Employees Comic Strips - Page 15

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581 Results for Employees

View 141 - 150 results for employees comic strips. Discover the best "Employees" comics from Dilbert.com.

Talking About The Last Job

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Talking About The Last Job - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags personality, comparing, employees, dumb, business, psychology

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Man: I will now compare my last job to this one because it is all I ever talk about. Everyone was so much smarter at my old job. Fuh-fuh-fuh-fuh. Dilbert: I assume that's why they fired you. Man: Lucky guess.

Fire The Bottom Ten Percent

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Fire The Bottom Ten Percent - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags rank, hierarchy, value, fired, termination, layoff, logic, executives

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CEO: I want you to fire the employees you ranked in the bottom ten percent. Boss: Wouldn't that just put someone else in the bottom ten percent? CEO: Everything made sense until you started talking. Boss: Sorry.

Tina Isn't An Engineer

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Tina Isn't An Engineer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags engineer, evaluation, value, catch-22, fired, termination, engineering

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Boss: The company makes me rank all of my employees. I put you last because you're not an engineer. I have to fire whoever is ranked lowest, and I can't afford to lose any engineers. Tina; What if I work harder, and do a great job? Boss: Then I'd fire you for not being a team player.

Dogbert's Recommendations

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Dogbert's Recommendations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags Advice, consultant, listening, employees, business

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Dogbert Consults. Dogbert: I recommend doing all of the things your employees have been telling you to do. Boss: I don't see why I should pay you for this. Dogbert: Oh. Then how about doing all the things your competition is doing? Boss: Now, that's a great idea. Dogbert: Good, because that's what your employees have been telling you to do.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags logic, false logic, imagination, managers, review, performance

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Boss: I can't give you a raise because your performance was only average. Dilbert: How can you calculate an average for my performance? No one has ever been in my exact situation. Boss: I compared you to other employees. Dilbert: You compared me to strangers doing entirely different things? Boss: No, I compared you to imaginary people doing your exact job. It's called managing, and I'm very good at it. Dilbert: How do you know you're good at it? Boss: Because imaginary people do this job worse than I do.

Dogbert's Class Learns Nothing

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Dogbert's Class Learns Nothing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags distraction, strategy, guest artist, josh shipley

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Boss: The employees who took your class on negotiating are complaining that they learned nothing. Dogbert: I heart those same employees scheming to vandalize your network. Boss: Now that's all I can think about! How did you do that? Dogbert: Gotta go.

Fifty Slide Presentation

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Fifty Slide Presentation - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags managers, tasks, presentation, expectation, unrealistic, obliviousness

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Boss: Our CEO wants me to make a fifty-slide presentation for him that will motivate employees. Dilbert: Ha ha! Now you know how we feel when you ask us to do ridiculous things. Boss: Anyway, I don't have time, so I need you to do it for me.

Try Not Being Boring

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Try Not Being Boring - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags motivation, inspiration, frustration, bored, boring, powerpoint, meeting, obliviousness, eric scott, business

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CEO: I don't think my motivational messages are getting through to the employees. I can't make them pay attention to anything. Catbert: Have you tried not being boring? CEO: Good idea. I'll make fifty slides of pure excitement.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags change, fear, power, executives, decision, threat, hypocrisy

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CEO: You must learn to embrace change. Dilbert: Can we change anything we want to change? CEO: No. You don't get to say what the changes are. I do that. Alice: Will that situation ever change? CEO: No. Alice: Why not? You said change is good. CEO: Change is good. For other people. So embrace it or I'll fire you. Employees: We love change!!!

Employees Keep Agreeing

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Employees Keep Agreeing - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags furniture, office, arrangement, laziness, loophole, efficiency, management, work ethic, excuse

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Boss: I told the employees about our plan to boost productivity by changing the floor layout. Now they claim they can't get their work done because the current floor plan is inefficient. Hoe do I get them to stop agreeing with me? CEO: What do you usually do?