Research Projects Comic Strips - Page 15

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211 Results for Research Projects

View 141 - 150 results for research projects comic strips. Discover the best "Research Projects" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 14, 2002's comic on:


Tags #little people allowed, #strategy decisions, #project opal, #executive intuition, #budget cut, #opal project, #named after daughter, #increase budget, #secret meetings, #decision makers

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The Boss addresses a meeting, "All the important decision-makers in the company in this room." The Boss continues, "No little people are allowed because we'll be making important strategy decisions." The Boss continues, "First, let's make decisions about project Opal." The Boss continues, "Does anyone know what the project is or what we need to decide?" A man raises his hand and says, "My executive intuition tells me we should cut the budget by 10%." Another man turns to him and says, "I think Opal is one of your projects. It's named after your daughter." The first speaker grabs his own head and says, "Wait.. a new intuition is coming in now... it says to increase the budget." Dilbert asks the Boss, "Why are those meetings secret?" The Boss replies, "You don't want to know."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 11, 2002's comic on:


Tags #perfect world, #eight months, #incompetence multiplier, #lying weasel factor

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Dilbert points to a screen that says, 'Schedule 8 Months." Dilbert says, "In a perfect world, the project would take eight months." Dilbert points to another screen and says, "But based on past projects in this company, I applied a 1.5 incompetence multiplier." Dilbert continues, "And then I applied an L.W.F. of 6.3." The Boss asks, "L.W.F?" Alice answers, "Lying Weasel Factor."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 08, 2002's comic on:


Tags #downsized, #info, #last day, #projects, #right away, #soon enough, #90 days

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The Boss hands Dilbert a stack of papers and says, "Here are some projects to finish before your last day." Dilbert responds, "But.. I'll have to interact with people who know I've been downsized." The Boss replies, "Hee Hee!" A coworker mocks Dilbert, "I'll get this information to you right away. Is ninety days soon enough?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 04, 2001's comic on:


Tags #cubicle time, #isn't productive, #set priorities, #projects flounder, #big raise, #either way, #cubicle

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The Boss says to Alice, "Alice, may I have a word with you?" The Boss continues, "You're not spending enough time in your cubicle." The Boss continues, "It looks as if our department isn't productive." Alice responds, "But.. I can't do my job from my cubicle." The Boss replies, "You have to set priorities. Looking productive is very important to this department." Alice clenches her fists in anger. Alice exclaims, "Will I get a big raise for looking busy while my projects flounder?!" The Boss replies, "You won't get a big raise either way." The Boss continues, "Here's a blank piece of paper to carry back to your cubicle." Alice clenches her fists again and cries, "GAAA!!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share January 28, 2001's comic on:


Tags #projects fail, #have in common, #points to boss, #honest, #sneezes, #figuring the problem

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Alice, The Boss, Wally, Dilbert and Asok the Intern are all sitting around a table. The Boss says, "We've got to figure out why all our projects fail." The Boss looks at Alice and asks, "What do all our projects have in common?" Behind The Boss' back, Wally points with both hands at The Boss. The Boss says to Wally, "It might not be obvious." Behind The Boss' back, Alice points with both hands at The Boss. Looking at Alice, The Boss says, "But if we're honest with ourselves..." Behind The Boss' back, Wally holds up a piece of paper with a large arrow on it pointing at The Boss. The Boss says, "We can find the source of the problem." Alice says, "Ah-ah-ah-" as she begins to sneeze. Wally scratches his head with a piece of paper to the sounds of "scratch scratch." Alice sneezes, "Ach-itz-you!!" The Boss says, "Gesundheit." The Boss asks, "So, does anyone know what the problem is?" Alice looks on as Wally says to The Boss, "I've noticed that Dilbert doesn't work as hard as I think he should."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share September 22, 2000's comic on:


Tags #doomed projects, #fake mergencies, #more efficient, #unnecessary meetings, #to do list

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Sitting at his computer, Dilbert thinks to himself "This to-do list will make me more efficient." Dilbert continues thinking to himself, "I have three fake emergencies, two doomed projects, four unnecessary meetings..." At home, Dilbert says to Dogbert "I figured out why you never ask me how my day day went." Dogbert replies, shooing Dilbert away with one hand, "Off you go."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 24, 2000's comic on:


Tags #part time work, #finish urgent projects, #pay cut, #come in on day off

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Noriko asks the Boss, "Would it be okay if I worked part-time?" The Boss answers, "That depends." The Boss continues, "Would you be willing to come in on your days off to finish urgent projects?" Noriko replies, "Yes." Dilbert asks Noriko during lunch, "So, basically you negotiated a fifty percent pay cut?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 30, 2000's comic on:


Tags #dogcart consults, #software has bugs, #repackaging, #rust inhibitor, #error messages, #people aren't stupid, #they are, #spit when type

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Dogbert says to Dilbert and the Boss, "Your software product is riddled with bugs." Dogbert continues, "I recommend repackaging it as a rust inhibitor for computers." Dogbert says, "The ads will say 'you know it's working because of all the error messages'." Dilbert replies, "People aren't stupid." Dogbert answers, "According to my research they are." Dogbert shows a diagrahm of a human brain with each section labeled. The Boss replies, "I think the rust turned my exclamation upside down." Dilbert says, "That's the letter 'I'."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 23, 2000's comic on:


Tags #complain about work load, #ounce of prevention, #pound of assignments, #working day and night, #projects, #assignments, #deliverables, #must do items, #action items, #frie drills, #dog and pony shows, #glare problem

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Wally is leaned back in his chair sleeping. Wally awakens, looks at his wrist watch and thinks to himself, "It's time to complain about my workload." As Wally walks away from his desks, he thinks "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of asignments." Wally goes into the Boss' office to complain about his workload. He says to the Boss, "I'm working day and night!" Wally goes on to explain. "I've got projects, assignments, deliverables, tasks..." The Boss sits at his desk listening to Wally. Wally continues, "...must -do items, fire drills, and dog and pony shows." The Boss, having ignored everything Wally just said, hands Wally a piece of paper and says "Wally, I have an assignment for you." Wally is surprised. Back at his desk, Wally is again leaned back in his chair, faced covered with the piece of paper the Boss handed him earlier, as he thinks to himself, "I solved my glare problem."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 08, 2000's comic on:


Tags #cancel others, #crazy ideas, #one you of ten, #research projects, #research and development

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Wally says to the Boss: "One out of ten research and development projects will succeed." He continues: "I recommend cancelling the other nine." Sitting at lunch with his co-workers, Wally says: "I wonder where he gets all these crazy ideas."