Chair The Fun Commitee Comic Strips - Page 15
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Wally is standing in front of the boss who is sitting at his desk and saying, "I'll come around the desk so it appears that I consider you equal." Wally watches as the boss wheels by his executive chair. The boss is sitting next to Wally and asks, "So, what's on your little mind?"
Wally, Asok and Dilbert are having lunch. Wally says, "My long term plan is to drift into a job where I have no impact on anything." Asok looks faint, slouched back in his chair. A doctor holds a plunger and says, "He was too uninspired to finish swallowing."
Dilbert's mom and Dilbert sit on the couch in Dilbert's living room. Dilbert's mom says, "...I'm going to infrared from the keyboard to my "linux" box." She has a keyboard on her lap. Dilbert says, "Nice mom" Dilbert's mom makes a fist and says, "I just sent a flaming e-mail to Bill gates, saying "Linux rules!" Dilbert says, "you what?" Bill gates sits in captians chair in a military looking facility. Bill says, "Launch the competitionkeeper missiles."
Dilbert is in the boss' office. The boss says, "Make your report consistent with our strategic plan." Dilbert says, "What's out strategic plan?" The boss says, "It's a secret." Dilbert says, "Are you saying you don't trust me?" The boss says, "I don't think it's a coincidence that most employee sabotage is done by employees." Dilbert says, "How can I do my report if I don't know the strategy?! The boss says, "Okay, okay. I'll let you glance at it." The boss pulls a piece of paper out of his desk. The boss barely lets Dilbert see the paper. The boss says, "Time's up! That's long enough!" Dilbert says, "That's the warranty for your chair." The boss says, "Really? I've been managing to this for years."
Dennis yells at Asok, "Hey, it's a little intern!" Asok cowers, "Please spare me, Mister Nut." Dennis says, "I'm not cruel. I'm honest!" Asok: "No-o-o-o." Dilbert and Wally stand to watch this berating from over their cubilce walls. Dennis adds, "Let me tell you why you'll never be married." Asok: "No-o-o-o!" Dilbert says to Wally, "You have to admit, it's fun to watch."
Dilbert and the skeletal supermodel order at a restaurant. Dilbert says, "I'll have the jumbo spaghetti meal with a loaf of garlic bread." The supermodel says, "I'll absorb moisture from the air and sniff the mints on the way out." Dilbert eats an huge portion of spaghetti and bread. Dilbert says, "Is it fun to be a supermodel?" The model says, "It was until now."
Caption: "Catbert: H.R. Director" Alice sits in a chair across from Catbert's desk. Alice with her arms out says, "I work hard, but all I get are tiny raises." Catbert says, "If we gave you everything you wanted, then you would have nothing to motivate you." ALice says, "I don't want to be motivated." Catbert says, "That's why I enjoy doing it!"
Caption: Dogbert the consultant. Dogbert stands on chair facing the Boss who sits behind his desk. Dogbert says, "You must brainwash your customers to prefer your brand for no reason." Dogbert says, "The long-term goal is to train your customers to mail you money every time they see your advertisements." The Boss says, "Would we send them our product?" Dogbert says, "Hello-o-o, brain stem."
Caption: Catbert: H.R. Director Catbert stands on the top of a chair talking to the boss. Catbert says, "You can improve an employee's performance by making him feel bad about himself." The Boss says, "So, although that wouldn't work on me, it works fine on other people?" Catbert says, "Exactly." The boss stands behind Dilbert and reads from a piece of paper. The Boss says, "I'll read your faults one at a time. Tell me when your performance improves."
Dilbert approaches a worker sitting at his desk. He is holding a piece of paper and says, "Why did the I.S. department deny my request for a P.C. upgrade?" The worker holds up his arms and shouts, "Because we are evil incarnate! BUWAHAHAHA!!" Dilbert says, "I was looking for something more specific." The worker holds out the paper and says, "You didn't provide a dollar estimate of the benefits." Dilbert says, "That's ridiculous. I can't put a value on every tool I need to do my job." The worker sits back in his chair with his arms folded and says, "If you can't quantify it, then it must not be necessary." Dilbert throws up his hands and says, "Then why does the company give me a chair? I can't quantify that either." Dilbert sits on the floor of his cubicle, without a chair. He thinks, "Here's one more reason why it stinks to be me."