Days Comic Strips - Page 15

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

162 Results for Days

View 141 - 150 results for days comic strips. Discover the best "Days" comics from Dilbert.com.

The Science Of Astrology

Thank you for voting.
The Science Of Astrology - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2016's comic on:


Tags #Astrology, #metaphysics, #science, #planning, #sign, #zodiac, #pseudoscience

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: I'll need to know your astrological sign before I put you on his schedule. In the old days, I just gave people the first available slot. It was chaos. Dilbert: So now you use the science of astrology? Carol: It's better than science. It's an art.

Do Not Talk To Ted

Thank you for voting.
Do Not Talk To Ted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 02, 2016's comic on:


Tags #secret, #keeping secrets, #deception

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Don't talk to Ted until I have time to tell him I cut his project. Dilbert: When will that be? Boss: I don't know. My European vacation starts tomorrow. Ted: Do you have ten seconds to talk? Dilbert: Check back in fifteen days.

Ted Has Fly Brain

Thank you for voting.
Ted Has Fly Brain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 09, 2016's comic on:


Tags #greeting card, #sick, #brain damage, #marketing, #advertising, #mindless, #business, #medical

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol: Sign this card for Ted. A fly went up his nose and laid eggs in his brain. Dilbert: Is he coming back to work? Carol: We think he'll live out his days in Marketing.

Who Alan Works For

Thank you for voting.
 Who Alan Works For - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 13, 2016's comic on:


Tags #threat, #motivation, #fear, #work ethic

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: If you do what I tell you to do, I will nominate you for employee of the year. If not, I will spend the rest of my days spreading rumors about you. Terrible, terrible rumors. Dilbert: Hey, Alan. Who do you work for these days? Alan: Whoever scares me the most.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 2016's comic on:


Tags #executives, #robot, #technology, #fairness, #unfair, #golden parachute, #oblivioiusness

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The good news is that none of you will lose your jobs to robots. But a robot will take my job next week. I'll retire with an enormous severance package and live out my days in splendor. Meanwhile, the robot that takes my job will be working all of you to death. Robots are natural leaders because they don't care about your feelings. You will experience mental and physical misery on a scale the world hasn't seen since slavery was legal. But hey, it's better than losing your job to a robot. Am I right? Apparently, nothing makes them happy.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 02, 2016's comic on:


Tags #correction, #correcting, #freak out, #anger, #tress, #Advice, #eavesdropping, #awkward, #temper

View Transcript

Transcript

Man: What's the best way to invest these days? Boss: Penny stocks are the best value because they only cost a penny. Dilbert: Gaaa!!! I hate over hearing bad advice! Boss: If I were you, I"d take out a second mortgage and load up. Dilbert; I don't want to get involved, but I'll feel bad if I don't. Boss: You'll get reliable stock-picking advice from strangers on television. Dilbert: Run! Cover your ears and run! If it makes you feel any less awkward, I don't now what to do now, either.

Food Poisoning On Trip

Thank you for voting.
Food Poisoning On Trip - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 24, 2016's comic on:


Tags #misery, #suffering, #travel, #health, #work

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: How'd your business trip to Elbonia go? Dilbert: Not so good. I got food poisoning and spent two days in a fetal position praying for death. Boss: It must feel good to be back. Dilbert: It's closer to a tie than you'd think.

Programming Environment

Thank you for voting.
Programming Environment - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 02, 2017's comic on:


Tags #productivity, #programmer, #engineer, #developer, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Did you finish writing the software? Dilbert: No. I spent the last three days setting up my programming environment. Boss: So... you've done... nothing? Dilbert: Nothing you'd understand.

Days Off Versus More Pay

Thank you for voting.
Days Off Versus More Pay - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share February 04, 2017's comic on:


Tags #catch-22, #wages, #trick question, #vacation, #compensation, #money

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Would you rather have more days off or more pay? Alice: Days off. Dilbert: Days off. Wally: Days off. Boss: You were right-- we're paying them too much.

Actual Company Policy

Thank you for voting.
Actual Company Policy - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 13, 2017's comic on:


Tags #complaining, #management, #manipulation, #strategy, #vacation, #training, #company policy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't approve your vacation days because you haven't completed the mandatory class on fax machine safety. Dilbert: Is that an actual company policy? Boss: I don't know, but it sounds like one. Dilbert: Maybe we should check. Boss: Wow. Is there anything you DON'T complain about?