Computer Programmers Comic Strips - Page 15
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646 Results for Computer Programmers
View 141 - 150 results for computer programmers comic strips. Discover the best "Computer Programmers" comics from Dilbert.com.
Monday March 03,
2008
Tags borrow pen, company like family, culture, search computer, sign docuemnt, test for dugs, trust and respect, manipulate
Transcript
CatBert: This company is like a family. Our culture is based on trust and respect. Now sign this document that says we can test you for drugs and search your computer and your office. Man: Can I borrow your pen? Catbert: Do I look like Bill and Melinda Gates?"
Friday February 29,
2008
Tags 300 iq, computer, convincing people, desk, evil director, human resources, nobel prize, track record, unix, technology, business
Transcript
Catbert, the evil director of human resources, posts a job opening. Requirements: Candidate must have an I.Q. of 300, two centuries of unix experience and a track record of winning nobel prizes. "90% of my job is convincing people they don't deserve theirs."
Tuesday February 12,
2008
Tags servers, electricity, virtualize, trade journal, software, over shoulder, computer, boss, worker, technology, engineering
Transcript
The Boss: Our servers are using too much electricity. We need to virtualize. I did my part by reading about virtualization in a trade journal. Now you do the software part. Why is your part taking so long?"
Monday February 04,
2008
Tags travel expenses, meal costs, liar or worse, round numbers, finance troll, papers, office, computer, desk, technology
Transcript
Finance troll: Your travel expenses are rejected because all of your meal costs are round numbers. Either you are a liar or worse. Dilbert: I decide what to order based on what totals to a round number after a 15% tip. Finance: That's worse.
Wednesday January 23,
2008
Tags computer, dont breathe, help, rat, software, software consulatant, trying to help, technology, engineering
Transcript
Ratbert the software consultant RatBert: Don't let your lack of knowledge interfere with my brilliance. Don't touch the keyboard, don't offer opinions and don't breathe so loudly that I can hear it. Ratbert: There. I've either configured your software or erased something called a bios.
Friday November 30,
2007
Tags tech support, original problem, crazy or liar, both, computer, technology
Transcript
Dogbert's Tech Support Dogbert: "No one else has ever reported that problem." "That means you are either crazy or a liar." Man: "It's a little of both, but how did you know?" DOgbert: "I can see through your computer."
Friday November 16,
2007
Tags mordac, reventer, information services, complete log in, stare directly at sun, computer message
Transcript
Mordac, the preventer of information services. Mordac: "Security is more important than usability." "In a perfect world, no one would be able to use anything." Asok: To complete the log-in procedure. Stare directly at the sun.
Wednesday October 17,
2007
Tags negotiate, reserchers, two computers, women dont, more complaining
Transcript
Tina: "Why does Dilbert get two computer monitors while I only get one?" The Boss: "Well, according to researchers, it's because men tend to negotiate and women don't." Tina: "So, what happens now?" The Boss: "If I had to guess, I'd say more complaining."
Sunday September 30,
2007
Tags carpet fishing, devised a game, computer, string, randomly picks location, hooked fish marlin, salmon, killing time, technology
Transcript
Alice: "What are you doing?" Dilbert: "Carpet fishing." "It's a sport I invented." "I divided the carpet in my cubicle into a numbered grid." "Then I wrote a computer program that randomly picks a carpet location and a type of fish about once an hour." "If it picks the carpet location where I happen to be dangling this string, it means I hooked a fish." "Yesterday I caught a marlin." "Did you come here for some reason other than to spoil the salmon run?"
Saturday June 09,
2007
Tags software, budget, computer, tiny mittens, thermometer, hell, your turn, nice guy, intern, abused, mean coworkers, technology, engineering
Transcript
Asok: I need this software to do my job. The Boss: "The software budget is spent. Just share a computer with someone who has this software." Alice: "Why don't you take your tiny mittens and a thermometer to hell and wait for a sign that it's your turn."


