Goal Set Comic Strips - Page 15

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View 141 - 150 results for goal set comic strips. Discover the best "Goal Set" comics from Dilbert.com.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #laziness, #managers & supervisors, #devote energy, #projects, #setting priorities, #business

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Boss: And I need it by next week. Dilbert: I will devote 3.7% of my energy to it. I can give you more if you do your job of setting priorities for my 27 projects. Boss: Can't you set the priorities? Dilbert: Sure. This one just went to 1.7%.

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marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #angel, #fix things, #granted wishes, #know it all, #needy, #questions, #things gone wrong, #workers, #angel of competence

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Angel: I am the angel of competence. I have come to mark you as an engineer turn around, Dilbert: So, its like an honor? Angel: Sure, if that makes you feel better. The Boss: Can you show me how to set ups my wireless router at home? Tina: My phone keeps freezing up, can you look at it? Ted: How long should I barbecue trick-tip? Man: The pilot lightly on my water heater is out, How do you fix cracks in a driveway? what exactly does iCloud do? GAAA!!! Dilbert: I need to talk to the angel of competence have you seen him? Wally: He died in my cubicle, Thats all Im saying.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #happiness, #work ethic, #workplace happiness, #direct deposit, #mental distance, #effort, #paycheck, #no clear goal, #doing good work, #job satisafaction, #stress related problems, #highly demotivated, #psychology

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Asok: Wally, what is the key to workplace happiness? Wally: Well, Asok, it all starts with direct deposit. You want to keep some mental distance between your effort and your paycheck. Next, you want to work on projects that have no clear goals or deadlines. Coworker: Hey, Wally, can you... Wally: No, I'm too busy doing various things. Asok: What about the satisfaction of doing good work? Wally: Job satisfaction is what people feel right before they die from stress-related problems. Asok: I feel highly demotivated right now. Wally: You are very welcome.

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #late, #twice late, #forgot watch, #emailed, #flip it

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Tina: You're late, as always. Dilbert: You mean twice. If you include the time you forgot to set your watch back an hour. And this time when you e-mailed the wrong start time? Tina: Oh, look how you try and flip it around!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #job interview, #bed news, #upset, #hire someone, #hates boss, #set up, #cruel

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Job Interview The Boss says, "Would you tell me bad news even if you knew it would upset me?" A man says, "Yes, I would." The Boss says, "Why would I hire someone who hates me?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #worked around clock, #ten programmers, #establish new baseline, #tragic death march, #stretch golas, #stupid

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Asok says, "I worked around the clock and finished a project that would normally require ten programmers." Asok says, "Um... did I just establish a new baseline expectation that will turn my job into a tragic death march?" The Boss says, "It's time to set some stretch goals." Asok says, "STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dogcart the ceo, #salary, #400x more, #admit your selfish, #money

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Dogbert the CEO Dogbert says, "My salary is 400 times more than yours." Dogbert says, "My goal is to jack that up to 410, maybe 420." A woman says, "I hate you for this." Dogbert says, "So you admit you're selfish?"

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #blame, #costume, #meeting, #scapegoat, #senario set up, #luck, #business

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Dilbert the scapegoat The Boss says, "I need you for a meeting with my boss." The Boss says, "About five minutes, into the meeting I'm going to start punching you. With any luck, my boss will join in." Dilbert says, "Maybe that shouldn?t be called luck." The Boss says, "Okay...Skill. Whatever."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #upgrade, #cellphone, #clerk, #sport chair, #laptop, #stare

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Dilbert says, "I'd like to waste the better part of my afternoon trying to upgrade my phone." Dilbert says, "I'll just set up my sport chair, and use my laptop while you mumble and stare at your monitor for what seems like forever." Dilbert says, "Look at me! I'm beating your system!" Man says, "Quiet! I'm trying to stare."

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- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #dog, #warranty plan, #design, #hell, #hot, #tongs, #wide eyes, #evil, #insurance, #animals

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The Boss says, "I hired a confusopoly consultant to help us design an extended warranty plan." Dogbert says, "Our goal is to scare people into buying insurance that doesn't cover anything." Dogbert says, "I can't tell you where the contract was designed, but be careful because it's still hot."