Work 7 Days A Week Comic Strips - Page 15

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #park bench, #noriko, #classes, #lives, #television, #channels

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Dogbert and Noriko sit on a park bench. Noriko says, "I can't wait to grow up and get out of school." Dogbert says, "Actually, Noriko, your generation will have to take classes and work full-time your whole lives . . . Assuming any jobs exist." Dogbert continues, "But on the plus side, television will have a thousand channels." Noriko yells, "That's it; somebody's got some explaining to do!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #noriko, #plaent, #account, #ability, #contract

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Dogbert, Dilbert and Noriko sit on a park bench. Noriko yells at Dilbert, "You adults have totally messed up the planet!! Where's the accountability??!" Noriko continues, "You know our implied social contract! You take care of the kids, then we take care of you when you're old. That's how it's supposed to work." Dilbert says, "Well, I . . ." Noriko yells, "The deal is OFF!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #Dilbert, #management, #seminar, #optimistic, #creative, #individuals, #jargon-spewing, #corporate, #zombies, #donut

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Dogbert points to a picture of a man with a lightbulb over his head. Dogbert says, "Many of you come to my management seminar as optimistic, creative, clear-speaking individuals." Dogbert continues, "But with hard work, you can become jargon-spewing corporate zombies, like Carl here." Dilbert sits in the audience. Carl sits in a chair looking straight ahead and saying, "I want to dialogue with you about utilizing resources." Dogbert says, "Good boy! Here's a donut." Dogbert tosses him a donut.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dogbert, #zombies, #squash, #creativity, #facial, #expression, #comprehension, #marketing, #fear

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Dogbert stands in front of an audience and says, "The successful zombie knows how to squash the creativity of co-workers." Dogbert points to a picture of a man with bags under his eyes and says, "When you hear a new idea, adopt a facial expression which conveys both fear and an utter lack of comprehension." Dogbert continues, "Those of you who work in marketing only need to add the fear part." Someone asks, "Why is that?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business ethics, #the boss, #Dilbert, #Wally, #business meeting

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The Boss, Dilbert and Wally sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "We can succeed if each of you will commit to giving 110 percent." Wally says, "That would be ten percent over the theoretical maximum." Dilbert adds, "Can't be done." Wally says, "Plus you have your vacation days and your sick days . . ." Dilbert continues, "Heck, these staff meetings take ten percent right off the top . . . Wally asks, "And what about all the times something unexpected comes up?" Wally says, "I think we could give you . . . What?" Dilbert says, "Forty-three percent." Wally adds, "And that's not a commitment." Dilbert says, "It's an estimate." The Boss asks, "Can we continue the meeting now?" Dilbert replies, "I'm over my estimate for today."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #alice, #patent, #co workers

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Alice asks, "Dilbert, would you add my name to your patent application?" Dilbert asks, "Why should I?" Alice replies, "I would consider upgrading your status from 'co-worker' to 'friend I never see outside of work.'" Dilbert asks, "Would we eat lunch together?" Alice replies, "No, but I'll pencil you in and cancel at the last minute."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #ratbert, #emotons

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Dilbert sits in a chair and sighs. Ratbert walks into the room and says, "Hey hey! What's this? Are we feeling blue?" Dilbert replies, "Go away, Ratbert." Ratbert thinks, "This could be my chance to bond and become a valuable member of the family." Ratbert grabs Dilbert's shoe and says, "I'm going to hug your foot until you turn that frown upside down." Ratbert continues, "Now tell me why you feel sad." Dilbert replies, "I just walked through something disgusting with my new shoes." Ratbert says, "One of us isn't trying to make this relationship work." Dilbert asks, "Could you do the other shoe now?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #ratbert, #computer, #middle ages, #the plague

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Dilbert sits at his desk and Ratbert sits on the desk. Ratbert says, "Sometimes I think I'm not reaching my full potential as a rat." Dilbert replies, "You're right. In the Middle Ages, disease-carrying rats wiped out half of the human population of Europe." Ratbert says, "I think I've got a little temperature. Feel my forehead." Dilbert says, "Face it, your glory days are past."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #the boss, #Dogbert, #job security

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The Boss says to Dogbert, who is wearing a sorcerer's hat, "I want you to read my boss's mind and tell me what he wants my group to work on." Dogbert asks, "Why don't you just ask him?" The Boss replies, "Ask him?? I can't do that. His calendar is booked for months. And I never understand what he says anyway." Dogbert says, "He thinks you're an idiot, but it's easier to pay you than to fire you." The Boss whistles and says, "Whew! Job security."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #Dilbert, #albert, #bonding, #shoulder, #massage, #team, #player, #buddy, #vulcan, #death, #grip

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Dilbert: I'll give you Albert a male bonding shoulder massage to show I'm a team player. Hey, Al! Keep up the work, Buddy! Oops... That might have been the Vulcan death grip.