Flushing Self Comic Strips - Page 15
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Boss: One of my employees keeps embellishing his accomplishments. CEO: If he works in engineering, fire him. If he works in marketing, promote him. Boss: He doesn't work at all. CEO: Sounds like you have a leader on your hands.
Dogbert: How's your novel coming along? Dilbert: I'm off to a slow start. All I did this week is stare at a blank screen and feel bad about my lack of talent. Dogbert: Maybe try writing something. Dilbert: I have to think that would make things worse.
Boss: I have a report that you killed Ted in a cafeteria brawl. Dilbert: Not exactly. My brain stimulator had a software glitch, and it made me homicidal for a minute. Boss: So... you're a murderer, right? Dilbert: Software killed Ted. I was only the weapon.
Police Officer: Halt! You are under arrest for killing Ted in a cafeteria fight. Dilbert: I am innocent. My brain stimulator had a software glitch that made me do it. Police Officer: But you had free will, right? Dilbert: Do I have to believe in magic just to get arrested?
Thief: Hey! Give me your wallet. Boss: I must warn you that I am skilled in the arts of yoga, feng shui, and Irish dancing. Dilbert: But it wasn't enough? Boss: He did a fist thing.
Dogbert: Welcome to Dogbert's one-week training class for negotiators. I believe in leading by example, so this entire course will involve me trying to persuade you to buy my book. If everyone in the class buys my book, you can all have the rest of the week off. Voice: Done.
Asok: Why is Alice always so angry? Wally: It's a function of her unrealistic expectations. I'm never disappointed because I expect people to be ignorant, self-absorbed, and useless. Asok: Present company excluded? Wally: And there it is.
Wally: Have you ever noticed how much I have in common with Gandhi? We're both little bald guys who think India should be self-governing. Dilbert: I don't think he drank coffee. Wally: Imagine what he could have accomplished if he did.