Customer Data Comic Strips - Page 15
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401 Results for Customer Data
View 141 - 150 results for customer data comic strips. Discover the best "Customer Data" comics from Dilbert.com.
Wednesday August 24,
2011
Tags anxiety, conversation, discussion, valuable input, hear alarm
Transcript
Boss: When are you meeting with the customer? I'll join you to add my valuable input. Noise: Slurp. Dilbert: Does everyone hear that alarm or is it only in my head? Boss: I can stay all afternoon.
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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday August 17,
2011
Tags mathematics, questioning, second option, feels right, ignore data, intuition, slippery slope, witch craft
Transcript
Boss: The second option feels right. Let's go with that. Dilbert: Should we always ignore what the data says, or is this more of a one-time thing? Boss: It's call intuition. Dilbert: It's a slippery slope to witchcraft.
Monday August 01,
2011
Tags actions & defenses, computers & peripherals, internet & world wide web, international data security standards group, security prcedures, bed sores
Transcript
Boss: Dogbert is chairing the international data security standards group. Dogbert: The goal of our organizations is to make your security procedures so inconvenient that you give up hope and die from bed sores. We take pride in being independent from the companies that fund us.
Sunday July 24,
2011
Tags gadgets, scientific equipment, data center, lights out, eliminate problems, moving cables, power cords, ruining everything, speakerphone, humans are germs, science
Transcript
Voice: The data center is evolving into a "lights out" operation. Employees will no longer be allowed in the data center. We hope to eliminate all of the problems that humans cause by moving cables, unplugging power cords, and ruining everything with their dirt and static. Dilbert: He makes it sound as if the data center is alive and we humans are nothing but germs. Alice: By the way, who called this meeting and who's on the speakerphone? Dilbert: Are you... the data center? Noise: CLICK. Dilbert: I have a bad feeling about this.
Saturday July 16,
2011
Tags customer survey data, marketing, design, engineering secret, business
Transcript
The customer survey data is for marketing eyes only. design the next release and we'll tell you if its what everyone wanted. How long will it take? Dilbert: Thats an engineering secret.
Sunday May 22,
2011
Tags ignorance (knowledge), lawyer, feels wrong, research, harvard law degree, feelingl, greasy food and ignorance, data, harvard degree over cheeseburger, bad mood, science, legal
Transcript
Boss: This doesn't feel right. Dilbert: It came straight from our lawyer. Boss: It just feels wrong. Can you research it a little more? Dilbert: Sure. I can do that research in my head. Let's see... our lawyer got his degree at Harvard and has twenty years in this exact field. Whereas you have a "feeling" that is probably the result of an unholy combination of greasy food and ignorance. The data clearly favors the Harvard Law degree over the cheeseburger. ... Good luck. He's in a bad mood.
Sunday May 15,
2011
Tags dating, restaurants, filling survey, surveys, guilty, date, dinner, restaurant, Food, favorite restaurant, romance, waiter, pick up waiter, ruined, relationships
Transcript
Waiter: Would you mind filling out this customer survey so we know how we're doing? Dilbert: I don't have time to fill out surveys about everything I do. But you're making me feel guilty about not doing it. Oh no! You turned a good customer experience into something ugly. It's getting all awkward and I'm looking like a big jerk in front my date. Now I can never again eat here because I'm afraid of what you'll do to my food. You've ruined my favorite restaurant, as well as my chance of romance with this woman. Waiter: ... favorite restaurant... Woman: What are you doing later?
Friday April 08,
2011
Tags cartoonists, ventriloquism, writing, hand puppet, data overload, ridiculous, poorly written story, case closed
Transcript
Police says, "We have a report of a pointy-haired boss being stunned by data overload, stuffed, and used as a hand puppet." Alice says, "That's ridiculous. It sounds like the plot of a poorly written story arc." Police says, "It sounds poorly drawn too." Alice says, "Case closed, right?"
Sunday March 20,
2011
Tags laziness, meetings, buddha jogging, reliability stats, data does not exist, random numbers, deep understanding of reality
Transcript
The Boss says, "Asok, get me the reliability stats for our previous model." Asok says, "I am fairly certain the data does not exist." The Boss says, "Wally can show you how to get it." Wally says, "Come with me." Wally says, "You start by typing random numbers into a spreadsheet." Asok says,"Then what?" Wally says, "Then you're done." Wally says, "All business data is intentionally misleading. I just take it to the next level." Wally says, "A deep understanding of reality is exactly the same thing as laziness." Asok says, "That can't be right." Wally says, "Have you ever seen a statue of Buddha jogging?"
Sunday February 27,
2011
Tags managers & supervisors, new server, corrupt operating system, bad server, recover data, reinstall, redeploy it, blindingly obvious, alternative is chaos, chaos as good, business
Transcript
The Boss says, "Build a new server to replace the one with the corrupt operating system." Dilbert says, "That's what I'm doing right now." The Boss says, "Recover the data from the bad server and put it on the new one." Dilbert says, "That's the whole point." The Boss says, "Then see if you can reinstall the operating system on the old one and redeploy it." Dilbert says, "Do you have any instructions that are not blindingly obvious?" The Boss says, "This is called managing. The alternative is chaos." Dilbert says, "How did you just make chaos sound like a good thing?" The Boss says, "You should test the new server." Dilbert says, "Seriously, can we try the chaos thing?"


