Bangs Head Comic Strips - Page 15
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Wally: "My accomplishments this month include complying with our ISO 9000, Sarbanes-Oxley and SEI-5 policies." "And if you make a new policy, I will comply with it so fast it will make your head spin!" "Is it my imagination or is pretending to work getting easier?"
"I am Mordac, the preventer of information technology. I have modified your screensaver security to lock up after two seconds of inactivity." "Ha ha! Unless you touch the keyboard every two seconds you will be forced to log-in again!" "Dang you perpetually moving head-bobbing bird! Gaaa!!!"
"First I'll saw open your head. Then I'll replace your faulty brain with a fresh cauliflower." "How do I know you won't put me to sleep, eat the cauliflower and claim the operation worked?" "That reminds me: your insurance doesn't cover anesthesia."
"We won the Elbonia bid, but I had to promise we'd give them plans to build a nuclear warhead." "Don't worry. I got the plans off the Internet and I modified a few things." "Now all we need is some highly enriched bread."
Five-Star Hotel The Boss: "I'd like a wake-up call at 6 a.m. and a second one at 6:15." "Then I'd like a team of bellmen to lift the head of the bed while blind maids hold my pants so I can slide into them." "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I AM a manager."
RAtbert: You're a successful engineer and I'm a failed CEO. It's kind of funny that I'm worth $100 million and you're not. " It's funny because it's all reverse of how it should be." Dilbert: "It's funny because your head wouldn't normally fit inside a glass."
Dogbert: Here's my bill for the consulting work I've done for you over the past year. The Boss: "What consulting? I haven't seen any reports." Dogbert: "I did it all in my head. I don't like to waste paper." The Boss: "What's your recommendation?" Dogbert: "Status Quo. You're doing everything right."
The Habitual Liar Alice: "I thought you died." Liar: "No. I feel great!" Alice: "I'm sure you're dead. Your head is a skull." Liar : "I cut back on carbs." Alice: "Your head isnt' even attatched to your body." Liar"I take yoga."
Try to get through this meeting without teling our customers how stupid you think they're being. "I'll try." "But sometimes the pressure builds up in my head and it's unbearable." "Tough it out." "Is he okay? "He's fine. Ignore him."
Dilbert: Our new product is either wildly successful or underwater... DIlbert: depending on ho you want to allocate management over head expenses. Dilbert: Apparently you don't want to think about it and get back to me