Customer Retention Comic Strips - Page 15

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

212 Results for Customer Retention

View 141 - 150 results for customer retention comic strips. Discover the best "Customer Retention" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 05, 2002's comic on:


Tags #dogbert tech support., #personal computer, #defective, #attractive package

View Transcript

Transcript

Dogbert Tech Support. Dogbert says into his telephone headset, "It works fine on my machine." On the other end of the line, the customer says, "Yes, but this call is about MY PC. May we talk about MY problem now?" Dogbert replies, "Okay, your PC is defective and you're selfish. That's an attractive package you've got going there."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 09, 2002's comic on:


Tags #burned down, #customer headquaters, #employee screws up, #performance reviews, #demo unit

View Transcript

Transcript

Catbert is sitting on The Boss' desk. He says to The Boss, "Don't give performance reviews on time." Catbert continues, "Wait until an employee screws up something big, then pounce!" A frazzled employee with torn clothes and smoking hair says to The Boss, "...I forgot to unplug the demo unit and it burned down our customer's headquarters." The Boss asks, "Do you have a minute?"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 15, 2003's comic on:


Tags #cutomers, #delivery, #business, #took money, #winner, #lied

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert says to The Boss, "A customer keeps asking when we'll deliver the stuff they bought." The Boss asks, "When will we?" Dilbert responds, "Never, you lied to them to get their business." Dilbert continues, "You took their money and gave them nothing. Do you know what that makes you?" The Boss exclaims, "The winner!"

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share May 24, 2004's comic on:


Tags #science of fengshui, #technical merits, #witch doctor, #astrologer, #cutomer

View Transcript

Transcript

Visiting a customer "Our office was designed with the science of Feng Shui." "Should I describe the technical merits of our product or will you be consulting with a witch doctor?" "Oops. Sorry. That one snuck up on me." "He's an astrologer, not at witch doctor."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 04, 2012's comic on:


Tags #beverages, #water, #restroom, #bottled water, #sink water, #bring cup

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Before we start, can I offer you a cup of water from our restroom sink? We can't afford bottled water. Customer: Okay, sure. I'll have a cup of sink water. Dilbert: That brings us to the awkward part: did you happen to bring a cup?

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share December 03, 2004's comic on:


Tags #become irreplaceable, #escaped felon, #gain trust, #biggest cutsomers

View Transcript

Transcript

Wall: "I need to become irreplaceable so I can't be fired for my behavior." "I'll gain the trust of our biggest customer so they'll only deal with me." "I probably shouldn't say this, but everyone in my company except me is an escaped felon."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share April 18, 2005's comic on:


Tags #vendor, #can't deliver parts, #promised parts, #better job, #never buy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert: Our vendors rep says they can't deliver the parts for three months. The Boss: that just means he promised the parts to some other customer who did a better job of threatening him. Dilbert: How about if I say we'll never buy from you gain? vendor: Id say you're not exactly buying form us now.

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share August 12, 2005's comic on:


Tags #phishing, #new hobby, #fake banking emails, #gullible executives, #financial information, #steal, #password social security card

View Transcript

Transcript

"I have a new hobby. It's called phishing." "I send fake banking e-mails to gullible executives. Then I find out their financial information and use it to steal the money they don't deserve." Dear Customer, This is your bank. We forgot your social security number and password. Why don't you send them to us so we can protect your money. Sincerely, I. B. Banker "Looks legit."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share November 07, 2005's comic on:


Tags #dance club, #allow anyone, #screen potential customers, #dance moves, #incorporated air guitar

View Transcript

Transcript

I opened a dance club that's so exclusive I don't allow anyone in. "I personally screen every potential customer until I find a reason to exclude." "Have your dance moves ever incorporated the air guitar?" "Yes."

Thank you for voting.
 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Share March 20, 2006's comic on:


Tags #customer service, #deception, #laziness, #tech support, #trick, #passowrd, #before lunch, #required

View Transcript

Transcript

"Hello, I need some tech support." "What's your tech support password?" "I don't have one." "Well, then I can't help you." "Since when do you require a password?" "Usually right before lunch."