New Contract Comic Strips - Page 15

You can also use "quotes" and & to narrow down results.

1000 Results for New Contract

View 141 - 150 results for new contract comic strips. Discover the best "New Contract" comics from Dilbert.com.

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new data encryption, phb, pointy haired boss, converts email, manager babble, carry pepper spray, supermodel

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits at his desk and tells Dogbert, "I invented a new data encryption program called P.H.B. which stands for Pointy-Haired Boss." Dilbert explains, "It converts e-mail into manager babble. Nobody can intercept and decode my private messages without the key." Dogbert asks, "Who would want to read YOUR messages?" Dilbert says, "Somebody MIGHT want to read my messages. It could happen!" Dogbert says, "And maybe you should carry pepper spray in case supermodels try to kiss you."

Top Dilbert Searches

marketing, project, cloud, catbert, leadership, budget, birthday, engineer, time sheet, sales, wally, strategy, dogbert, powerpoint, project management, topper, leader, boss, change, meeting, data, management, mordac

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags administrative task, beg for asisiatnace, network administrator, new password, upgrading network, forgotten password

View Transcript

Transcript

Asok says to Dogbert, "I have forgotten my password. I humbly beg for assistance." Dogbert replies angrily, "I have no time for boring administrative tasks, you fool! I'm busy upgrading the network!" Asok says, "You could have give me a new password in the time it took to belittle me." Dogbert replies, "Yes, but which option would give me job satisfaction?"

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags strategic alliance, doomed, inefficient managemnet, create competing compnay, must find, new company, strategic allainace

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert stands in front of an overhead projector and points at a skull and crossbones diagram. Dilbert says, "The status of our strategic alliance is 'doomed.'" Dilbert continues while the Boss listens, "Our ponderous and inefficient management style caused their best people to quit and create a competing company." The Boss says, "We must find a way to destroy that new company." Dilbert replies, "I'll see if they're interested in a strategic alliance."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new sex symbols, online personals, tech prowness, moonlit walks, must like to dance, applicants

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert sits on the couch using a laptop and Dogbert stands on the armrest. Dogbert says, "Men who understand technology are the new sex symbols. Your online personals ad should emphasize your technical prowess." Dilbert asks, "How about 'Looking for woman who likes moonlit walks so I'll have more time alone with my computer'?" Dilbert continues, "And 'Must like to dance.' That's so I won't get a flabby, uncoordinated applicant." Dogbert says, "Don't call them 'applicants' on the first date."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new smoking habit, teeth turned yellow, social outcast, going broke, house burned down, going to quit, long term view

View Transcript

Transcript

Alice asks Wally, "How do you like your new smoking habit?" Wally replies, "My teeth turned yellow, my breath is putrid, I'm a social outcast, I'm going broke, and my house burned down." Alice asks, "So you're going to quit?" Wally replies, "No, I'm trying to take a long term view of it."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags metric, project, growth rate, time zone, favorable, working smater, not harder, new paradignm

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally, Dilbert and the Boss sit at a conference table. Wally points to a diagram and says, "This metric shows an excellent trend in the number of days since the beginning of my project." Wally continues, "That growth rate compares favorably with the best companies in our time zone." As they walk away, Wally tells Dilbert, "I'm working smarter, not harder." Dilbert says, "It's a whole new paradigm."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags new corporate trainer, teach classes, stress reduction, teamwork, burn in hell, filthy weasel, hired you, subject matter expert

View Transcript

Transcript

Someone behind a desk tells Ratbert, "I'm looking for a new corporate trainer to help me teach classes in stress reduction, conflict resolution, and teamwork." Ratbert yells, "I'll burn in hell before I'll do your work plus my own, you filthy weasel!!!" Dilbert asks, "And they hired you?" Ratbert replies, "A good trainer doesn't have to be a subject matter expert."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags policies, use prodcuts, will to live, new corporate policy, not intended to punish

View Transcript

Transcript

Wally, Asok and the Boss sit at a conference table. The Boss says, "Our new corporate policy is that all employees must use the products we sell." Asok screams and shouts, "What have we done to deserve this??!!!" Asok asks Wally, "So you're saying that many of these policies are NOT intended to be punishments?" Wally replies, "You get used to it after you lose your will to live."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags shrink wrap license, new software, bill gates, new mansion, towel boy

View Transcript

Transcript

Dilbert tells Dogbert, "I didn't read all of the shrink-wrap license agreement on my new software until after I opened it." Beads of sweat fly off Dilbert's forehead and he pulls nervously at his tie. Dilbert continues, "Apparently I agreed to spend the rest of my life as a towel boy in Bill Gates' new mansion." Dogbert replies, "Call your lawyer." Dilbert says, "Too late. He opened the software yesterday. Now he's Bill Gates' laundry boy." Dogbert says, "It must be dangerous for lawyers to iron pants. They'd always have one hand in a pocket."

Thank you for voting.
Hmm. Something went wrong. We will take a look as soon as we can.
- Dilbert by Scott Adams

Tags wendy, new secretary, time to process, pay increase, on desk, three months, more is not better

View Transcript

Transcript

Carol tells Dilbert, "This is Wendy, my new secretary." Dilbert replies, "I didn't know secretaries could have secretaries." Dilbert asks, "Now will you have time to process my pay increase? It's been on your desk for three months." Carol and Wendy laugh. Dilbert thinks, "Here's another case where more is not better."