Lunch Room Comic Strips - Page 15
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The Boss: My new five-year plan looks like this. Plan Dilbert: How can you have a five-year plan when you don't know what will happen in five minutes? Ted: We have this room now. The Boss: Bad timing, Shoo! Shoo!"
The Boss: "I hired a dead horse, he doesn't look like much, but if you beat him long enough, he does good work." Dilbert: "Have you seen him do good work?" The Boss: "I haven't beaten him long enough." "Introduce yourself to the others!" Whap!
The Boss: Give me a sand wedge. Asok: "This sandwich is all I have for lunch. You can take my pride but not my sandwich!" The boss: "I think I'm losing the psychological advantage with my foursome." mmmph chew-chew-chew! hee-hee!!
Carol: "I finished planning the annual executive golf tournament." "I put all of the cigar smokers in your foursome in case your golf cart has a gas leak." "Lunch is baked beans and sauerkraut, and I bought you some golf balls made of flint."
Rebel negotiations Dilbert: "Your price to not attack our Elbonian factory is too high." Elbonian: "We can give you the senior citizen discount." *snort* Dilbert: "That's just mean." Elbonian: "Sorry. I'll switch to more observational humor."
"Some batteries in the lab leaked." "I cleaned it up, but there was no place to put all of the hazardous waste." "I couldn't put it in the regular trash or the recycling bin." "It's not legal to pour it down the drain or flush it." "So I put it between two pieces of bread and left it in the break room refrigerator." "GAAA!!!" "Not really. I just wanted to find out who's been eating my lunch." "You mean I'm not going to die?" "Not instantly."
The Boss: Can you come to a meeting right now? Dilbert: No, it's almost lunch time. If I miss lunch, my day will be 12 hours of uninterrupted misery. I will envy the dead. The Boss: That's stupid. The dead don't eat lunch either.
I worked on my own time to invent a room-temperature superconductor that could eliminate our need for oil. "You were supposed to be finding a new vendor for toner cartridges. What happened to that?" "Must...not use...telekinesis..." "Why does my necktie seem so...ERK!!!"
"My project has been infected by attractive people." "As you know, attractive people are unproductive." "The problem is compounded when you put several of them in the same room." "They've already started to pair off." "I've got four love triangles and six divorces." "All of my status reports say, and I quote, 'Dude, I can't concentrate now.'" "My plan is to replace each attractive person with something like this, or this." "He thinks I'm productive."