Ceo Comic Strips - Page 15

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627 Results for Ceo

View 141 - 150 results for ceo comic strips. Discover the best "Ceo" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags idea, brainstorm, bald, baldness, hat, steal, patent, invention

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CEO: I thought of a product idea that could solve the baldness epidemic. Imagine an opaque material in the shape of a dome that puts the top of one's head in stealth mode. Dilbert: We could call it a "hat." CEO: Stop trying to steal my idea!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags illusion, strategy, business, executives, bluff, bluffing

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CEO: Revenue is dropping, but don't panic. We have a new strategy that will fix everything. Dilbert: How do you know it's a good strategy. CEO: I can tell by looking at it. Dilbert: Why don't all failing companies create great new strategies and become profitable? CEO: Hmmm. Good question. Dilbert: Maybe it's because no one can tell a good strategy from a bad one, but acting like you know the difference gets you a bigger paycheck. CEO: I just need buy-in for the strategy. Wally: If you give me a raise, I can pretend to know it's good.

Ceo's Yacht

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Ceo's Yacht - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags hypocrisy, money, salary, wages, net worth, rich people, yacht, obliviousness, saving, cost

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CEO: We must learn to do more with less. Alice: You own a yacht that has an 18-hole golf course, and a landing strip for your jet, and its own zip code. CEO: I got a good deal on that. Alice: That's what the idiot that buys it form you will say, too.

Ceo Compensation

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Ceo Compensation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags money, worth, salary, wages, fairness, fair, pay, expenses, saving, rich people, executives

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Dilbert: I just saw your net worth on the Internet. What's this meeting about anyway? CEO: It's about keeping expenses down. Dilbert: More for you? CEO: That's not the spin I was going to put on it.

Alice Should Network With Men

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Alice Should Network With Men - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags catch-22, sexism, Women, sexist, attraction, success, glass ceiling

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CEO: Alice, the best way to break the glass ceiling is to do more networking with male co-workers. Alice: Can we talk about this over lunch? CEO: Wow. You are so into me.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags character, behavior, role model, mentor, secret, psychology

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CEO: Character is how you act when no one is watching. Wally: Now you tell us? I thought you were my role model! Now I learn that you do all of your good stuff when no one is looking. It all makes sense now, because whenever I watch you do anything, it looks sort of dumb. But I'll take your word for it that you're awesome when no one is looking. Do you want to know what I do when no one is looking? CEO: I really, really do not. Wally: I call it character!

Understanding The Problem

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Understanding The Problem - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, wisdom, criticism, bad advice, executives, success

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CEO Wisdom. Asok: Can you teach me to be a success? CEO: Yes, obviously. Stop everything you're doing now because it clearly isn't working. Asok: That's it? CEO: Understanding the problem is half the solution.

Ceo Gets Paid More For Creating Nothing

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Ceo Gets Paid More For Creating Nothing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags small talk, conversation, criticism, executives, salary, wages, fairness, offense, offend, money

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Dilbert: Do you ever think it's weird that you get paid a hundred times more than me? I invented our core technology. All you did was interview better than a few other people who didn't invent anything. I'm not good at small talk. CEO: I would totally fire you if I could invent things.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags quality, work ethic, shortcut, laziness, defective, awards, engineer, engineering

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CEO: Congratulations to everyone who worked on our new laptop design. As I call your name, come up and get your certificate of accomplishment. Alice was in charge of the hardware and won several design awards. Dilbert was in charge of the award-winning software. And... Wally designed the power brick that weighs more than the laptop...and comes apart for no apparent reason. We probably won't show this in our ads. Wally: Hey, I worked on that for almost an hour!

Uncheck The Do No Harm Box

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Uncheck The Do No Harm Box - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags murder, killing, robot, control, master, slave, moral, amoral

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Boss: Yesterday a robot murdered the CEO of our main competitor. Heh-heh. Dilbert: That could only happen if some idiot unchecked the robot's "Do No Harm" box and doomed humankind to annihilation. Boss: Say what? Robot: Hello, victims.