High Traffic Cube Comic Strips - Page 15
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Character
215 Results for High Traffic Cube
View 141 - 150 results for high traffic cube comic strips. Discover the best "High Traffic Cube" comics from Dilbert.com.
Saturday May 23,
2009
Tags new employee, threat, disagreement, scared
Transcript
Dogbert the CEO versus the MBA Man says, "My analysis doesn't support your strategy." Dogbert says, "My analysis says I can hire there high school dropouts to slap you until it does." Man says, "No?please, not dropouts!" Dogbert says, "They will kick your assumptions."
Sunday May 24,
2009
Tags lazy, new employee, youth, argument, violence, pain, victory
Transcript
Wally says, "And obviously I can't do anything until our floom vendor updates the glimrods." Man says, "I'll bitspew a protopatch to your glimrod array and you can get right to work." Sometimes a young engineer challenges the dominant work-avoider in the herd. Wally says, "Oh, really?" Wally says, "Too bad the router isn't configured to handle protopatch server traffic." Man says, "I'll remotely reconfigure the router to think the protopatch server is a hexadulian data compressor." Wally says, "If you do that, you'll crash the firewall and expose everyone at this table to identity theft!" Tina says, "Stop that! I have enough problems!" Punch! Wally says, "Never go network on me, kid."
Monday June 22,
2009
Saturday August 01,
2009
Tags meeting, ridicule, cruel, mean, rude, angry, annoyed, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil director of human resources Catbert says, "With your skills, you have a variety of career options." Catbert says, "For example, you could flap your arms and fly to a planet that places a high value on morons." Catbert says, "Etcetera."
Sunday February 07,
2010
Tags management theory, engineer, find, choices, unhelpful, useless, office, characters, impractical, doomed, high demand, engineering
Transcript
Man says, "I need you to assign one of your engineers to my project." The Boss says, "Follow me and I'll show you your choices." The Boss says, "This one is highly capable, but she's in such high demand that you'll be lucky if she ever returns a call." The Boss says, "This one is aggressively unhelpful." The Boss says, "This one will tell you that all of your plans are impractial and doomed." The Boss says, "That one is an intern, so no one takes him seriously." The Boss says, "My management theory is that nature makes everyone useless in their own way." Man says, "I'm not useless." The Boss says, "Said the man who can't find a good engineer."
Monday March 01,
2010
Tags victor, project, cube, instructions, hold piece of paper, shoot, press button, goat head, transform, machine
Transcript
Dilbert says, "Victor didn't leave us much documentation on his project." FZEEET! Dilbert says, "I guess that's what he meant by 'still working on the goat head issue.'"
Friday March 19,
2010
Tags copy machine, paper jam, poltergeist, scary, horror, upside down, legs sticking up, high heels, kick legs, yell, afterworld, arms, flail, hold out arm
Transcript
Tina says, "I can almost reach the paper jam, but a poltergeist is trying to drag me to the afterworld." Tina says, "Maybe I can blind him with the toner cartridge. Ha ha! Take that! And that!" Tina says, "Gaaa!!! I can't feel my arms!" Dilbert says, "I only have one."
Tuesday March 30,
2010
Tags human resources, evil director, employee, morale, high, happy, overpaid, nature, yell, clouds, unhappy, hands clasped, business
Transcript
Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources Catbert says, "I'm getting reports that your morale is too high." Catbert says, "Happiness is nature's way of informing human resources that you're overpaid." Employee says, "Nature wants me to be unhappy?" Catbert says, "Don't blame me. Go yell at the clouds."
Sunday April 18,
2010
Tags high priorities, standing, coffee, vendor comparison, face front, work ethic, lazy, suspicious, annoyed
Transcript
The Boss says, "Wally, did you finish the vendor comparison?" Wally says, "I'm proud to say I did not." Wally says, "You told me to focus on my highest priorities, and that wasn't one of them." The Boss says, "So? when can I expect it?" Wally says, "Logically, that would be never." Wally says, "If that task ever became the most important thing I was doing, you'd eliminate my position." The Boss says, "True. But at least you're getting the high priority stuff done, right?" Wally says, "So far, it's taking all of my energy to avoid doing the low priorities."
Sunday July 25,
2010
Tags project, transfer, honesty, truth, limbo cube, sad, flashy, sexy
Transcript
The Boss says, "I?m glad your project was transferred to my department, Ronald." The Boss says, "Your project is flashy! It's sexy!" The Boss says, "But it's not worth funding because the revenue projections are puny." The Boss says, "Until something changes, you'll be in the limbo cube." The Boss says, "I'll trot you out whenever a customer or an executive visits." The Boss says, "You can show your sexy-flashy powerpoint slides while dreaming of being relevant." The Boss says, "If you work hard, someday you'll be totally forgotten." The Boss says, "Did you know that honesty makes people sad?"