New Employee Comic Strips - Page 15
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1000 Results for New Employee
View 141 - 150 results for new employee comic strips. Discover the best "New Employee" comics from Dilbert.com.
Friday August 17,
2018
Answering Questions In Email
Tags Dilbert, male employee, email, questions
Transcript
Male Employee: Why did you only answer one of my seven questions in my email? Dilbert: I'm penalizing you for asking too many questions in a long rambling email. Male employee: Jerk. Dilbert: That'll cost you three questions.
Top Dilbert Searches
marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac
Wednesday August 15,
2018
How Dilbert Can Help
Tags Dilbert, project, criticism, option, boss, worthless
Transcript
Dilbert: How can I help you on your project? Woman Employee: I'll send you my files and you can do all of my work while I criticize you behind your back. Dilbert: Is there another option? Woman Employee: Yes, it' involves telling your boss you're worthless.
Tuesday August 14,
2018
Dilbert Offers To Help
Tags Dilbert, help, project, sucker, woman employee
Transcript
Dilbert: Our pointy-haired boss asked me to help you on your project. Woman Employee: Yes!! My dream of getting paid while other people do my work is becoming a reality! Dilbert: I might have played this wrong. Woman employee: Sucker!
Thursday August 09,
2018
History Doesn't Repeat
Tags Dilbert, ted, plan, solution, thinking, history, new
Transcript
Ted: Your plan is dumb because it reminds me of something different that didn't work out. Dilbert: Being reminded of unrelated things is not a form of thinking. Ted: History repeats. Dilbert: Then how does something new ever happen?
Monday July 30,
2018
Grant Application
Tags job, job description, responsibility, business
Transcript
Boss: I need you to write a government grant application for my wife's new business. Dilbert: That's not my job, and I don't know how to do it. Boss: Maybe you could learn it in your free time. Dilbert: I can see why your wife wants her own income.
Friday July 27,
2018
New Military Project
Thursday July 12,
2018
Dilbert Is Misinterpreted
Tags assume, assumption, proof, obstinacy
Transcript
Alice: Is it true you are telling everyone the new product road map is stupid? Dilbert: Um... nothing remotely like that has ever happened. Here's an email in which I say how good it is. Alice: You hesitated in your answer. That means you're lying. Dilbert: Read the email!!!
Wednesday July 11,
2018
Your Word Against Everyone
Tags accusation, assume, assumption, Opinion
Transcript
Boss: Everyone says you hate the new product test plan. Dilbert: No, I like it. Boss: Pffft. I don't think all of those people can be wrong about what you think. Dilbert: I'm kind of an expert on what I think. Boss: I guess it's just your word against everyone.
Thursday July 05,
2018
Contractor Wants To Be Employee
Tags negotiation, contract work, contractor, pay.wages
Transcript
Man: I've been a contractor here for over a year. Maybe you should just hire me. Boss: Who are you? I didn't even know I was paying you. Man: Perhaps we can pretend this conversation never happened. Boss: That feels like the best option.


