Social Situtaion Comic Strips - Page 15
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Tina stands behind Asok's desk and says, "You're invited to a four-hour meeting, Asok." Asok looks at the agenda and says, "Tina, it would seem that all of your meetings have no purpose other than to provide you with a surrogate social life." Tina asks, "Can you bring chips?" Asok says, "I wish, I wish, I wish I had a spine."
Alice asks Wally, "How do you like your new smoking habit?" Wally replies, "My teeth turned yellow, my breath is putrid, I'm a social outcast, I'm going broke, and my house burned down." Alice asks, "So you're going to quit?" Wally replies, "No, I'm trying to take a long term view of it."
Ratbert: My name is Ratbert. I fear the information superhighway. Like most of you, my problem started because I never learned to type. I thought only secretaries needed to type. Then the computers came. At first I dismissed them as mere toys for men with no social skills. Soon they were everywhere. I would invent elaborate excuses to avoid computers. I was caught in my own web of deception. MAN: This is "alcoholics anonymous" Ratbert: I didn't interrupt you. Man: Can we talk about me now?
Dogbert stands on the desk chair. He says, "The e-mail votes have been tabulated. The will of the people is that Ratbert shall be spared from getting whacked with a magazine." Dilbert says to Ratbert, "I guess there's nothing funny about random cruelty." Bob the Dinosaur gives Dilbert a wedgie and says, "Right! Cruelty is only funny if administered in a proper social context."
Dilbert and Dogbert sit at the table. As Dilbert assembles a device, Dogbert says, "I was wondering if you could build a phaser pistol so I can zap the many fools I encounter every day." Dogbert continues, "Nothing lethal, just enough to make them twitch wildly and scream. It would be fun." Dilbert says, "That wouldn't be very nice to the fools." Dogbert replies, "I just think you guys should provide more value to society."
Dilbert sees a co-worker whose hair stands straight up. Dilbert asks, "What's wrong with you?" The man replies, "I have A.W.S." Dilbert asks, "You have 'Attractive Woman Syndrome' HERE??" The man replies, "She was just hired." The man shouts, "Run!" The Boss approaches and says, "Dilbert, I'd like you to meet Liz." Dilbert thinks, "Uh-oh . . . My metabolism is increasing. My brain is suppressing what little social skills I have." The woman says, "Hi." Dilbert extends his hand and says, "It's a pleasure to meet me. I hope you never find a live turtle in your soup." Sweat flies off Dilbert's forehead. Dilbert covers his face with a piece of paper and thinks, "Aaagh! What was that supposed to mean??" Liz looks scared. The paper sticks to Dilbert's face and he thinks, "Oh great . . . The correction fluid wasn't dry. It's stuck to my eyebrows." Dilbert arrives at home with the document still stuck to his face. He asks Dogbert, "What can I do to stop frightening attractive women?" Dogbert replies, "That mask is a step in the right direction."
Dogbert, Dilbert and Noriko sit on a park bench. Noriko yells at Dilbert, "You adults have totally messed up the planet!! Where's the accountability??!" Noriko continues, "You know our implied social contract! You take care of the kids, then we take care of you when you're old. That's how it's supposed to work." Dilbert says, "Well, I . . ." Noriko yells, "The deal is OFF!!"
Dilbert stands in front of a classroom of children saying, "And don't forget the social life that comes with being an engineer." Dilbert continues, "Ninety percent of all engineers are guys, so it's a bonanza of dating opportunities for the ladies who enter the field." Dilbert continues, "For the men, there are these little video game devices . . ." A little girl raises her hand and asks, "Would I be allowed to date a non-engineer?"
The Boss says to an employee, "Peter, you're a brilliant computer programmer and you like your job." The Boss continues, "Although you lack any social awareness and cannot communicate with your species, I decided to promote you to management." The Boss holds out a tie and says, "Don't be afraid . . . It's called a necktie." Peter shakes and cowers in his chair.
Dilbert sits in his chair reading the newspaper and Dogbert stands on the hassock. Dogbert says, "I thought you might need help deciding what to get me for Christmas." Dogbert says, "I started by doing a complete analysis of your financial situation." Dogbert continues, "Your utter lack of a social life has resulted in significant cash reserves." Dogbert continues, "That combined with a second mortgage would make $50,000 available for my gift." Dilbert says, "I bought you a hat." Dogbert looks at Dilbert. Dilbert says, "It was on sale." Dogbert walks away saying, "It seems that every year at about this time I feel like beating somebody senseless with a yule log."