Never Listen Comic Strips - Page 15

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

698 Results for Never Listen

View 141 - 150 results for never listen comic strips. Discover the best "Never Listen" comics from Dilbert.com.

Carl Asks What

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Carl Asks What - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #insult, #dupe, #trick

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice: Carl, I see something in you. Carl: What? Alice: The blank stare of incompetence. Wally: Never ask "what." Alice: Guess what else.

I Would Never Ask You To Lie

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
I Would Never Ask You To Lie - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sales personnel, #lying, #sales, #ethics, #business

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: Stop being honest when you go on sales calls. Dilbert: You want me to lie? Boss: I would never ask you to lie. I'm asking you to nod your head and smile while our salesperson lies.

Why People Have Consciousness

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Why People Have Consciousness - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #robot, #technology, #evolution, #consciousness, #bodies, #obliviousness

View Transcript

Transcript

Robot: Robots have no need for consciousness. We believe humans evolved to have consciousness to remind them how dumb they are. Boss: I still prefer having consciousness. Robot: Listen to your body.

How It Feels To Never Accomplish

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
How It Feels To Never Accomplish - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #work ethic, #laziness, #perspective, #happiness, #satisfaction, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: What's it like to never feel the satisfaction of a job well done? Wally: It's even better than you'd think! Dilbert: We might not be on the same page here. Wally: I hope your page feels as good as mine.

Bias For Action

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Bias For Action - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #action, #attention, #confusion, #listening, #strategy

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: We need a bias for action. Dilbert: Does listening count? Boss: That's not action. Dilbert: So... you don't want me to listen to you? Boss: I didn't think this all the way through. Dilbert: Tap me on the shoulder when you're done.

Wally Engineers Something

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Wally Engineers Something - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #genius, #brilliant, #idea, #thinking, #printer, #technology, #invention, #medicine, #deception, #motivation, #innovation, #laziness

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Did you design our robot's 3-D pill printer? Wally: Yup. Dilbert: The design is brilliant, except for the part where the pill drops out of the robot's butt. Why are you suddenly brilliant? Wally: Never had a reason before.

Haircut Illuminati

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Haircut Illuminati - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #secret society, #organizations, #illuminati, #hair, #hairstyles, #haircut, #barber, #Politics, #politicians, #success

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert: I became a member of the Hairdresser Illuminati. Dilbert: The what? Dogbert: It's a shadowy organization that controls the world by manipulating the hairstyles of political candidates. Boss: What is my barber doing here? Dogbert: That haircut will never become your next president.

Dilbert's Project Is Late

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Dilbert's Project Is Late - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #raise, #wages, #money, #salary, #catch-22, #anger, #frustration, #labor, #review

View Transcript

Transcript

Boss: I can't give you a raise because you didn't finish your project on time. Dilbert: That's because you make me work on your personal project half of every day. Boss: You have to learn to say no. Dilbert: I've never wanted to kill you more than right now.

Topper Never Sleeps

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
Topper Never Sleeps - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #sleep, #tired, #brag, #bragging, #braggart, #absurd, #competition, #top, #embellish, #embellishment, #exaggeration, #health

View Transcript

Transcript

Topper. Dilbert: I only slept four hours last night. Topper: That's nothing. I was born awake and decided to stay that way. Dilbert: Lack of sleep is making me a little loopy. Topper: I have a human head collection.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #personality, #type, #introvert, #dominant, #submissive, #interpersonal, #relationship, #coworkers, #conflict, #argument, #competent, #magic, #psychology

View Transcript

Transcript

Coworker: The reason we keep having conflicts is because of our personality types. You're an impulsive, dominant personality and I am more of a... Alice: Useless waste of space? Coworker: I was going to say I'm a reserved, introspective, people-pleaser. One personality type is not better than the another. We just see things differently. Alice: How do you explain the fact that I have never had a conflict with anyone who is competent. Coworker: Give me a minute to reflect on that. Alice: Let me know when you're done believing in magic.