Important Decsions Comic Strips - Page 15
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View 141 - 150 results for important decsions comic strips. Discover the best "Important Decsions" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share January 18, 1996's comic on:
The caption says, "Dogbert meets with software developers." Dogbert sits at a table with a laptop that is hooked up to an overhead projector. Dogbert says, "Note the huge market for software that runs on the 'Dogbert 2000' operating system." Dogbert reaches into a bag and says, "But who cares? The important thing is that I brought a bag of toys." As the software developers play with the toys, Dogbert thinks, "Some say the computer industry is built on silicon. I think foam and plastic are equally important."
Share November 26, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert stands at the security desk. The guard hands a vendor a visitor's badge and says, "Badge." The man thinks, "The clever salesman evaluates his prey." Dilbert pushes the elevator button. The man thinks, "I hope he's an important decision-maker." Dilbert tells the salesperson, "Take any seat. I call the good chair." The man thinks, "Warning! Cubicle! Low-ranking employee!" Dilbert draws a diagram and says, "Here's our organization chart: president . . . senior vice president . . . vice president . . ." Dilbert continues, "Okay, lift your foot. Do you see that coffee stain on the carpet?" The vendor asks, "That's you?" Dilbert replies, "No, that's my boss. I would be under the carpet." The salesman asks, "Do I have any hope of talking to somebody who can make a decision?" Dilbert replies, "Let me check." Dilbert peers over the wall into Wally's cubicle and says, "Hey, Wally, what's a 'decision'?" Wally replies, "It sounds like something our competitors do." The salesman covers his eyes and sobs.
Share October 23, 1995's comic on:
Dogbert sits at a desk. A voice from heaven says, "We've decided to revoke your angel status. You're giving us all a bad name." Dogbert says, "Your problem is that you define 'healing' too narrowly. I'm making ugly people look attractive, and that's important, too." Wally approaches Dogbert's desk. Wally's head has been replaced with Dogbert's head. He asks Dogbert, "Is it too late to go back to my old look?" Dogbert replies, "Why? You're beautiful!"
Share July 30, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk. Wally stands behind him and says, "Our new VP says he has an 'open door policy.' Let's check it out." Wally and Dilbert peer into the VP's office. Dilbert says, "Knock knock." Dilbert says, "Hi ho. Nothing important. We just wanted to drop in." The VP sits at his desk reading a document. Wally says, "This open door policy is great. Our last VP was aloof." Dilbert asks, "Are those sourballs?" Wally says, "Look at the furniture in here!" Dilbert stuffs candy into his mouth and says, "I call couch!" The VP asks, "Is there something I can do for you?" Dilbert lies on a couch and says, "Well . . . Sometimes our cubicles are too hot." Wally sits in a chair and adds, "Could you have somebody look into it?" Dilbert and Wally leave the office looking frightened. Dilbert says, "Boy, those sourballs sure lull you into a false sense of security." Wally says, "The man is like a huge insincere spider."
Share May 27, 1995's comic on:
In a dream, Dilbert flies through the sky. He thinks, "In my dream I float over fields of heather." Below him a girl waves and says, "Hi! I'm Heather." Dilbert thinks, "The flying dream always predicts an important change. I feel that my freedom will soon increase." Dilbert wakes up in a meeting as the Boss asks, "Does somebody else have a question for our new CEO?" Dilbert's arms are out-streched and his finger is stuck in the CEO's ear. Dilbert thinks, "My finger is stuck."
Share March 12, 1995's comic on:
Tina asks Dilbert, "Did you review my draft documentation yet?" Dilbert sits at his desk and replies, "Uh . . . I'll get to it soon." Tina says, "That's what you've been saying since July!!" Tina continues, "I know I'm only a lowly technical writer and you're a big important engineer . . ." Tina screams, "But is it too much to ask for you to glance at the fruits of my labor?!!!" Tina grabs Dilbert's tie and yells, "Five lousy mintues is all it would take to validate my value on this planet! Read it, you fetid pile of compost!!" Dilbert opens a binder and says, "Okay, okay! I'll read it right now!" Dilbert says, "These pages are blank! You've been bluffing for months!" Tina looks nervous. Tina says, "I think I'll go have a yummy compost salad with delicious fetid cheese." Dilbert says, "I'm going to look up those words."
Share March 10, 1995's comic on:
The Boss sits at his desk and Dilbert sits across from him. The Boss tells Dilbert, "Your performance this year was good, but you worked on tasks that aren't important. Therefore you get a tiny raise." Dilbert looks angry as he replies, "I worked on the tasks YOU assigned. What's that say about YOUR performance?" The Boss replies, "It's excellent. I get a bonus for keeping salaries low." Dilbert asks, "Have you seen any literature on workplace violence?"
Share February 27, 1995's comic on:
The Boss, Dilbert and another worker sit at a conference table. The worker says, "I'm happy to report that the 'Excellence in Teaming' read-out is nearly ready." The worker continues, "It's taken forty people from a dozen departments to complete the study. We finally got complete buy-in." Dilbert asks, "Is that the study of why we can't make decisions?" The worker responds, "Originally. But it evolved into more of a discussion of squirrel migration patterns."
Share February 19, 1995's comic on:
Tags #boss types, #handy refrence, #hostage taker, #cucbicle, #talks ear off, #vigorous head noodling, #subnet, #ip addresses, #motivational lair, #mushroom, #qualitize, #paradigm, #inundate, #bonus, #80 hour weeks, #moses, #perfect boss, #died thursday afternooon
The panel is titled, "Boss Types." Dogbert holds a pointer and says, "Find your boss on this handy reference." The caption says, "Hostage taker: Traps you in your cubicle and talks your ears off." A man stands in the doorway saying, "Blah blah." A man at a desk says, "Ow!!" as his ears fall off. The caption says, "Fraud: Uses vigorous head nodding to simulate comprehension." Dilbert says, "Then we'll subnet our IP addresses." The man next to him nods his head and says, "Oh yeah. Oh yeah." The caption says, "Motivational Liar: Has no clue what you do but says you're the best." A man says, "Nobody can do what you do!!" The woman thinks, "Except a mushroom." The caption says, "Over Promoted: Tries to mask incompetence with poor communication." Three people sit at a conference table. A man says, "Let's qualitize our paradigm so we don't over inundate with datums." The caption says, "Weasel: Takes credit for your hard work." A man holding a bag of money tells a woman, "This bonus is for brilliantly forcing your staff to work 80 hour weeks." The woman replies, "It wasn't easy!" The caption says, "Moses: Perpetually waits for clear signals from above." The Boss, Wally and Dilbert sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Don't do anything important yet." Wally replies, "Never have." The caption says, "Perfect Boss: Dies of natural causes on a Thursday afternoon." Alice looks at a dead body and asks, "Should we do something?" Wally yells, "Three day weekend!"
Share February 12, 1995's comic on:
Dilbert sits at his desk. The Boss says, "I'm putting you on the strategic planning team." The Boss continues, "It's like work but without the satisfaction of accomplishing anything." Dilbert and three co-workers sit at a conference table. A man says, "You're new, so let me explain how this works." The man continues, "We have meetings and talk about the company's strategy in vague emotional terms." The man continues, "In time, we convince ourselves that we're more than mediocre thinkers who sit around complaining." The man continues, "We start believing our opinions will steer the company. We feel important. We feel ALIVE!!" A woman tells Dilbert, "Then we snap out of it and make viewgraphs that say we should keep doing what we're doing." Dilbert says, "I like making viewgraphs." The woman replies, "Actually, we use last year's viewgraph."