Current Assignment Comic Strips - Page 15
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Boss: You'll be in charge of our smart watch project. Dilbert: ...that is doomed from the start. Boss: Stop being such a pessimist. Dilbert: Said General Custer to his horse. Boss: Why would he talk to his horse? Dilbert: Because even the horse knew something was wrong!
Wally: Do you really believe that your plan to change the office layout will boost efficiency? Boss: Of course it will. The physical environment makes a huge difference. Wally: Good. I missed all of my deadlines because of our current office layout is bad.
Boss: I told the employees about our plan to boost productivity by changing the floor layout. Now they claim they can't get their work done because the current floor plan is inefficient. Hoe do I get them to stop agreeing with me? CEO: What do you usually do?
Boss: Do you want the boring and awful project that is likely to succeed... or the fun project that is certain to fail and take your career with it? Dilbert: You came here to give both of them to me. Boss: Ha ha! You know me.
Hackers Convention. Dilbert: Hi, I'm Dilbert. Woman: I know. I just hacked your phone, your credit card, and your fitness band. No need for conversation. I know everything about you, including your current physiological state. Dilbert: I feel violated. Woman: No, you don't. Your vital signs are elevated. That means you're falling in love with me. Dilbert: Ha! I just hacked your fitness band and I see you have... no interest in me whatsoever. It was too late to reject her first.
The Entitled Employee. Dilbert: Did you finish your assignment for the project? Coworker: No, I was tired, and it looked hard. I assume someone does the hard stuff for me. Am I wrong? Dilbert: I need to have a word with your parents.
Dilbert: It's called a dashboard. It shows the current status of all our projects. With a tool like this, you never need to ask us for status updates. Wally: How'd the fake dashboard gambit work out? Dilbert: Great! He hasn't talked to me in weeks.
Boss: You have to go to a mandatory safety training class right now. Dilbert: Is it safe for me to miss the deadline you gave me for this assignment? Boss: No, you lose either way. Dilbert: Hmm. Maybe I could work all night from home then drive to work exhausted.
Narrator: The bad analogy guy. Dilbert: And that's why I want to rewrite that part of the software. Man: That's like closing the barn door after the horse gets out. Dilbert: No, it isn't anything like that. I just think the current software could bet better. Man: So it's like throwing away the baby with the bathwater. Dilbert: No, it is not like that even a little! Man: You sound exactly like Hitler. That can't be a coincidence. Dilbert: Nothing you say makes sense! Man: That's like saying the earth is flat.