Contract Employees Comic Strips - Page 15

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

629 Results for Contract Employees

View 141 - 150 results for contract employees comic strips. Discover the best "Contract Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.

Employees Are Our Most Valuable Asset

Thank you for voting.
Employees Are Our Most Valuable Asset - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 05, 2015's comic on:


Tags #statement, #value, #motivation, #backfire, #praise

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: People are our most valuable asset. Dilbert: I will remind you of that when I ask for a raise. Alice: Me, too. Boss; It blew up in my face.

Ceo Delegates From A Distance With Catbert

Thank you for voting.
Ceo Delegates From A Distance With Catbert - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share June 03, 2015's comic on:


Tags #punishment, #cat, #throwing, #executives, #animals

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: I love having a football-sized evil director of Human Resources. Now I can delegate from a distance. Catbert: I sense disgruntled employees in that direction! Launch! CEO: You'll have to walk after the first ten feet.

Ten Things We Look For In Employees

Thank you for voting.
Ten Things We Look For In Employees - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 26, 2015's comic on:


Tags #hiring, #qualifications, #interview, #job interview, #outsmart

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We look for ten qualities when we hire. Man: Ten? I'm looking for an employer who knows how to set priorities. Boss: He was too good for us.

Only Masochist Would Live Here

Thank you for voting.
Only Masochist Would Live Here - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 25, 2015's comic on:


Tags #hiring, #jobs, #talent, #masochist, #masochism, #expectations, #work ethic, #work environment

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: Here's my list of the ten qualities I want in all new employees. Catbert: A person with all of these qualities would also need to be a masochist to work here. CEO: Write that in.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 17, 2015's comic on:


Tags #flirting, #romance, #privacy, #stalking, #creepy, #creeper, #gestures, #gifts, #coworkers

View Transcript

Transcript

The New Employee. Dilbert: Hi, I'm Dilbert. I bought you a book. Woman: Okay, weird. Who buys gifts for new co-workers? And how did you know this is my favorite author? Dilbert: I asked one of the network guys to check your browser history. Catbert assured me that employees have no right to privacy. I heard that women like it when men put thought into a gift. I hope you appreciate my romantic gesture. Wally: Did she make a romantic gesture back? Dilbert: I choose to interpret it that way.

Embellishing Resume At Work

Thank you for voting.
Embellishing Resume At Work - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 13, 2015's comic on:


Tags #leadership, #self-promotion, #embellishment, #managers

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: One of my employees keeps embellishing his accomplishments. CEO: If he works in engineering, fire him. If he works in marketing, promote him. Boss: He doesn't work at all. CEO: Sounds like you have a leader on your hands.

Embellishing Resumes

Thank you for voting.
Embellishing Resumes - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 11, 2015's comic on:


Tags #resume, #lying, #deception, #accomplishments, #management, #success

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert: I discovered that one of your employees embellished on his resume. Boss: That's outrageous! Fire him for lying to me! Catbert: I'm talking about the version he updated today. It says he accomplished things while working for you. Boss: That doesn't sound right.

13 Percent Employees Engaged

Thank you for voting.
13 Percent Employees Engaged - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 23, 2015's comic on:


Tags #employee, #employees, #engagement, #motivation, #global survey, #engaged at work, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: A global survey says only 13% of employees feel engaged at work. Dilbert: If you're wondering which one of your employees is engaged, it's this guy. Boss: We need ten more just like him. Dilbert: I think I just figured out what's wrong with the rest of us.

Fierce Employees Wanted

Thank you for voting.
Fierce Employees Wanted - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 17, 2015's comic on:


Tags #anger, #confusion, #ferocity, #fierce, #hiring, #interview, #job application, #job interview

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We're looking for employees who are fierce! Applicant: Should I punch you or something? I don't know how to play this. Boss: Try acting normal, but angrier.

Super Pumpedness

Thank you for voting.
Super Pumpedness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 16, 2015's comic on:


Tags #ceos, #jargon, #nausea, #super pumpedness, #bag, #vomit

View Transcript

Transcript

CEO: The quality we look for in our employees is "super pumpedness." Alice: Blechhhh!!! I told you to bring a bag.