Fire You Comic Strips - Page 15

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202 Results for Fire You

View 141 - 150 results for fire you comic strips. Discover the best "Fire You" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 11, 2011's comic on:


Tags #employees, #unemployed, #job performance, #fire someone, #cubicle, #fired, #wake up call, #greatness, #business

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Boss: Dilbert, your job performance is terrific. Dilbert: GAAA!!! That's code for "I'm going to fire someone else and make you do two jobs." Boss: Yes, but it's still better to be you than the guy I'm going to fire. Dilbert: We don't know that! This might be the wake-up call that spurs him on to greatness while I work myself to death in this cubicle. Boss: There's no way to please some people. Ted, you're fired. Ted: YES!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 19, 2011's comic on:


Tags #employees, #ignorance (knowledge), #fire wally, #can't risk, #zeberpupin system, #only one, #program, #business

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Boss: I want to fire Wally, but I can't risk it. He says he's the only one who can program the Zeberpupin System. Catbert: Are you sure that's true? Boss: It must be. No one else has even heard of it.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 12, 2012's comic on:


Tags #consolidating, #marketing, #illusion, #golf, #ceo, #money, #shared services, #Sports, #business

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Boss: We're consolidating our marketing into a shared services model. Asok: Why? Boss: Change creates the illusion that we have a strategy while giving our CEO an excuse to fire a VP who beat him at golf. And blah, blah, something about money. Asok: Must... not... cry... on the outside.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 30, 2012's comic on:


Tags #business failures/bankruptcies, #stock market, #innovative pordcuts, #in pipeline, #r&d budget, #firings, #sexy startup, #work smarter, #ironic, #money

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Boss: Our stock is down 49% and we have no innovative products in the pipeline. CEO: Slash the R&D budget, fire 9,000 employees, and buy a sexy start-up company that we can run into the ground. Boss: We did all of that last year. CEO: Did I already tell the employees to work smarter? Boss: Yes. They thought you were being ironic.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 23, 2013's comic on:


Tags #anger, #executives, #happiness, #deadline, #no disturbance, #threat, #fired, #do/dont, #sexist, #powertrip, #euphoria, #overpaid, #psychology

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Boss: I'm on a deadline, so don't let anyone disturb me for at least an hour. If anyone gets past you, you're fired. CEO: Tell your boss to come to my office now. Carol: He'll fire me if I disturb him. CEO: I'm your CEO! Disturb your boss now or I'll fire you. Boss: I heard that, and if you disturb me, you're fired. CEO: You're fired if you don't! Boss: You're fired if you do! CEO: Whoa! Hold on! I'm getting a sudden wave of euphoria. Boss: Me too! CEO: Is it because we're overpaid? Boss: It... it feels... wonderful!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2013's comic on:


Tags #boredom, #cruelty, #managers & supervisors, #expensive, #japanese management technique, #banishment room, #tolerance for boredom, #business

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Boss: Ted, I don't want to fire you because that would be expensive. So I'm borrowing a Japanese management technique and transferring you to a banishment room until you get so bored you quit. Ted: Looks like someone underestimated my tolerance for boredom.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 18, 2013's comic on:


Tags #ignorance (knowledge), #managers & supervisors, #innovate, #google, #apple, #3m, #smart people, #fire yourselves, #business, #technology

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Dogbert: Today I'll teach you how to innovate the way Apple, Google, and 3M do it. Replace all of your dimwitted employees with smart people... then fire yourselves. The rest is just blah, blah, blah. Boss: Should we be taking notes?

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2013's comic on:


Tags #burglars & robbers, #frustration, #lab, #stealing back cables, #worse problem, #boss, #adds fuel to fire

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Dilbert: Every time I leave the lab, some jerk steals my cables and replaces them with their bad ones. Then I have to spend hours stealing back one cable at a time and testing each one. Boss: Doesn't that make you one of the cable-stealing jerks? Dilbert: You've never met a problem you couldn't worsen.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 08, 2013's comic on:


Tags #gratitude, #managers & supervisors, #work ethic, #great leadership, #project, #useful things, #good work, #greedy, #business

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Boss: I'd like to thank myself for my great leadership on the project. Some of you did useful things, too, but only because I threatened to fire you if you didn't. So don't let it go to your heads. Catbert: I hope you didn't tell them they did good work. Boss: No, that makes them greedy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 25, 2014's comic on:


Tags #frustration, #ignorance (knowledge), #project team, #forrest fire, #dropping baby, #analogy, #available people, #stop progress

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Boss: Alice, I'm adding Jeff to your project team. Alice: That's like trying to put out a forest fire by dropping a baby on it. Boss: I'm available to help, too. Alice: Okay, your job is to keep Jeff from doing anything.