Average Call Comic Strips - Page 15

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509 Results for Average Call

View 141 - 150 results for average call comic strips. Discover the best "Average Call" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 25, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #meeting, #idea, #ridicule, #contradiction, #misunderstood, #stupidity, #business

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The Boss says, "We need more of what the management experts call 'Employee engagement.'" The boss says, "I don't know the details, but it has something to do with you idiots working harder for the same pay." Dilbert says, "Is anything different on your end?" The boss says, "I think I'm supposed to be happier."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 14, 2009's comic on:


Tags #senator, #bribery, #deal, #legislation, #law, #favor, #manipulation

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the CEO and the senator Dogbert says ,"It wouldn't be legal for me to bribe you." Dogbert says, "So I hired your wife as a consultant despite the fact that she thinks 'Present value' is some sort of gift card." Dogbert says, "And I wrote some legislation for you because you're a lazy thief." Senator says, "Ha ha! Let's call that 'Access'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share October 07, 2009's comic on:


Tags #pay, #salary, #money, #complaining, #sub-par, #angry, #promise, #mean, #cruel

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The Boss says, "Tina, I just learned that your pay is 20% below the industry average for your job." The Boss says, "I will correct this injustice, no matter what it takes!" Tine says, "You would do that for me?" The Boss says, "You have my word that I will lower the industry average!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 10, 2009's comic on:


Tags #sitting, #meeting, #complaining, #bureaucracy, #business

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Wally says, "It takes an average of five people to approve any action in this company, and at any given time, three are on vacation." Wally says, "Should I violate our company culture of consensus building, or just sit around and do nothing for lack of buy-in?" The boss says, "Did you mention flailing around in futility?" Wally says, "I was hoping you forgot that option."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 09, 2009's comic on:


Tags #presentation, #problem, #scenario, #ridiculous, #stupidity

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Dilbert says, "Our new data center is complete." Dilbert says, "The only wrinkle is that the power company won't give us the kilowatts we need." The boss says, "What are our options?" Dilbert says, "Well, we can run the servers without air conditioning." Dilbert says, "Until they melt into a toxic blob." Dilbert says, "Then we can turn the building into a museum that celebrates poor planning." Dilbert says, "Or we could all quit our jobs and eat bugs to survive." The boss says, "Let's go with the toxic blob, but we need to call it something else." Man says, "Convergence!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 19, 2009's comic on:


Tags #drinking, #coffee, #suggestion, #mandatory, #rant, #yellign, #screaming, #ridiculous

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The boss says, "Did you see my suggestions for your presentation?" Dilbert says, "Yes, I rejected them." The boss says, "They aren't optional." Dilbert says, "Then why do you call them suggestions?" The boss says, "Sometimes I call things the wrong names to improve morale." DIlbert says, "You should just say what you're thinking. I can handle the truth." The boss says, "FIne. Make all of the changes I want, you ignorant hump." The boss says, "And do it now while I mock you with sleep noises." The boss says, "Baaaa! Baaaa! Baaaa!" Dilbert says, "Maybe your first way was better." The boss says, "No one will ever love you!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share July 03, 2009's comic on:


Tags #product, #idea, #violence, #hitting, #war, #weapon

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The boss says, "Our product is so unsafe that the military wants to use it as a weapon." The boss says, "Now the only way to satisfy our fiduciary duty to stockholders is to foment war to boost our sales." Elbonian says, "Hey, why'd you punch a hole in my hat?!!" Alice says, "That's a little thing we call marketing."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 24, 2009's comic on:


Tags #auditor, #taxes, #inspection, #confused, #corruption

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Dogbert the CEO Man says, "I'm here to do a tax audit of your company." Dogbert says, "How's that work?" Man says, "I look for reasons to transfer money from small, disreputable entities to a larger one." Man says, "I call my salary vigorish, but it's not as ironic as it once was."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 17, 2009's comic on:


Tags #stealing, #stupidity, #confronting, #ridiculous, #pirate

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Man says, "It's a conflict of interest for you to be our CEO and also a pirate who kidnaps our employees." Dogbert says, "The executive compensation committee approved this arrangement. It's all spelled out in my employment agreement." Man says, "So it is." Dogbert says, "Wait here while I call myself and ransom you back to the office."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2009's comic on:


Tags #meeting, #boss, #raising, #hands, #cruel, #threat, #business

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Ratbert: VP of sales Ratbert says, "I'm accompanying Humphrey on this sales call so he can learn from the master." Ratbert says, "I'll begin by giving you something, thus triggering your need to reciprocate." Ratbert says, "Who wants to hit Humphrey with a shovel?"