Kill Or Cannibalize Comic Strips - Page 15
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184 Results for Kill Or Cannibalize
View 141 - 150 results for kill or cannibalize comic strips. Discover the best "Kill Or Cannibalize" comics from Dilbert.com.
Sunday May 07,
2006
Transcript
"And then we'll send the draft for review..." BZZZZZT! "Greetings. I am Wally from the year 2040." "In the future, time travel will be possible but highly unethical." "But it's only unethical if you make the mistake of changing anything from the past." "I was out of coffee so I came here to get a fresh cup. Ah, here we go." "I have to run. Make sure nothing changes because of my visit or it will kill everyone in the future." "Let me be the first to say that this feels awkward."
Sunday November 12,
2006
Transcript
"Before you energize my team with your proposal, let me introduce everyone." "This is Wally. He'll show no reaction because he hopes apathy will kill our idea before it creates work." "This is Alice. She'll leave halfway through your presentation to take a phone call." "This is Asok. He'll be enthusiastic because he doesn't understand how the real world works." "This is Dilbert. He'll tell you why your idea is impossible." "This is Carol. She'll spend the entire meeting wondering if that's your real hair." "And this is Ted. He gave his two-weeks' notice last week." "And I like to keep my eyes closed the entire time because of my allergies. Go."
Sunday October 16,
2005
Tags #take the chair, #don't sell chairs, #sell hope, #hope of chairs, #ship in 2 months, #call and yell, #buy a chair
Transcript
SALE "I'll take that chair." "Excellent choice." "Now sit there quietly and try not to ask the one question that will kill this sale." "Is the chair in stock?" "GAAA!!!" "The truth is that we don't sell chairs at all. We sell the hope that a chair will someday be made for you." "How long will that take?" "If I could answer that question, it would be the same as selling you an actual chair." "How about if I tell you it will ship in two months, and you call and yell at me every three months for eternity?" "Did you buy a chair?" "There's no way to know."
Sunday October 19,
2003
Tags #budget for research and development, #confidential, #witty, #appreciation, #laugh, #teeth fall out
Transcript
Alice: "Ted, what's the budget for Research and Development?" Ted: "It's confidential. I could tell you, but then I'd have to kill you. Hee hee!" Alice: "I've never heard that one. It's very witty." Alice: "Allow me to show my appreciation with the following fake laugh." "HA HA HA HA HA HA!!" "HA HA HA HA HA!!!" Alice: "Those are my real teeth. I need them back."
Monday June 10,
2013
Tags #apathy, #gadgets, #vision / eye care, #wally glasses, #google glasses, #enhance reality
Transcript
Dogbert: I invented "Wally Glasses" to compete with Google's glasses. Google's glasses enhance reality, whereas Wally glasses make reality look like it isn't worth the effort. Dogbert: Let me know if they kill you.
Saturday February 15,
2014
Tags #crimes, #revenge, #difficult co workers, #jerks, #jar of polonium, #deal with difficulty, #office, #Politics, #registered, #dog, #stool, #animals
Transcript
Dogbert: Today you'll learn how to deal with difficult co-workers. Jerks will always be jerks. Your only hope is to kill them in ways that are untraceable. Boss: We need to talk. Dogbert: Each of you got a jar of polonium when you registered.
Wednesday February 19,
2014
Tags #death & dying, #inventions, #cryonics, #preserve brain, #transhumanism, #robot body, #staus update, #favors, #repaid
Transcript
Dilbert: Cryonics will allow me to preserve my brain until the age of transhumanism so I can live forever in a robot body. Boss: Dilbert, I need a status update on why your last status wasn't updated. Dilbert: Please kill me now. Wally: I don't do favors that can't be repaid.
Thursday August 28,
2014
Tags #engineers, #thinking, #mental energy, #executive attention, #brain network, #dangerous territory, #surpasses last remnets, #sociala awreness, #misread social cues
Transcript
Wally: He transferred all of his mental energy to the executive attention network of his brain to solve a problem. This is dangerous territory for an engineer because it suppresses the last remnants of his social awareness. Expect him to misread social cues. Dilbert: They're here to kill me.
Sunday November 09,
2014
Tags #capitalism, #cruelty, #executives, #industry & manufacturing, #manufacturing, #meat, #announcements, #artificial meat prodcut, #automated robots, #senior management, #manufacturing employees, #engineering
Transcript
CEO: The company has two exciting announcements. We are launching a new artificial meat product. In unrelated news, our manufacturing plant is now fully automated by robots. Wow. It got quiet in here. Dilbert: I don't want to say we have no trust in senior management, but... did you order the robots to kill all of the manufacturing employees and turn them into a meat product? CEO: Before I answer that, can we agree that capitalism has some rough edges?
Friday January 30,
2015
Dogbert Disposes Bodies
Tags #dolphin, #exotic pets, #hit man, #murder, #murder for hire, #russian military, #killed clown, #dead bodies, #disposal, #expert
Transcript
CEO: I bought a Russian military dolphin for a pet and it killed a party clown at my daughter's pool party. I need you to dispose of the body. Dogbert: The good news is that I'm an expert at getting rid of dead bodies. CEO: What's the bad news? Dogbert: Your dolphin hired me to kill you.