawyer, and two salespeople. Those jobs are highly correlated with psychopathy. My guess is that you invited me here to disembowel me. CEO: It was rhetorical!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #values, #don't run with scissors, #ask for raises, #employee values, #business

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CEO: Experts say we need to empower employees with "values." So I guess we need some values, whatever the heck those are. Boss: I think it's like "Don't run with scissors." CEO: Let's start with that and see if they stop asking for raises.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #mock interview, #weasel, #edit trainer, #costume, #human costume

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Dogbert the Media Trainer Dogbert: "Let's try a mock interview to see how you respond under pressure. Are you a stinking weasel trying to pass as human?!!!" Weasel: What gave it away? Dogbert: "Honestly, it was a lucky guess."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #being moved, #50 miles each way, #hundred

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The Boss says, "Ted, you can keep your job but your office is being moved 50 miles away." Ted says, "Gosh, I guess I could drive another 50 miles each way." The Boss says, "How about a hundred?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #spam filter, #self aware, #managing the company, #messages, #allow through, #email, #hair growth

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Dilbert says, "Our spam filter has become self-aware" Dilbert says, "It's managing the company by deciding which messages to allow through." The Boss says, "All I'm getting is e-mail about hair growth and... ooh, another lucky guess."