2017 Comic Strips - Page 15

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags friendship, closeness, favor, benefit, debate, relationships

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Tina: Can you give me a ride to the airport on Saturday? Dilbert: My attorney will answer that question. Dogbert: The evidence will show that you are not the kind of friend who qualifies for airport rides. I will prove beyond a reasonable doubt that you are what is called a "work friend." A background check with your family and acquaintances will show that you are unlikely to ever reciprocate. In short, there is no social or monetary reason for Dilbert to agree to your unreasonable request. Tina: Maybe he just wants to be nice. Dogbert: The evidence would suggest otherwise.

Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain

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Randy Has A Microchip In His Brain - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags intelligence, technology, nanotechnology, biotechnology, computer chip

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Boss: Randy is our first employee to have a computer chip embedded in his brain. Randy, please explain to these obsolete employees how awesome you are now. Randy: Wait... I'm updating my software. Alice: Should we kill him while he's vulnerable?

Randy Sees Normals As Livestock

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Randy Sees Normals As Livestock - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags microchip, technology, nanotechnology, ego, cattle

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Randy: I am one of the first humans to have a microchip embedded in my brain. I'm so smart that you "normals" are like livestock to me now. Dilbert: We can't be that different. Randy: My chip translates everything you say to "moo."

Exposition

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Exposition - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags thinking, brain, nanotechnology, microchip, ego, storytelling, exposition

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Narrator: Randy is one of the first humans with a microchip embedded in his brain. This new technology will change how we view the human experience. It will also ruin comic strips by filling them with too much exposition. Dogbert: The punc line is in the fourth panel.

Normals Are Dispensible

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Normals Are Dispensible - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags superiority, microchip, nanotechnology, brain, thinking, superhuman

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Boss: I'm putting Randy on your project. He has a microchip embedded in his brain. So ignore whatever your inferior brain tells you to do and just listen to Randy. Dilbert: Doesn't that make me dispensable? Boss: We'll talk about Phase 2 later.

Cyborg Rumors

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Cyborg Rumors - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags cyborg, robot, employees, replacement, deception, business

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Dilbert: There's a rumor that you plan to replace all normal employees with cyborgs that have microchips in their brains. Boss: There is no truth to the rumor that I plan to replace defective employees with highly capable, enhanced humanoids. Dilbert: I can't tell if you're lying. Boss: That's actually the best argument for keeping you around.

Cyborg Makes Wally Unnecessary

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Cyborg Makes Wally Unnecessary - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags automation, cyborg, technology, work ethic

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Randy: I am using the microchip in my brain to plan the entire project. Okay... done. The rest of you can go back to your cubicles and continue doing nothing. Wally: I spent my entire life getting ready for this sort of future and it's going down easy.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags thinking, ideas

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Man: I can't figure out what is wrong with my code. Dilbert: Try rubber ducking it. Man: What? Dilbert: Rubber ducking is when you solve your coding problem by explaining it to a toy rubber duck. When you explain a problem to someone else, it forces you to look at it from new angles. Man: I can't tell if that is a brilliant idea or a practical joke. Dilbert: Ask your boss. Man: Okay, is rubber ducking a brilliant idea or a practical joke. Boss: It's a brilliant idea. I get most of my management ideas by talking to an imaginary rhesus monkey. Dilbert: I think you muddied the waters there a little bit.

Dogbert Gives Wally A Prescription

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Dogbert Gives Wally A Prescription - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags medicine, excuse, doctor, laziness, medical

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Wally: I keep falling asleep during meetings. Dogbert: Your problem is that you're useless. I'll give you a doctor's note that says you can sleep during meetings. Wally: You're the best doctor ever. Dogbert: Tell that to the tip jar in the lobby.

Wally Has A Doctor's Note

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Wally Has A Doctor's Note  - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags sleep, boredom, meeting, laziness, narcolepsy, health, business

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Wally: Here's a doctor's note saying I have a chronic case of meeting narcolepsy. Boss: Sit down. We need to talk about this. Wally: ZZZZZZ.