Common Stock Comic Strips - Page 15

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

226 Results for Common Stock

View 141 - 150 results for common stock comic strips. Discover the best "Common Stock" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

Vijay, the world's most desperate venture capitalist "I need a hundred billion to build an ocean city on barges." "Take my money!!! Take it, take it, take it!" "Do I get stock or something?" "How about an insincere wag?" Insincere wag! $ $

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

My new strategy is to hire passionate people instead of smart ones. "I curse the air conditioning system that blows such a cold wind!" "I can already feel our stock price going up."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

View Transcript

Transcript

"Dilbert, meet Albert. He's old, but I like to call him experienced." "I'm trying to win an award for being one of the best places to work if you have one foot in the grave." "I'm only 54. I ran a marathon yesterday." "I asked the cafeteria to stock up on food that's easy to gum."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pr campaign, #stock price, #grossly inflated, #buy companies, #make money, #manage companies

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: Thanks to my P.R. campaign, your stock price is grossly over-inflated." "Now you can use your stock to buy companies that actually make money." "After you manage those companies into the toilet, give me a jingle."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Advice, #finances, #money, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Financial Advisor Man: You've made a lot of money as a demotivational speaker. I recommend allocating 2% of it to me, and 98% to things that sound good if you don't look into them too closely. How about a managed stock fund with high churn and a big front-end load? Wally: Sounds good.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #factory, #elbonia, #stock swap, #reached agreement, #rebels, #company value, #terrorits, #indirectly

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: "I reached an agreement with the rebels so they won't attack our factory in Elbonia." "It's a stock swap. Every time they collect a ransom, the value of our company will increase." The Boss: "Doesn't that make us terrorists?" Dilbert: "Very indirectly."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #stock holder meeting, #gadflies, #stock price dropped, #sleep at night

View Transcript

Transcript

Stockholder meeting CEO: Do we have any questions from Gadflies? You earned 72 million dollars while our stick price dropped nine percent. How can you sleep at night? CEO: ZZZZZ

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #pronouned hay-soos, #fixed eye sight, #hair regrow, #40 shares, #punch pilot light, #ceo, #team organizer

View Transcript

Transcript

Pronounced Hay-soos. Wally: The new team leader, Jesus, is gaining quite a following." He fixed my eyesight and made my hair regrow. I think he wants your job as CEO. For forty shares of stock, I could point him out at lunch. CEO: I'll punch his pilot light out!"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogcart the ceo, #start rumors, #spread lies, #stock pop up, #stock options, #steal, #before computers

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO Dogbert thinks, "Start some rumors, spread some lies..." Dogbert says, "Wait for the stock to pop up... exercise my stock options... bang!" Dogbert thinks, "How did people steal before computers?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #follow arc, #phase one, #unwarranted optimism, #delusions of competence, #phase two, #obstructionists slither, #smother dreams, #ignorance and envy, #fuel rumors, #morph into common knowledge, #resources allocated, #misinformation and favoritism, #requirements will drift, #undesirable and impossible

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Our project plan will follow the usual arc." Dilbert says, "Phase one will be unwarranted optimism supported by delusions of competence." Dilbert says, "In phase two, the obstructionists will slither out of their lairs and try to smother our dreams." Dilbert says, "Ignorance and envy will fuel rumors that get repeated until they morph into common knowledge." Dilbert says, "Resources will be allocated based on misinformation and favoritism." Dilbert says, "And requirements will drift until the project is both undesirable and impossible." Dilbert says, "That brings us to the second week." Asok says, "I want my unwarranted optimism back."