Condescending Engineer Comic Strips - Page 15

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265 Results for Condescending Engineer

View 141 - 150 results for condescending engineer comic strips. Discover the best "Condescending Engineer" comics from Dilbert.com.

Alice Is Highest Paid Engineer

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Alice Is Highest Paid Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discrimination, #money, #salary, #sexism, #violence, #wages, #Women, #highest paid, #sciccors, #mallet, #reputation

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Alice: I'm the highest-paid engineer in the department now. Dilbert: Does it have anything to do with those scissors, the mallet, and your reputation for violence? Alice: Would you ask a man that question? Dilbert: Gaaa!!! It's like a super-power!

Drones Attack Dilbert

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Drones Attack Dilbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #engineer, #engineers, #drone, #drones, #government contract, #contractor, #retaliation, #engineering

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G-Man 1: Oh-oh. The fugitive hacker Dilbert rolled down a hill and found a cell signal. G-Man 2: Relax. What can one engineer with a phone do against a superpower with armed drones? G-Man 1: Who do you think makes our drones???!!!

Engineer Touches Spreadsheet

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Engineer Touches Spreadsheet - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #numbers, #budget, #obliviousness, #approval, #disease, #contagious, #managers, #executives, #accuracy, #fantasy

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CEO: I approve this project based on your boss' spreadsheet calculations. His calculations must be accurate because an engineer handed them to me. Is that all you need? Dilbert: I need a hug, but I don't want to catch whatever caused all of this.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job, #scope, #negotiating, #engineer, #demands, #failure, #stress, #business, #engineering

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Boss: We need to cut our budget. Go to all of our vendors and tell them to reduce their prices. Dilbert: Why would they do that for us? Boss: Tell them we'll buy from someone else unless they do. Dilbert: That's what we told them to get the prices we have now. I'm an engineer, not a professional negotiator. Your plan has failure designed into it. Your poor leadership already has me on the edge of madness. This could push me over the edge. Boss: And I need it done by Tuesday.

Engineer With No Soul

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Engineer With No Soul - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #soul, #motivation, #cruelty, #abuse

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Boss: I hired an engineer who has no soul. This way, I won't feel so bad when I motivate him with emotional abuse. Dilbert: You're joking, right? Boss: Ha! You're right. I never feel bad about stuff.

Glass Is Half Full

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Glass Is Half Full - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #Wally, #the boss, #glass, #half empty, #half full, #the engineer, #pie hole

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The Boss: A pessimist says the glass is half empty. An optimist says it is half full. Dilbert: The engineer says the glass is too big. The Boss: The manager says the engineer should shut his pie hole.

Sciencesplainer New

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Sciencesplainer   New  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sarcasm, #business, #sciencesplainer, #meetings, #interrupt, #condescending, #science

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boss in meeting wearing face mask: i hired a sciencesplainer for our meetings. he'll interrupt us every ten minutes to explain, in a condescending way, how science works. dilbert wearing face mask: why do we need that? boss: it's just something we do.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #engineers, #lust, #pon farr cycle, #irreversible urge, #mating season, #engineer mating season, #spawn, #prodcut, #unnecessary steps, #rarely happens, #specifications, #vague

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Tina says, "Did you hear that Dilbert and Alice are on the same Pon Farr cycle?" Carol says, "What?" Tina says, "Every seven years, engineers have an irresistible urge to mate. Their spawn would be the product of two engineers." There's a reason it rarely happens Dilbert says, "Your plan has unnecessary steps!" Alice says, "Your specifications are vague!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #anger, #engineers, #honesty, #beginning of decline, #salted note, #good idea, #why don't we format, #social product

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The Boss says, "I have a great idea! Why don't we make our product social?" Dilbert says, "Because when you start to understand a concept, it marks the beginning of its decline." Dilbert says, "On a related note, it's never a good idea to ask an engineer a question in the 'why don't we' format."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #newspapers, #wages, #managers & supervisors, #business, #money

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Alice says, "I just saw in the news that Google gave an engineer millions of dollars. I'm underpaid!" The Boss says, "I'll speak to our director of human resources and see how I can fix this situation." Alice says, "Really?" The Boss says, "How can we stop news?"