High Traffic Cube Comic Strips - Page 15

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

213 Results for High Traffic Cube

View 141 - 150 results for high traffic cube comic strips. Discover the best "High Traffic Cube" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #new employee, #threat, #disagreement, #scared

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert the CEO versus the MBA Man says, "My analysis doesn't support your strategy." Dogbert says, "My analysis says I can hire there high school dropouts to slap you until it does." Man says, "No?please, not dropouts!" Dogbert says, "They will kick your assumptions."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lazy, #new employee, #youth, #argument, #violence, #pain, #victory

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally says, "And obviously I can't do anything until our floom vendor updates the glimrods." Man says, "I'll bitspew a protopatch to your glimrod array and you can get right to work." Sometimes a young engineer challenges the dominant work-avoider in the herd. Wally says, "Oh, really?" Wally says, "Too bad the router isn't configured to handle protopatch server traffic." Man says, "I'll remotely reconfigure the router to think the protopatch server is a hexadulian data compressor." Wally says, "If you do that, you'll crash the firewall and expose everyone at this table to identity theft!" Tina says, "Stop that! I have enough problems!" Punch! Wally says, "Never go network on me, kid."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #reading, #budget, #fixing, #failure

View Transcript

Transcript

The boss says, "We can only afford to fix the high-priority bugs." Dilbert says, "If we don't fix 100% of the bugs, the software will be 100% useless." Dilbert says, "So our plan is to fail?" The boss says, "More slowly."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #meeting, #ridicule, #cruel, #mean, #rude, #angry, #annoyed, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "With your skills, you have a variety of career options." Catbert says, "For example, you could flap your arms and fly to a planet that places a high value on morons." Catbert says, "Etcetera."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #management theory, #engineer, #find, #choices, #unhelpful, #useless, #office, #characters, #impractical, #doomed, #high demand, #engineering

View Transcript

Transcript

Man says, "I need you to assign one of your engineers to my project." The Boss says, "Follow me and I'll show you your choices." The Boss says, "This one is highly capable, but she's in such high demand that you'll be lucky if she ever returns a call." The Boss says, "This one is aggressively unhelpful." The Boss says, "This one will tell you that all of your plans are impractial and doomed." The Boss says, "That one is an intern, so no one takes him seriously." The Boss says, "My management theory is that nature makes everyone useless in their own way." Man says, "I'm not useless." The Boss says, "Said the man who can't find a good engineer."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #victor, #project, #cube, #instructions, #hold piece of paper, #shoot, #press button, #goat head, #transform, #machine

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says, "Victor didn't leave us much documentation on his project." FZEEET! Dilbert says, "I guess that's what he meant by 'still working on the goat head issue.'"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #copy machine, #paper jam, #poltergeist, #scary, #horror, #upside down, #legs sticking up, #high heels, #kick legs, #yell, #afterworld, #arms, #flail, #hold out arm

View Transcript

Transcript

Tina says, "I can almost reach the paper jam, but a poltergeist is trying to drag me to the afterworld." Tina says, "Maybe I can blind him with the toner cartridge. Ha ha! Take that! And that!" Tina says, "Gaaa!!! I can't feel my arms!" Dilbert says, "I only have one."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #human resources, #evil director, #employee, #morale, #high, #happy, #overpaid, #nature, #yell, #clouds, #unhappy, #hands clasped, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "I'm getting reports that your morale is too high." Catbert says, "Happiness is nature's way of informing human resources that you're overpaid." Employee says, "Nature wants me to be unhappy?" Catbert says, "Don't blame me. Go yell at the clouds."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #high priorities, #standing, #coffee, #vendor comparison, #face front, #work ethic, #lazy, #suspicious, #annoyed

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "Wally, did you finish the vendor comparison?" Wally says, "I'm proud to say I did not." Wally says, "You told me to focus on my highest priorities, and that wasn't one of them." The Boss says, "So? when can I expect it?" Wally says, "Logically, that would be never." Wally says, "If that task ever became the most important thing I was doing, you'd eliminate my position." The Boss says, "True. But at least you're getting the high priority stuff done, right?" Wally says, "So far, it's taking all of my energy to avoid doing the low priorities."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #project, #transfer, #honesty, #truth, #limbo cube, #sad, #flashy, #sexy

View Transcript

Transcript

The Boss says, "I?m glad your project was transferred to my department, Ronald." The Boss says, "Your project is flashy! It's sexy!" The Boss says, "But it's not worth funding because the revenue projections are puny." The Boss says, "Until something changes, you'll be in the limbo cube." The Boss says, "I'll trot you out whenever a customer or an executive visits." The Boss says, "You can show your sexy-flashy powerpoint slides while dreaming of being relevant." The Boss says, "If you work hard, someday you'll be totally forgotten." The Boss says, "Did you know that honesty makes people sad?"