5 Year After Comic Strips - Page 15
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View 141 - 150 results for 5 year after comic strips. Discover the best "5 Year After" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share January 17, 1996's comic on:
Dogbert sits at a table with a client and says, "If you plan to remain in the computer business you'd better bundle the 'Dogbert 2000' operating system with every unit you sell." Dogbert continues, "Otherwise, after I dominate the market you'll be last on my list to receive new products!" The man says, "You remind me of somebody . . ." Dogbert responds, "It's the glasses, isn't it?"
Share February 02, 1996's comic on:
The Boss, Alice and Dilbert stand next to the coffee machine. The Boss says, "I need everybody to help in the shipping department today." The Boss continues, "Every product that ships before the end of the month gets counted as revenue for the fiscal year. Unfortunately, we don't have inventory." Dilbert, Alice and Wally each have an open box in front of them. The Boss continues, "So we'll ship whatever is lying around, book it as revenue and sort it out later." Wally reaches into his mouth and says, "This one's getting gum."
Share February 08, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert follows the Boss into his office and says, "I told you this project would take a year. But on my objectives you say I must have it done in three months." Dilbert continues, "Which of these reasons best describes why: A. You have great confidence in me. B. You think I padded my estimate. C. You hate my guts." The Boss responds, "We don't really need the project. It's just a way to keep raises low." Dilbert says, "I just felt a little dip in my motivation."
Share March 14, 1996's comic on:
Dilbert and Wally stand in front of Ratbert who is standing on a desk. Dilbert says, "Ratbert, we'd like you to be the Director of Marketing for the company we're starting." Ratbert says, "Okay! What do I do?" Dilbert responds, "Be as annoying and illogical as you can. We'll whack you in the head with balled-up socks to make you shut up." Ratbert lies on the table after being beaten with socks. Dilbert says, "It's definitely better to be an owner than an employee." Wally says, "Let's link his salary to earnings! Hee hee!"
Share March 24, 1996's comic on:
Alice says to the Boss, "Here's the analysis you asked for . . . I worked all night." Alice continues, "But you said this was vital for your meeting today so I know it was worth the effort." The Boss sits at his desk reading the report. He says, "This is excellent work, Alice." Alice closes her eyes and thinks, "A rare compliment; it was all worthwhile." As Alice walks away the Boss says, "I'll use it as backup material." Alice says angrily, "Backup?!! Nobody looks at backup material!" Alice says, "I'm going to grab your pointy hair, yank you out of that cheap suit and fling your naked body down the hall." The Boss lies in the hall with no clothes on. Wally says, "She's always irritable the week before her performance review cycle." Dilbert says, "Her distance improved this year."
Share March 31, 1996's comic on:
The Boss says to Alice, Wally and Dilbert, "It's my honor to present this special bonus check to Barry." Alice turns to the man next to her and says, "That's you." The man stares straight ahead as he replies, "MY name is Barry??" The Boss says, "This is for working hundreds of hours of overtime." The Boss continues, "While you quitters were going home by 9 pm every night . . ." The Boss continues, "Barry remained at work staring at his computer for hours." Barry eats the bonus check. The Boss continues, "It's important to recognize extra effort." The Boss continues, "Sadly, that's the end of the special bonus budget for the year." Barry burps. Wally says, "In retrospect, I shouldn't have told Barry that his screen saver is an epic miniseries." Dilbert and Alice glare at him.
Share April 15, 1996's comic on:
The Boss appears in the door of Alice's cubicle and says, "Alice, you've been working eighteen hours a day. I realized I must add a person to the effort." The Boss continues, "So I hired a night shift manager. After I go home at five o'clock he'll take over and ask why you're behind schedule." The night shift manager says to Alice, "I like my status reports rendered in 3-D, but don't spend a lot of time on it."
Share April 16, 1996's comic on:
The night shift manager brings a dog into Alice's cubicle and says to Alice, "This dog is specially trained to detect wasted resources." As the dog begins sniffing, the night manager continues, "He'll help me find out why your project is behind schedule even after adding me as manager." The dog holds an arrow with his tail and points it at the night manager. The manager says, "We'll begin as soon as he's done playing around."
Share April 21, 1996's comic on:
A man says to Dilbert, "Yo, Dil-man!" Dilbert sits at his desk and thinks, "Uh-oh, it's Ken from sales." Ken says, "I told our biggest customers how great our next product will be. Now nobody will buy our current product." Ken asks, "When will the new version be available?" Dilbert replies, "In a year or two." Ken looks shocked. Ken says, "Hmm . . . I seem to have single-handedly destroyed an entire product line." Ken continues, "Luckily our biggest competitor is hiring sales people. And I'm betting THEY'LL have brisk sales this year! Commissions galore!" Dilbert thinks, "If there's justice in this world, the idiots will be punished . . ." Dilbert thinks, ". . . Before they get promoted." The Boss tells Dilbert, "Um . . . We need the new version by Tuesday."
Share April 28, 1996's comic on:
The Boss approaches Dilbert and Alice carrying a box. He says, "Great news! The company set a new record for profits!" The Boss continues, "That means t-shirts for everyone!" The Boss continues, "You can choose from sizes 'small,' 'petite' or 'elfin.'" Alice holds up a shirt and asks, "Shouldn't these have the company name or logo on them?" The Boss replies, "Hey, that's an idea for next year!" Alice reads the label and says, "It's 1 percent cotton, 99 percent 'miscellaneous' and all hand-made by authentic slave laborers." Dilbert replies, "That's great! With slave labor you don't have the problem that the shirts made on Fridays aren't as good!" Alice asks, "Do you ever worry that our career expectations have gotten too low?" Dilbert says, "Don't go there, Alice." Wally walks in wearing a small shirt and says, "'Casual day,' here I come!"