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Dilbert holds his arms away from his body. He asks Dogbert, "Notice anything different?" Dogbert replies, "You're holding your arms out like this." Dilbert replies, "I've been lifting weights!" Dilbert continues, "My arms do this automatically because of the muscles." Dogbert asks, "What muscles would make your arms stick out?" Dilbert replies, "Obviously, it's some sort of armpit muscle. I don't know the Latin name." Dilbert puts his arms over his head and says, "I'm going to keep at it until I have huge armpits and I have to keep my arms straight up all the time." Dogbert asks, "Why are you doing this?" Dilbert replies, "I just want to look good."
Dilbert sits at the table drawing on a piece of paper. Dilbert says, "People don't realize how easy it is to draw 'The Simpsons.'" Dilbert shows his picture of Bart Simpson to Dogbert and says, "See, he's riding a bicycle." Dogbert says, "Your Bart is worse than your bike."
Andy: Androids want to be like humans. Tell me what humans do. Dilbert: Mostly, they eat, sleep, and hope they don't die. Andy: That's it? Dilbert: Unless they find religion... Then they eat, sleep, and look forward to dying.
The strip is titled, "The secrets of men. A guide for women." The caption says, "Women wonder why men say dumb things to start conversations." Dilbert asks a woman, "Are you a model?" The caption says, "Why can't men take a hint?" The woman replies, "No, but my boyfriend is a killer." The caption says, "Why are men so thick?" Dilbert asks, "Are you free Saturday?" The caption says, "Why are excuses useless?" The woman replies, "I have to wash my goldfish." Dilbert asks, "How about Sunday?" The caption says, "Why don't men understand the word no?" The woman says, "No no no no no no . . ." Dilbert asks, "What are you trying to say?" The caption says, "Men know why they act like that:" Dilbert and the woman look at each other. The caption says, ". . . Sometimes it works." Dilbert and the woman walk into the sunset holding hands.
The strip is titled, "Dogbert's guide to your tax dollars." A vacuum cleaner sucks up dollar bills. Dogbert says, "Did you ever wonder how all that tax money gets spent? Roll the tape." The caption says, "Inventing secret things." Two scientists look at a device. One of them says, "It doesn't look like much, but it'll smart like crazy if you sit on it." The caption says, "Sending secret things into space." The other scientist says, "Maybe we'd better classify it secret and send it into space with the other stuff." The caption says, "Education." A teacher says, "Sex will kill you, food will kill you, smoking will kill you, alcohol will kill you, drugs will kill you . . ." The children sitting at their school desks look frightened. The caption says, "Art grants for things you aren't open-minded enough to appreciate." Dilbert looks at a shoe sitting on a pedestal. The artist says, "I call it 'The Bug I Hated.'" The caption says, "Advanced health care." Two doctors stand next to a bed where a skeleton lies. One physician says, "You were right, Benson. X-rays and microwaves are not the same thing." The caption says, "Paying Congress." A senator says, "Our raises came through!" Another says, "I think I'll send myself a thank-you note!"
The caption says, "When you're alone, you start thinking weird thoughts." Dilbert sits in his desk chair thinking, "Do bugs sweat?" The caption says, "The longer you're alone, the weirder it gets." Dilbert holds a pen in his palm and thinks, "I can levitate this pen with my mind." The caption says, "Don't stay alone too long." Dilbert sits in his house thinking, "How would it feel if I shaved my entire body."
Dilbert stands next to an easel holding a pointer. He says, "This concludes my proposal to the executive committee. Any questions?" An executive replies, "No, I think most of us were thing about other things." The man continues, "But here's my impression of what you looked like giving the presentation." The man stands up and mocks Dilbert. He says, "Fuh fuh fuh . . ." Another exec says, "No, no, it was more like . . ." The man stands up, makes a funny face and says, "Fuh fuh fuh . . ." Dilbert arrives at home. Dogbert asks, "How did your presentation go?" Dilbert replies, "Don't ask." Dogbert says, "Fuh fuh. Don't ask. Fuh fuh . . ."
Dogbert walks along the sidewalk humming. Dogbert meets a man in a robe and slippers followed by two men in suits. Dogbert says, "Good morning, Mister Rich Person!" The man replies, "Good morning." One of the men behind him says, "I don't know about 'good.'" The other says, "Depends." Dogbert asks, "Have you been hurt by the slumping economy?" The wealthy man replies, "I've had to make some bold cost-cutting moves." The man behind him says, "I don't know about 'bold.'" The other man says, "Questionable." The rich man says, "I used to surround myself with yes-men . . . Now, all I can afford are these maybe-men." One of the maybe-men asks, "Did you know that the back of your head looks like an acorn squash?" The rich man says, "It takes some getting used to."
Dogbert says, "Ratbert!" Ratbert says, "Dogbert! I've come to visit!" Ratbert extends his arms and says, "Your body language says you don't want to hug me. What's wrong? Is it because I'm a rat?" Dogbert asks, "What have you been testing at the lab?" Ratbert replies, "Madonna's 'Compulsion' perfume. Why?"