Empire Consultant Comic Strips - Page 15
151 Results for Empire Consultant
View 141 - 150 results for empire consultant comic strips. Discover the best "Empire Consultant" comics from Dilbert.com.
Share July 08, 2007's comic on:
Dogbert: "You should hire me as your management consultant." Man: "We're a management consulting firm. We don't need a management consultant to consult us." Dogbert: "Are you saying that management consulting is worthless?" Man: "No, I'm saying we already know everything about management consulting." Dogbert: "How can you be so sure I can't help you when you don't know what my advice will be?" Man: "Okay, you're hired. What's your advice?" Dogbert: "Beats me. I'll have to ask my management consultant."
Share October 22, 2007's comic on:
Dogbert the security consultant Dogbert: "If you see someone without an ID badge..." "...Strip search him, confiscate his wallet, and lock him in the janitor's closet until he starves!" The boss: "That seems a bit extreme." Dogbert: "You're about one minute away from living on mop water."
Share February 22, 2004's comic on:
Asok: "I heard that you got approval to hire a new Senior Engineer." "As an intern, I have performed all the functions of a Senior Engineer for the past five years. I am now ready for promotion." The Boss: "I plan to hire someone from outside the company." "Must control tiny fists of intern fury." The Boss: "I have the approval to fill the Senior Engineer position but there's a ban on hiring new interns." "So, if I promote you, my empire... oops... I mean my department won't grow." Ask: "Gaaaa! My despair has turned into a searing psychological pain! Ow ow ow!" "That reminds me, I need you to train the new guy."
Share October 20, 2013's comic on:
Tags #dating, #internet & world wide web, #social media cosultant, #one like, #less than ten thousand, #insulting, #elbonian, #inflate your like count, #socialize, #wine glasses, #bar wine, #kiss, #relationships
Dilbert: What do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a social media consultant. Dilbert: I like you. Woman: Phhht. You're giving me one like? Anything less than ten thousand likes is an insult. Dilbert: I'll be right back. I hired an Elbonian to artificially inflate your like count. Elbonian: Like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like. Dilbert: I am not paying that guy.
Share March 28, 2014's comic on:
Share June 16, 2014's comic on:
Boss: Our consultant has recommended a company-wide transformation to make us more competitive. Dilbert: Is it a coincidence that consultants always recommend solutions that pay their firms the most? Boss: How would I know? Dogbert: I'll look into that for you.
Share July 01, 2014's comic on:
Boss: On the advice of our consultant, we're going to rewrite the CMS from scratch. Alice: How much did you pay the consultant for the same advice your employees gave you for free? Boss: I don't pay consultants for advice. I pay them to leave.
Share August 30, 2016's comic on:
Dogbert Consults. Dogbert: I recommend doing all of the things your employees have been telling you to do. Boss: I don't see why I should pay you for this. Dogbert: Oh. Then how about doing all the things your competition is doing? Boss: Now, that's a great idea. Dogbert: Good, because that's what your employees have been telling you to do.
Share February 26, 2018's comic on:
Dogbert: I have the results of your Dogbert Personality Profiles. Based on your questionnaire answers, Alice is angry, Wally is lazy, and Dilbert is boring. Dilbert: How are we supposed to use this new information? Dogbert: Wake me up when he's done talking.
Share June 18, 2018's comic on:
Narrator: Dogbert The Negotiation Trainer. Boss: We'll see you on Monday for our first lesson. Dogbert: Sure. I'll see you on Monday or Tuesday. Possibly Wednesday. Boss: We paid you to start on Monday. Dogbert: Think how much you'll learn when I don't show up.