Spend Career Fixing Comic Strips - Page 15

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View 141 - 150 results for spend career fixing comic strips. Discover the best "Spend Career Fixing" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #security software, #upgrade it, #hackers, #steal identity, #bank accounts, #destroy hard drive, #cjoices

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DilMom "Your security software is out of date..." "Uh-oh." "Would you like to spend the rest of your natural life trying to figure out how to upgrade it?" "Erk!" "Or would you prefer to let hackers steal your identity, drain your bank accounts and destroy your hard drive?" "I need more choices!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Dogbert's Retirement Planning Seminar "I'll show you how to spend your golden years on the golf course." "Get a job caddying for people who have better jobs than you." "Never pay rent again, thanks to the patented Dogbert breathing tube for sand traps!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

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Welcome to Dogbert's Retirement Planning Seminar. "Don't tell anyone that you retired. Just keep coming to work and collecting money for the weekly lottery pool. Then spend it on food." "I want my dollar back."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #career criminal, #appkying, #job, #tendonitis, #pistol whipping arm, #slower paced, #lifel, #embezzle, #job security, #business

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Your resume says you're a career criminal. "Yup." "Um...why are you applying for a job here?" "I'm getting tendonitis in my pistol-whipping arm." "I thought I'd try the slower paced life of white collar crime." "Security." "How much can I expect to embezzle in my first year?" "Earl?" "Lefty!" "Forget this job. Security is where the big money is." "Can you get me in?" "I should start locking my desk."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #company policy, #least expensive flight, #17 connecting flights, #elbonain prison, #dressed as a ballerina, #desecrate monument

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"Per company policy, I got you the least expensive flight available." "Your trip will have 17 connecting flights and you're required to spend at least one night 'in an Elbonian prison, dressed as a ballerina.'" "How much would I have to desecrate a national monument to get one night in jail?"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #discount religin, #tithing 5%, #sin is in, #no time with joiners

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I decided to start a discount religion. "The tithing would only be 5% and I'd let people sin as much as they wanted." BOOK "The only problem is that I don't want to spend time with anyone who would join that sort of religion."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #trip to la, #milestones, #burgeoning career, #airport, #pass out, #carrying intern

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Th eBoss: "Asok, I'm flying to Los Angeles for a meeting and I want you to join me." Asok: "Gasp" "I am honored. This feels like an important milestone in my burgeoning career!" Flight attendant: "We'll begin by pre-boarding anyone who..." The boss: "Coming through!" "Flyco!"

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #evil director, #human resources, #help balancing, #personal life, #no love, #sound sunhealthy, #pill crybaby, #business

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Catbert: Evil Director of Human Resources. "I need help balancing my career with my personal life." "I recommend a book called "No one will ever love you." It'll crush your hope for a personal life and free up more time for work." "That sounds unhealthy." "Take a pill, crybaby."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #inspirational, #failed to motivate, #cowowrkers, #sabotage career

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Wally; "Once again you have failed to motivate me." Wally: "I don't want to become like my coworkers, always plotting ways to sabotage your career." Wally: "Now would be a good time for you to say something inspirational."

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #advice for cousin, #carerradvice, #dilmon, #frustrated work environement, #scratch out meager living

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Your cousin Lauren just got her degree in English. Can you give her some career advice? "Would you enjoy scratching out a meager living in a frustrating work environment?" "I've never thought about it." "Obviously."