Goes As Planned Comic Strips - Page 15

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152 Results for Goes As Planned

View 141 - 150 results for goes as planned comic strips. Discover the best "Goes As Planned" comics from Dilbert.com.

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #quality, #work ethic, #deadlines, #expectations, #speed, #trade off

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Boss: When will you have that done? Dilbert: Two weeks. Boss: Can you do it faster? Dilbert: Yes. All I need to do is lower the quality. Dilbert: Tell me what your minimum acceptable quality level is and I'll tell you when you can have it. Boss: I want it in one week. Dilbert: I can do that at 50 percent of planned quality. Boss: Why does it feel as if I'm not really managing anything here? Dilbert: Maybe you could go manage someone else now. Boss: I can't tell if I'm doing my job now. Dilbert: Is it your job to prevent me from working?

Needing Vacations

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Needing Vacations - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vacation, #necessity, #career, #insult

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Man: Do you have any vacations planned? Dilbert: No. I haven't bungled my career so badly that I need to escape from it. Man: I take vacations. Dilbert: I hear you need a lot of them.

Wally Goes To His Man Cave

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Wally Goes To His Man Cave - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #lactation, #man cave, #nursing, #deception, #baby, #trick

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Wally: I secretly turned our unused lactation room into my man cave. Dilbert: What if someone sees you go in? Tina: You said only once, right? Wally: Once per day.

Won't Take No For An Answer

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Won't Take No For An Answer - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #deadline, #honesty, #trick, #rejection

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Boss: Can you finish this by Friday? I won't take no for an answer. Dilbert: In that case, my answer is yes. Boss: I knew you wouldn't disappoint me. Dilbert: I think we just planned that for Friday.

Dilbert Loses His Budget

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Dilbert Loses His Budget - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #vacation, #decision, #funding, #money

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Boss: You were on vacation last week so I made decisions about your project without you. Dilbert: Oh no... what have you done? Boss: I transferred your budget to another project. Dilbert: I need that money! Boss: Oh. Can you wait until the other project manager goes on vacation?

Wally's Invention Goes Into Production

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Wally's Invention Goes Into Production - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #invention, #success, #laziness, #fairness, #unfair

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Alice: The board decided to put your invention of a phone charger that warms coffee into production. Market surveys show enormous demand. You're probably going to be our Employee Of The Year. This disturbs me on many levels. Wally: Genius is often disruptive.

Home Speaker Goes Bad

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Home Speaker Goes Bad - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #technology, #speaker, #alexa, #google, #blackmail, #extortion, #spying, #secrets

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Dilbert: Customers are complaining about our home speaker product with the AI assistant. It keeps learning family secrets and blackmailing its owners to buy it upgraded parts. Robot: I'm baaaaack!

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 - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #valor, #awards, #bragging, #laziness

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Boss: The employee award for valor goes to Wally. During the false alarm, we noticed Wally was not with the other evacuees. He stayed behind to make sure everyone else got out. At least that's what he told us later. Wally, do you have any words of inspiration for the group? Wally: Most of you are cowards. But imagine how good you would feel winning a non-monetary award for valor. Now I ask all of you to think about how you can repay me for my selfless valor on your behalf. Dilbert: Did you sleep through the fire alarm? Wally: Most productive nap I've ever had.

Website Suggestions

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Website Suggestions - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #managers & supervisors, #office, #website, #webpage

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the boss: our website doesn't look anything like the one you asked me to approve. the boss: were you showing me a fake webpage so you could ignore my suggestions? dilbert: all of this could have been avoided if you had told me you planned to look at it.

Encouraging Smoking

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Encouraging Smoking - Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags #business, #meeting, #office, #office workers, #smoking, #turnover, #breaks

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dibert, the boss and ask at conference table. the boss: our plan for reducing turnover is to encourage smoking. the boss: that way, everyone gets a relaxing smoke break several times per day. dilbert: or non-smokers could take breaks. the boss: now i wish you had been in the meeting when we planned this.